Hard Choices?

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God, my rock: “Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. (Psalm 42:5–11)

Since we moved (about 1 1/2 years ago) few days have been ‘normal’ in the sense that my to-do list was simple, no surprises, and early to bed. Today is no different except that the interruption to my plans happened before spending time with the Lord and being prepared for ‘whatever happens’ since it always does.

Reading the above verses describes a bit of how I feel, as if oppressed by the unexpected, but this psalm also gives the solution to this sense of being abandoned. This is a test of faith. Will I trust Him with this too, and give up my priorities even as I feel neglected and trade those important things for what seems like trivia?

Last night I dreamed being called out of a worship service to speak to an elderly man in distress. He seemed to be dying so I asked him if he was ready for that. He said no, so I quickly told him about Jesus, then walked away, as if that was enough. When awake, I could see the selfishness of my attitude in that dream.

Then when awake, someone asked me to do something and that same selfishness popped up. I felt cast down at needing to do an unimportant thing (to me) for the sake of someone else.

The solution: Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. Sometimes hope is a choice. Praise is an obedience, and salvation seems a disconnect. Yet this is the Word of God for today. I must obey it even without seeing any reason or feeling any hope about the value of obeying.

Jesus, I need the hope You give. I have none of my own. You promise to use all things for my good. May this also be good for the person who asked me to give up my plans and do something so unimportant to me.