No Pretense

Last night’s dream was profound. In it, another person put together a massive truth that helped me understand many things that have happened in my life that at the time made little sense. It was an explanation of intimacy, connecting it to being open and transparent, a person without layers that hide who they are. Perhaps the dream was prompted by wallpaper on my computer yesterday with this verse:

. . . For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

In the dream, I heard that everyone seeks intimacy. If it is not present with parents, then the child seeks it with others, never finding it because most people project an image that is not who they really are and do it for fear they will be rejected. This desire to be fully known and also fully accepted is so strong that it drastically affects behavior and relationships.

Part of what I realized from this dream was how I am drawn to transparent people because of my own desire for intimacy. It cannot happen when I am layered up or other people cover their true selves with whatever they think is acceptable. While extremes get labeled as hypocrisy, even the ‘nicer’ labels ruin that closeness that all people desire.

We recently attended an NA meeting and were blessed with the sense of ‘no condemnation’ as those addicted or fighting addiction to narcotics told their stories. The love and closeness in that room was astonishing. It made me think of the opposite that I’ve seen in congregations who hear all the time  ‘unless you live right, you are not pleasing God’ and all the rules about living right. In those places, the sense of being loved and safe is missing. 

This does not mean that Jesus died while we were yet sinners, as the NT says, and simply leaves us that way. Like the Twelve-Step program of AA, NA and others like them, the goal is to be free from whatever enslaves us. That freedom is becoming a new person, and for that, God is enough. Self-effort does not cut it. Our efforts fall short. I need to think as the psalmist writes:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalm 62:5–8)

PRAY: Oh Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve sought intimacy and called it something else, and for the times that I’ve look to my own devices or to other people to meet that need. You and You alone are able to satisfy the deepest desires of my heart — including the desire to be fully known and loved no matter what being fully known might uncover or reveal. This also is the heart of Christian fellowship. Help me to be transparent with others. It might shock some, or embarrass them, or drive them away, but at this time in my life, I’m realizing the opposite. Not only am I drawn to those without layers, but many seem to appreciate and are encouraged when I refuse to hide behind them. Enable me to be who I am — as You help me become more like You.

When God is silent

Certain people have been on my prayer list for years. Some of them are not yet saved and because God must do that saving work in their hearts, I’ve prayed and prayed. For a few, He has answered and lives have been changed, but for many of them, nothing happens. God is silent.

The story of Lazarus begins that way. Martha and Mary knew Jesus well. They knew His power and that He cared deeply about them. When their brother became ill, Jesus was the go-to guy. He could easily heal Lazarus, but . . . .

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. (John 11:5–6)

Jesus lingered . . . in silence. And in that silence, Lazarus died. Most know the rest of the story. Jesus went to the tomb, called this man’s name and, “The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth.” At that, Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.” (John 11:44)

For Martha and Mary, this silence and Jesus’ slowness in coming meant a greater thing than they could imagine. Both of them knew that the dead would rise in the resurrection at the end, the last day. As they wept for their brother, they still trusted Jesus as the Christ, the Son of God. Yet both of them reasoned that had He arrived earlier, Lazarus would not have died. At that point, they thought they had lost their brother, but they did not lose their faith in Jesus.

In today’s devotional, Chambers asks, “Has God trusted you with a silence—a silence that is big with meaning? God’s silences are His answers.” Chambers adds that one wonderful thing about God’s silence is that His stillness gets into me — increasing my confidence that He has heard me; His silence is the proof that He has.

I’d not thought of God’s silence that way. It seems more like a ‘no’ or at best a ‘wait’ yet as soon as I read this, I knew it was true. This silence regarding some of my prayer is an assurance. As Chambers says, when I assume the greatest blessing from God is a ‘yes’ answers to my prayers, He will bless me in that way, but I will miss out on the blessing of silence, the blessing of knowing Him well, of knowing that His silence is a deeper thing than what I once thought.

He is teaching me that prayer is to glorify Him. He is also teaching me that silence is connected to intimacy. I can sit with Him, walk with Him, even pray to Him and hear nothing — simply because I now know that He is with me, loves me with an everlasting love, and I can bring Him glory by retaining strong faith in Him, even when He says and does nothing. He is who He is, and that is enough.

Intimacy with God

In an article about intimacy, the author said that the least intimate conversation is when talk is about things or events like the weather, similar to conversations on an elevator between strangers. The intimacy deepens slightly when people tell one another how they feel about those things or events.

According to this author, intimacy deepens as conversation becomes more personal. “I feel” statements take it there. The deepest intimacy is when people can share how they feel about one another.

Using this measurement, the Bible clearly shows that God and His people are in an intimate relationship. Scripture is filled with statements of how God feels about us, and how His people feel about Him, particularly in the Psalms.

The friendship (or ‘secret counsel’) of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant. (Psalm 25:14)

This describes intimacy. We who know Jesus Christ are in awe of God but not standing far away and God, who hears our reverence, makes known to us His love. It is a two-way sharing of our deepest feelings toward one another.

Chambers says the last mark of intimacy is to confide secret joys. At first reading, I thought I do this, but realize I’m more prone to tell Him my secret burdens. When have I shared with Him what gives me great joy? Perhaps the closest is when singing worship songs.

But there are two sides to this. Do I listen for God’s secret joys? I certainly know what brings Him great displeasure, but have I caught His joy — even His small delights?

I think so, at least sometimes. When I go for a walk in the wildlife preserve and see flowers in bloom, surely the joy I feel comes from what He puts in my heart by the Holy Spirit. He must smile at sunsets and children and snow-topped mountains. I rejoice when I create something; obviously God does too. I’m convinced that I feel His joy because He shares it with me.

Sometimes God prompts me to do or say something to another person. When I follow through, His voice isn’t loud, but I can sense Him saying, “Well done, Elsie” — telling me that He is pleased. These are intimate conversations.

Chambers says intimacy is often in the small things because God knows every detail of our lives. He guides us in our ordinary choices and checks us when we move out of His will. Intimacy is just knowing what He wants, and on His side, knowing what I need. Intimacy is walking hand in hand, often saying the same things at the same time and recognizing the harmony. It is moving in confidence knowing He will put a check to stop me if I missed His thoughts on a certain thing.

Intimacy is also being sure of God’s presence and certain that His hand is on my life. In this way, intimacy is totally connected to faith. That is, when God tells me what He thinks of me, faith prompts me to agree with Him. When He tells me that I have sinned, faith responds with confession (agreeing with God) and repentance. When He says He loves me with unconditional love, faith also believes what He says and stops all silly efforts to earn His favor. Because of faith and intimacy with God, I can live in confidence of being His beloved child.