No Pretense

Last night’s dream was profound. In it, another person put together a massive truth that helped me understand many things that have happened in my life that at the time made little sense. It was an explanation of intimacy, connecting it to being open and transparent, a person without layers that hide who they are. Perhaps the dream was prompted by wallpaper on my computer yesterday with this verse:

. . . For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

In the dream, I heard that everyone seeks intimacy. If it is not present with parents, then the child seeks it with others, never finding it because most people project an image that is not who they really are and do it for fear they will be rejected. This desire to be fully known and also fully accepted is so strong that it drastically affects behavior and relationships.

Part of what I realized from this dream was how I am drawn to transparent people because of my own desire for intimacy. It cannot happen when I am layered up or other people cover their true selves with whatever they think is acceptable. While extremes get labeled as hypocrisy, even the ‘nicer’ labels ruin that closeness that all people desire.

We recently attended an NA meeting and were blessed with the sense of ‘no condemnation’ as those addicted or fighting addiction to narcotics told their stories. The love and closeness in that room was astonishing. It made me think of the opposite that I’ve seen in congregations who hear all the time  ‘unless you live right, you are not pleasing God’ and all the rules about living right. In those places, the sense of being loved and safe is missing. 

This does not mean that Jesus died while we were yet sinners, as the NT says, and simply leaves us that way. Like the Twelve-Step program of AA, NA and others like them, the goal is to be free from whatever enslaves us. That freedom is becoming a new person, and for that, God is enough. Self-effort does not cut it. Our efforts fall short. I need to think as the psalmist writes:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalm 62:5–8)

PRAY: Oh Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve sought intimacy and called it something else, and for the times that I’ve look to my own devices or to other people to meet that need. You and You alone are able to satisfy the deepest desires of my heart — including the desire to be fully known and loved no matter what being fully known might uncover or reveal. This also is the heart of Christian fellowship. Help me to be transparent with others. It might shock some, or embarrass them, or drive them away, but at this time in my life, I’m realizing the opposite. Not only am I drawn to those without layers, but many seem to appreciate and are encouraged when I refuse to hide behind them. Enable me to be who I am — as You help me become more like You.

Looking over my shoulder

A popular television character made famous the line, “God will get you for that.” It suggests that God is keeping an eye on every infraction of every principle for godliness and will punish everyone who is guilty. This notion may have come from this verse:

“The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.” (Proverbs 15:3)

Rather than using this to judge others, or even to scare myself into good behavior, I believe that using it that way misses the point. The verse is about the fact of His omnipresence. God is everywhere and God knows everything. While it is true that He sees all my sin and at times I feel like hiding from Him like Adam did, I’m comforted to realize He knows all about me and about everyone else. Perhaps this is what the writer of Proverbs intended!

Tozer brings out two things about the presence of God. One is that there is no escaping it. Sinners want to. Some, like Peter, might shrink from Him saying, “Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord” (Luke 5:8). However, He is “in every place” and sees all things.

The other reality is having a sense of His presence, a subjective awareness of Him. He is always there, yet I do not always feel as if He is. This is difficult to describe, something like the sense of going into a place and ‘just knowing’ that someone is there, or ‘just knowing’ that the place is empty. Depending on the situation, this can be eerie or comforting.

It is a bit like that when I sense the Lord’s presence, not the eerie part but the comforting part. Because I know that my sins are forgiven in Christ Jesus, I don’t want to hide like Adam did, or want God to depart from me like Peter did. If I have messed up, I might hang my head, but His presence usually brings His voice, repeating truth that I need to hear for that moment. It might be, “You are My child” or “I will never leave you or forsake you” or “I am taking care of you.”

Tozer says that, “the life of man upon the earth is a life away from the Presence, wrenched loose from that ‘blissful center’ which is our right and proper dwelling place, our first estate which we kept not, the loss of which is the cause of our unceasing restlessness.” This may be true for those who do not know Christ and His gracious forgiveness, but as the NT says, there is a rest for the people of God (see Hebrews 3:11-4:10). That rest includes the enjoyment of knowing He is here and knowing that I am resting in Him.

^^^^^^^^^^

Lord Jesus, I love those days when Your presence is so real that I can almost see You, feel Your touch, enjoy Your smile. I’m glad that You are watching over me, not to scare me into living the way You want me to live, but to be my loving Savior who guards me against temptation, picks me up when I fall, and chuckles when I finally figure out my ‘lesson’ for that day. Your presence is precious, not fearful, and a great gift, the best part of my life.

NOTE: Tomorrow morning at 6:30 I’ll be at the heart clinic to have a pacemaker inserted. The procedure takes about an hour, and then the medical staff will keep an eye on me for several hours and send me home. This is a local freezing and I should be reasonably alert later in the day, however have no idea what I will feel like or if I will be posting anything here. I’ll try but don’t be dismayed if I skip a day or two.