No Pretense

Last night’s dream was profound. In it, another person put together a massive truth that helped me understand many things that have happened in my life that at the time made little sense. It was an explanation of intimacy, connecting it to being open and transparent, a person without layers that hide who they are. Perhaps the dream was prompted by wallpaper on my computer yesterday with this verse:

. . . For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

In the dream, I heard that everyone seeks intimacy. If it is not present with parents, then the child seeks it with others, never finding it because most people project an image that is not who they really are and do it for fear they will be rejected. This desire to be fully known and also fully accepted is so strong that it drastically affects behavior and relationships.

Part of what I realized from this dream was how I am drawn to transparent people because of my own desire for intimacy. It cannot happen when I am layered up or other people cover their true selves with whatever they think is acceptable. While extremes get labeled as hypocrisy, even the ‘nicer’ labels ruin that closeness that all people desire.

We recently attended an NA meeting and were blessed with the sense of ‘no condemnation’ as those addicted or fighting addiction to narcotics told their stories. The love and closeness in that room was astonishing. It made me think of the opposite that I’ve seen in congregations who hear all the time  ‘unless you live right, you are not pleasing God’ and all the rules about living right. In those places, the sense of being loved and safe is missing. 

This does not mean that Jesus died while we were yet sinners, as the NT says, and simply leaves us that way. Like the Twelve-Step program of AA, NA and others like them, the goal is to be free from whatever enslaves us. That freedom is becoming a new person, and for that, God is enough. Self-effort does not cut it. Our efforts fall short. I need to think as the psalmist writes:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalm 62:5–8)

PRAY: Oh Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve sought intimacy and called it something else, and for the times that I’ve look to my own devices or to other people to meet that need. You and You alone are able to satisfy the deepest desires of my heart — including the desire to be fully known and loved no matter what being fully known might uncover or reveal. This also is the heart of Christian fellowship. Help me to be transparent with others. It might shock some, or embarrass them, or drive them away, but at this time in my life, I’m realizing the opposite. Not only am I drawn to those without layers, but many seem to appreciate and are encouraged when I refuse to hide behind them. Enable me to be who I am — as You help me become more like You.