Always having difficulty with ‘small talk’ seemed to me like a smattering of autism. Is that my problem or could there be other reasons? I had a childhood illness and was alone in recovery for months at a time rather than at school with others learning how to relate to peers. Or is this the result of moving 32 times and not having time to build relationships? Or is it because I’d rather work alone and in silence? Or that I’m simply not interested in the ordinary stuff of life? All I know for certain is listening is easier than talking when it comes to ‘useless’ conversation. Then I read this about love and about saying useless things, either in small talk or in deeper conversation:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. (1 Corinthians 13:1)
MacArthur begins today’s devotion by saying that love distinguishes true communication from useless chatter and meaningless noises. This hits me. I’m to not reject useless conversation or insist on deeper conversation but consider my motivations. Rather than being polite when bored, He wants me to show love to those whose interests are not usually interesting to me. Rather than wanting deeper conversations, He wants me to focus on others rather than on my wants. In other words, love is interested in conveying itself through words, no matter the topic. Instead of autism, I’m often just selfish and want to talk only about things that interest me.
In Bible times, the church at Corinth loved showy gifts like speaking in tongues (see 1 Corinthians 12:12-31). This was a Spirit-given ability to speak God’s truth in a language unknown to the speaker but known to others who heard. It was a sign to provoke unbelieving people to consider the gospel and first happened on the Day of Pentecost when Christians were able to tell the crowds about Jesus in their native languages (see Acts 2:4–11).
In today’s verse, this “tongues” was not about this gift but an exaggeration: “If I had the ability to communicate with angels, it would be useless without love.” Besides, in that culture many people worshiped pagan gods by speaking in ecstatic languages accompanied by blaring trumpets, smashing gongs, and clanging cymbals. In other words, whenever Christians attempt to minister in words apart from God’s love, it is like a pagan rites and useless, even deceptive.
God makes it clear that His love involves humility, obedience, and sacrifice. It is not about showing off my gifts or doing anything apart from what His Word says, or about motivation for any personal gain. I’ve heard others boast about speaking in tongues. I’ve also heard pastors described as “good speakers” when they should have been noted as being filled with and enabled by the Holy Spirit to speak the truth in love not just make nice-sounding noise.
Then and now, small talk can be the doorway to meaningful conversation. I must let the words of others be opportunities to show care for even the trivial details of life. Isn’t God like that? He numbers the hairs on our heads and an unsaved man said to my husband yesterday, “I think God is trying to show me something. So many little things are happening that are out of my control yet for my good. It must be God.”
PRAY: Jesus, being like You includes being interested in the lives of others. It does not matter if they tell me about their dreams and nightmares, or merely relate the unexciting events of their day. Whether someone speaks of deeper issues or their favorite brand of cereal, it can be an opportunity to show them Your love by listening with interest, asking questions to show I/You care, and expressing they are important. This also needs to be real (I know when others are merely being polite or faking it) so enable my interest to be as real as You are! This is about using the gifts You give, so may that be real to others too.
PONDER: Think about other ways that speech and listening are connected to the love of God. Consider verses like James 1:19, Ephesians 4:29 and Colossians 4:6.
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