Having nothing…

For the past few weeks I’ve felt that I want something, but I don’t know what it is. Less work? A change of pace? A new location? Someone to step up and take some of my responsibilities? Maybe just more contentment? This nagging feeling does not make contentment easy. It keeps at me without identifying itself. Is it part of getting older? An evidence that I want to be in heaven where all is perfect? Yet I’m aware of a deeper desire for big challenges. I don’t like ‘normal’ but thrive on change.

Being alone is okay even though I’m much more interested in meaningful conversations than ever before. My hubby says to be content, but for a person who likes challenges, a sane pace and a relatively normal life can seem terribly boring at times. I woke up at 4 am thinking of how to create an online photo album for our family, as if there is nothing else to do.

Today’s reading begins with this truth:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; (2 Corinthians 5:17–18)

Thinking about the changes Christ gives, I’ve learned that God activates spiritual motivations when He gives new life to His people. My spiritual gifts include teaching, which is described as being an information-gatherer who wants to share what they find. My old nature had that motivation but used it for self, such as becoming a collector of useless information, even useless stuff, however, this gift includes an insatiable curiosity that goes non-stop. Part of that is wanting to know things about people but even that comes with a problem; many people wear layers and do not want to reveal their real selves. I easily detect that and become quickly bored with layers.

The reading says that everything that belongs to my old nature has passed away or become useless in Christian living. So that means I’m to love others even if they are ‘layered’ and be kind, not bored with them. For me, this is difficult and can be arrogant and not easy to deal with.

Two verses give me some fresh ideas:

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ….If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations which have no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh. (Colossians 2:8; 20-23)

The world’s way is to feed on what pleases me. God tells me to listen to Christ, to let Him be my example and my strength. He said, “Not my will, but thine be done.” If my will is what I’m describing in this desire for new things, then I need to make sure that those things fit with the will of God, not something to merely satisfy my desires, vague as they seem right now. Anything that is sought out by “flesh,” must always be “nothing” in the sight of God. But if I am seeing things with His eyes, those “I wants” will be nothing in my own sight. He also says:

We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. (2 Corinthians 6:3–10)

The last sentence speaks to this vague desire. I can rejoice in making others rich “as having nothing, yet possessing everything.” Only in Christ, not in the old me or the old way of satisfying myself. I need Jesus and the satisfaction He gives, then pass it on.

PRAY: This fretting has seemed complex, perhaps because I’ve taken my eyes off the simplicity that is in You, Jesus. Just fill me with Your Spirit. I cannot be ‘nothing’ unless You are ‘everything’ in my heart.