Trying harder does not work . . . !

Numbers 5; Psalm 39; Song of Songs 3; Hebrews 3

A child became angry and hurt another person. He was mortified at his actions and made a vow to never again lose his temper. In adulthood, he is always level-headed, never seems to get angry, but also cannot express joy. Shutting off negative emotions has its benefits but also this terrible side-effect; positive emotions are turned off too.

This is not psychological gobbledygook. It is expressed in the Psalms by David, a man of God.

I said, “I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth with a muzzle, so long as the wicked are in my presence.” I was mute and silent; I held my peace to no avail, and my distress grew worse. My heart became hot within me. As I mused, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue: (Psalm 39:1–3)

David wanted to be silent. He resolved to not sin with his mouth, particularly around wicked people. However, this was not the self-discipline that comes from the Holy Spirit. It was human resolve and it didn’t work. He eventually had to speak.

I’m thinking about bad habits. How common is it to determine to eat less and then find ourselves always hungry and looking for a snack? How often have I decided not to do something and wound up doing it even more? Or decided to start a new behavior, like a certain type of exercise, but in only a few days forgot all about it?

I’ve read books. One recent title was “Your Future Self Will Thank You: Secrets to Self-Control from the Bible and Brain Science (A Guide for Sinners, Quitters, and Procrastinators)” Even with this grand title, it was mostly about trying harder and fit David’s example; it didn’t give helpful advice or go beyond whatever I’ve tried and found wanting.

David’s next words in this psalm hint at the beginning of what does work regarding self-control . . .

“O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath! Selah (Psalm 39:4–5)

Human resolve is based on a human “I can do this” notion, an idea that fits with my biggest problem — sin. The Bible is clear that sin is “turning to my own way” (Isaiah 53:6) even if that way seems like a good thing. It does not work. In fact, “the way that seems right” can lead to death. (Proverbs 16:25) Instead of my way, God’s way is to remember that He is my Savior from sin. I cannot save myself — even by making a deep resolve and effort to do so, even for things like eating habits because this is “my own way” not His way.

As a new Christian, God struck me with the importance of one verse to the process of spiritual growth and overcoming sin. At first it seemed like an accidental discovery, even a coincidence. I know better now. The verse is:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

He does it. I only need to own up to the sin and that I cannot fix myself. My life is fleeting, nothing before God, a mere breath, yet He is my Lord and my Savior. He grants the power of His Holy Spirit to give me the kind of self-control that works, that sustains. It isn’t by resolution, trying harder, focusing better, gritting my teeth and being determined, or a deeper resolve. It is by admitting that I am weak, willful and unable. It is by looking at my self-effort and realizing that it too is sin because I am ignoring God and trying to do my own thing.

This does not negate obedience, but obedience is also a thing of the Spirit, motivated and enabled by Him. Why? So the Lord gets the glory and I cannot boast, so I cannot pridefully say or even think “look what I did” and elevate myself in my own eyes or in the eyes of others.

APPLY: Two habits come to mind. Small things in the minds of some but enslaving in my estimation and totally resistant to self-effort. I am such a slow learner. Thank You Lord for giving me this reminder to go Your way instead of continuing to frustrate myself with trying harder.