The Oxford dictionary defines “rude” as being offensively impolite or ill-mannered with many other nuances such as: discourteous, impertinent, insolent, impudent, cheeky, audacious, presumptuous, uncivil, disrespectful, unmannerly, ill-bred, churlish, crass, curt, brusque, blunt, ungracious, graceless, brash, unpleasant, disagreeable, offhand, short, sharp, offensive, insulting, derogatory, disparaging, abusive, tactless, undiplomatic, uncomplimentary, uncharitable, unchivalrous, ungallant, ungentlemanly, unladylike, malapert, contumelious, underbred, and mannerless.
While these words vary in the strength of thoughtlessness, all of them are inconsiderate of listeners. Yesterday I was introduced to another ‘just arrived’ family of refugees by a woman who knows them well. By her words, I knew it was safe to tease them a little, tell them their bicycles would not do for winter so we would get them dogsleds. In some situations that would be rude, but they loved the humor of it.
Love pays attention to what might offend, and since only the Holy Spirit knows the hearts of others, that means love pays attention to the Holy Spirit. Only God knows what should or should not be said. Even if another person needs a rebuke, only God knows how to deliver it in such a way that we feel His warm hug at the same time He gives us a needed swift kick on the backside!
MacArthur tells of how he learned his behavior was rude when someone was doing the same thing that he thought was okay. That involves paying attention as well. I need to note what bothers me and realize that the same behavior will bother others. For instance, it is rude to rebuke someone in front of their family or friends. I know that because I’ve felt the sting of that rudeness, and because Jesus tells us a better way:
If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. (Matthew 18:15)
Today’s reading says: “(Love is not arrogant) or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)
In other words, love is considerate of others and in contrast to the inconsiderate behavior of the Corinthians. Many were overindulging at their love feasts and getting drunk on the Communion wine. Some women were overstepping bounds by removing their veils and usurping the role of men in the church and both were corrupting the worship services as they tried to outdo one another’s spiritual gifts. (1 Corinthians 11 and 14)
In today’s culture, some Christians are rude toward non-Christians who smoke (or do things they “would never do” to the extent that they destroy any opportunity to share Christ with them. This happened to one of my family. Even though he loves Jesus, reads Scripture daily, witnesses to God’s grace, and watches church on YouTube, he does not attend church anywhere, partly because of the rudeness he experienced.
Our church is filling up with new people, many from other countries and various cultures and ethnic groups. While smiles are universal, banter at the brunch table can easily be rude without being aware that I’ve said the wrong thing. I know that being thoughtless can make a profound impression in a negative sense, but love does not do that. Even the smallest of thoughtful statements can build other in their faith and in their sense of being loved and accepted.
PRAY: Lord Jesus, I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit who can zip my lip if I have a thought that should not be said. Always enable me to be loving in a spontaneous way that isn’t worried to silence but can chat with people and help them to know they are loved by You. Keep guarding my mouth and my thoughts. Convict me when I become thoughtless and give me a heart filled with consideration so that I will not speak if I don’t know what to say. Otherwise, my words are apt to be hurtful and I may not even realize what I’ve done.
PONDER: In Luke 7:36–50, Jesus protects a repentant woman from a Pharisee’s rudeness without being rude to her or the Pharisee. How did He do it?
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