If only?

Having a vivid imagination can be fruitful, but also annoying. I’ve imagined myself as many great things that I will never be, like a singer or an actress. Some of these roles show my pride and vanity. I’ve also imagined myself blind so I would know what it is like to walk around my house without knowing what was in front of me.
 
The most significant question about why God made me the way I am is this matter of being easily distracted. Never diagnosed as ADD, but with all the symptoms and a lifetime of trying to stay focused. This scattered mind struggled with sticking to homework, getting any project finished, and once into a task, stopping to make supper or answer the phone.

When asking God, “Why have you made me like this?” He has never given me an answer that fed my ego. Most of the time I hear Him saying, “So you will trust Me” or something like that. The best explanation finally came in a quilting class.

The instructor asked class members to share things about ourselves and when my turn came, I said something about the difficulties of focusing. It happened that this instructor had training in counseling and came to me later with excellent advice. She told me to stop fighting that ‘problem’ and work with it, applying it to quilting and to other activities of life.

From this, I began to understand that God made me the way I am so I could do the things He wanted me to do. In a nutshell, He says:

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

Being easily distracted means I can drop whatever I’m doing to help someone in trouble, or to pray when prayer needs come to mind. It also gives me the ability to have many projects on the go. I can easily follow the thinking of others with the same problem.

The challenges have not gone away. For instance, the desire of my heart is always to pray after spending devotional time with Jesus. However, my to-do list or something else so easily distracts and pulls me away. I make excuses but know that this is vital and the rest of the day is filled with interruptions and so on — when I fail to focus on prayer. The worst part is that no matter how determined I might be even at this moment, in ten or fifteen minutes I could totally forget that resolve to talk to God.

My theology tells me this is a spiritual war. The enemy does not want me to pray so uses the way I think to take me into far less important activities. I could blame Satan, blame how I am made, but the Word of God persists in telling me to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) so those are excuses. Prayer is hard work. I’ve much else to do. Other excuses come to mind, but they are obviously not valid. The bottom line is:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. (Ephesians 6:10–20)

PRAY: This short prayer is not what You want from me, Jesus. There is so much need in the world, in our city, in our church and in family and friends. I cannot carry the burdens and know You want me to bring them to You. You are good and even though my mind is easily distracted, prayer lists, praying aloud, and walking while I pray do help me stay focused on this important task. Make me a prayer warrior that glorifies You, even though it seems this wandering mind is not capable to do any such thing.