The Goal and the Heat

God constantly fills me with awe — yet I know awe is only part of His intention. I have four devotional books on my desktop. When the main selection offers only a little, I read the others. Today  all four speak to what is on my heart: the desire to finish well, perhaps not soon, but be ‘with it’ in my spiritual life for the time left here, to be joyful in obedience, living the way God wants me to live:

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24)

Joy is about the perfect fulfillment of why I was created and given the life of Christ, not the successful doing of a thing, not having perfect health or ideal conditions, but being faithful to all that God wants from me. I want to hear Jesus say—“Well done, good and faithful servant” and know that I  have done what He intended.

Peter heard Jesus say, “Do you love me?… Feed my sheep.” I hear that too. My challenge is having choices. I can write — and He told me to write this blog. I can lead Bible studies — and I did that for many years. I can paint and for many years supported myself and children and missionaries with the sale of paintings. I can make quilts to give to needy people — and I still do that. I can encourage brothers and sisters in the Lord at our church — this is happening. Yet as I get older, the physical aging process yanks at my attention span and God uses that trial to show me so many ways that my attitudes need refining and how I need to ignore the demands to feel sorry for myself.

God keeps refining. This is not punishment but purification. He knows my garbage as well as the abilities He gave me and wants to bring out the best. The trials are a blessing, not something to endure but to learn from, to allow Him to transform me to be more like His Son. His love actually MUST do that and I MUST want Him to do it.

One Christian leader says that I have a claim on God, a claim that any pain, want, disappointment, or misery will help make me what I ought to be. I can ask to be never spared one thing that could urge me toward repentance even if it makes me hedged in on every side, thwarted in any desire. He can foil my plans or frustrate my hopes until I see nothing that makes life worth having — only His  presence. This takes time and involves challenging experiences. The problem of getting great things from God is being able to hold on in that last half hour.

He desires a blind trust in Christ to do the thing He asks, an exercise of faith, a coming to the end of self and relying on Him to do the whole work for me and in me. It is being utterly in His hands. I know that resting in Him alone is worth the struggles. I know that nothing is compared with Him, just Him. I also know Jesus said:

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

PRAY: Today my knee is screaming at me. Is wanting to sit all day a way of abiding in You, Lord? Is praise part of resting? Or am I being a coward with this process? You are with me in it and know far worse pain — for my sake. Help me to be a clinging vine, but one that is fruitful rather than withering up out of self-pity and wanting to merely nap the rest of the day.