This is too hard for me . . .

Deuteronomy 20; Psalm 107; Isaiah 47; Revelation 17

I spent most of yesterday reading a stupid novel and doing very little. Not that it is wrong to read or rest but I felt the Holy Spirit nagging at me most of the day. Then the little prayer book reading for this morning placed me under greater pressure. A dream during the night was about saying goodbye to something important and the prayer in that book was about making Christ the ONLY thing important to me.

I’m thinking I cannot do this. I know myself. This is too challenging, definitely the best choice but I don’t have what it takes. It might be a bit of ‘I won’t do this’ also because I also have trouble with yielding total control. Then I read this:

“When you go out to war against your enemies, and see horses and chariots and an army larger than your own, you shall not be afraid of them, for the LORD your God is with you, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. And when you draw near to the battle, the priest shall come forward and speak to the people and shall say to them, ‘Hear, O Israel, today you are drawing near for battle against your enemies: let not your heart faint. Do not fear or panic or be in dread of them, for the LORD your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.’” (Deuteronomy 20:1–4)

Jesus is my Savior and Defender. I cannot do anything without Him. He does not push me to a place of greater surrender without granting grace to do it. After all, He knows how; He surrendered to death for my sake!

A bit later this chapter describes how to approach those enemies. It says offer terms of peace to them and if peace returns, then let that ‘enemy’ serve me, but if not, besiege and destroy it. In my mind, God says if something is going cause a conflict, then put out of my life, but if it will serve me, then take and use it. In other words, whatever I value needs to be spiritually beneficial. If not, it is to be discarded. This puts all things under Christ, giving Him priority over everything.

God is not being a killjoy. He constantly guards my heart so that I do not worship His blessings rather than worship Him. Psalm 107:9 says, “He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” (Psalm 107:9) He knows what I need and what is good for me. Yet I can be like the child who wants dessert before supper or to play Nintendo instead of doing my homework. A brat.

God knows the tendency of humanity to put ourselves and our own ideas in first place. When I think I should run my own life, He reminds me what happens to those who do. In Isaiah 47, He speaks to nations as if they are rebel women who have fallen into, “I am and there is no one besides me” and nothing bad will ever happen to them. But He says, “There is no one to save you.” I’m incredibly thankful that God saved me and keeps on saving me, mostly from myself.

Again in Revelation, the Bible personifies evil using a female figure. This one is immoral and drinks the blood of God’s people who have died because they believe in Jesus Christ. The description is almost X-rated and again makes me thankful that the Lord saved me. I don’t know what I would have been or done had He not, but all descriptions of what happens to those who reject Him are simply awful.

APPLY: I cannot feel sorry for myself because God asks me to let go of anything that serves no eternal purpose in my life. He is not asking me to give up flowerpots on the step, or making peanut butter cookies, or chatting with my neighbor about interior decorating. His desire is that nothing, whether good and proper or sinful and selfish, is given a place where I will ignore Him and focus on those things. The battle is not against real or spiritual enemies but against my own reluctance to yield control and say yes to Him. Confess this sinful selfishness and get on with growing in grace.