Two become one...

Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:1–9)

Theologians and ordinary believers are uncertain how to interpret this passage, and I hesitate because I was divorced before I knew Christ or what He had to say about it. However, in more than fifty years of a second marriage, God has taught us many things about the meaning of this union. In knowing what He didn’t approve of, we learned much.

In Jesus’ day, some thought divorce was permissible if the husband ceased to love his wife, or had seen some one whom he liked better, or even because she cooked his dinner badly. Another group permitted divorce only in case of fornication, adultery, or some offense against chastity. Obviously, this had something to do with bringing the contention to Jesus. Taking either side would put Him in trouble with the other view. 

These days and in our culture, some people used to stick together for the sake of the children. Others decide that if the feeling is gone and there is no more emotional love then there is no reason to stay married. The issues can be complicated, but the divorce rate in North America is at least 30% and upward. 

Marriage challenges are common. We watched a show about newlyweds. He was a neat-freak and she kicked her shoes off at the door and left them there. Both felt unloved. A well-known book on love languages tells of givers married to people who feel most loved when people listen to them. The giver thinks those gifts say it, but the silence is all the other partner hears. Marriage bliss is complicated.

What does the Bible say about avoiding divorce? This makes the problem even greater:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22–33)

In short terms, a couple is to be a picture of Christ and His church. He is to love and lead, and she is to respect and follow. Most women and many men think this is nonsense. Only those who do it find the joy of being in a ‘one flesh’ relationship. This means overcoming the differences in how each think. Imagine the challenge to a church to know and do the will of God. Imagine the challenge to lead a woman who wants to be her own leader and love her when she resists. Imagine the challenge to follow a man who refuses to seek God's will. Marriage that lasts is not easy, never mind happy.

Lord God, You stuck with the lessons and keep teaching me what it means to be a wife that does Your will. You also have taught my hubby much about loving me like You love me. Like he says, patience and forgiveness are vital. I can be a bossy and demanding person with a critical attitude. Yet here we are fifty-five years later. You are amazingly merciful to help us stick to ‘for better or for worse’ and amazingly patient with our many mistakes!