Blinded by . . .

I don’t often become angry. I don’t mean that peeved feeling when I stub my toe or someone cuts me off on the freeway and narrowly misses my bumper. I mean the anger that blows up and yells. Yesterday, I got angry like that.

At first, it was because someone mistreated me — I was totally blindsided. Then it was because that person showed no hint of remorse. Later, as I reviewed my history with this person, I realized for many years I’ve been criticized for little things, not thanked for my generosity nor given consideration for much of anything. I kept expected good things and was deeply disappointed — again. So I yelled.

Later, the Lord showed me His TLC and reminded me that I don’t need to ‘try harder’ but to stop all expectations. It is not my fault that this person is ungrateful and inconsiderate. I need to focus on what I need to do, prayerfully trusting Him to take care of others as He takes care of me.

The book of Hebrews as a long section on ‘rest’ which refers to that kind of trust, the trust that is unflappable, that can take all sorts of abuse because I know God is in control. I am ‘resting’ in Him.

Not only that, I’m to walk by faith not by what I see. If I am trusting the Lord, I will be calm, even in the storms. If I am not, I will slide into not trusting Him and some form of sin. Today’s Scripture reading says this:

Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. As it is said, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.” (Hebrews 3:12–15)

I do not want to be hardened by sin — and sin does do that. I can see it in the person who I shouted at yesterday, but I can also see it in the person in the mirror. My emotions were up and down. I wanted to get even, to hurt back, to stomp on, and yet at the same time kept hearing God say:

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26–27)

By the time I went to sleep, the anger settled back into pain and Jesus kept His arms about me until I went to sleep. He knows the pain of being misunderstood, mistreated, abused, disrespected, all of that. And He also said, “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” I’m not sure I can say that yet, but He holds my hand.

This morning, I looked at these verses that talk about the corruption caused by sin. They also remind me of what I already know — 

But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:20–24)

I am responsible for my own sin and yet I cannot fix it — nor can I fix the sin of others, not with anger and not even with forgiveness. Only Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit can change people. This is one more thing to put into the hands of Jesus.

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Lord God, You are far more understanding of what goes on in human hearts than we are. You know me far more deeply than I know myself. As I walk with You and as my prayer life deepens, I am increasingly aware of the deceptions Satan tries to use to keep me from faith and from praying. Sin is also deceptive. While I feel my pain and anger is justified, I am willing to let go of that. You know. You also know what to do with the person who was so terribly rude and thoughtless. I thank You for the support of bystanders and for giving me the sense of Your presence and of Your arms around me. I also thank You for Your incredible goodness to me.

Today’s thankful list . . .

- the ability to move on through the day while feeling so sad.

- the surprise visits from a couple of friends.

- peace in my heart because God is in charge.

- leftover turkey that makes such great bunwiches.

- new opportunities to glorify Jesus.