Blinded by . . .

I don’t often become angry. I don’t mean that peeved feeling when I stub my toe or someone cuts me off on the freeway and narrowly misses my bumper. I mean the anger that blows up and yells. Yesterday, I got angry like that.

At first, it was because someone mistreated me — I was totally blindsided. Then it was because that person showed no hint of remorse. Later, as I reviewed my history with this person, I realized for many years I’ve been criticized for little things, not thanked for my generosity nor given consideration for much of anything. I kept expected good things and was deeply disappointed — again. So I yelled.

Later, the Lord showed me His TLC and reminded me that I don’t need to ‘try harder’ but to stop all expectations. It is not my fault that this person is ungrateful and inconsiderate. I need to focus on what I need to do, prayerfully trusting Him to take care of others as He takes care of me.

The book of Hebrews as a long section on ‘rest’ which refers to that kind of trust, the trust that is unflappable, that can take all sorts of abuse because I know God is in control. I am ‘resting’ in Him.

Not only that, I’m to walk by faith not by what I see. If I am trusting the Lord, I will be calm, even in the storms. If I am not, I will slide into not trusting Him and some form of sin. Today’s Scripture reading says this:

Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. As it is said, “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.” (Hebrews 3:12–15)

I do not want to be hardened by sin — and sin does do that. I can see it in the person who I shouted at yesterday, but I can also see it in the person in the mirror. My emotions were up and down. I wanted to get even, to hurt back, to stomp on, and yet at the same time kept hearing God say:

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26–27)

By the time I went to sleep, the anger settled back into pain and Jesus kept His arms about me until I went to sleep. He knows the pain of being misunderstood, mistreated, abused, disrespected, all of that. And He also said, “Forgive them Father. They know not what they do.” I’m not sure I can say that yet, but He holds my hand.

This morning, I looked at these verses that talk about the corruption caused by sin. They also remind me of what I already know — 

But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:20–24)

I am responsible for my own sin and yet I cannot fix it — nor can I fix the sin of others, not with anger and not even with forgiveness. Only Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit can change people. This is one more thing to put into the hands of Jesus.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Lord God, You are far more understanding of what goes on in human hearts than we are. You know me far more deeply than I know myself. As I walk with You and as my prayer life deepens, I am increasingly aware of the deceptions Satan tries to use to keep me from faith and from praying. Sin is also deceptive. While I feel my pain and anger is justified, I am willing to let go of that. You know. You also know what to do with the person who was so terribly rude and thoughtless. I thank You for the support of bystanders and for giving me the sense of Your presence and of Your arms around me. I also thank You for Your incredible goodness to me.

Today’s thankful list . . .

- the ability to move on through the day while feeling so sad.

- the surprise visits from a couple of friends.

- peace in my heart because God is in charge.

- leftover turkey that makes such great bunwiches.

- new opportunities to glorify Jesus.

He bore my hurts

This morning I said to the Lord something like “I don’t want to hurt you” and was astonished at the response. He said, “You can’t hurt me.”

The next thought was that Jesus bore all the pain of all sin for all time on the cross. It is finished. He who died for all sin can no longer be affected by it. If He feels pain, it is not because we have injured Him, but because we are injuring someone or ourselves and His pain is for us, not for Himself.

When opening today’s devotional reading, I was surprised that Chambers writes about ‘hurting’ Jesus with our unbelief and foolish questions. He begins with this conversation . . . 

Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? (John 14:9)

Chambers says Philip expected that seeing God would be the revelation of a tremendous mystery, not the seeing of Jesus whom he knew. He also says that when Philip asked Jesus to show him the Father, he was probably hurting Him. Chambers says, “If we are asking God to give us experiences, or if conscious experience is in the road, we hurt the Lord. The very questions we ask hurt Jesus because they are not the questions of a child.” His implication is that lack of trust for Him feels the same for Him as I do when others don’t trust me. I am hurt, but I’m not hurting because they have a suspicious nature, but because I am offended.

Prior to the cross, Jesus may have experienced pre-crucifixion pain, but again, it would be for the sin of unbelief, not something like, “You don’t believe me and that really hurts me.”

I can’t find any Bible passages that indicate Jesus was in pain except at the cross. However, there are several verses about how my sinfulness affects the Holy Spirit:

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:30) When I sin, I am forgetting who I belong to, and that makes Him sad.

But they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit; therefore he turned to be their enemy, and himself fought against them. (Isaiah 63:10) My sin not only saddens God, but puts Him in the position of disciplining me so I can become obedient.

Do not quench the Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 5:19) In context, this is describes the way I am supposed to live — in harmony with God rather than resisting Him and giving Him reason to feel sorrow because I have stifled His fire in my life.

Thinking that I cannot hurt Jesus should make me feel good, or at least less burdened about my sinfulness, but it has the opposite effect. I feel pain that I can resist Him, grieve or sadden Him, stifle or put out His fire in my life, all because I realize that any pain in the heart of God is for me, not for Himself.