What do my reactions reveal about me?

When someone upsets me, I’ve noticed that if I do not handle it God’s way, I will try something that gets me into trouble. If I don’t talk to God about the thing, I will start talking to everyone else, griping against that person. If I don’t talk to the person who troubled me, I talk to someone else who either sides with me or gives me a cold shoulder or tells me to ‘get over it’ — either way I’m creating division and being off-putting.

The Christians in Corinth took it even farther. They sued the other person . . .

When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers! (1 Corinthians 6:1–8)

Paul was blunt. Don’t take your differences to heathen courts. Settle it yourselves. Lawsuits are totally defeating God’s purposes. Instead of unity and love, they take our sinfulness and put it on display. Not only that, the courts with unsaved lawyers, judges and juries make decisions based on human thinking because these officials may not understand or even care about the will of God. Use your God-given wisdom!

Christians must handle disputes the way Jesus told us to handle them . . .

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15–17)

Just as sin blocks my fellowship with God, it also blocks fellowship with other Christians. A lawsuit would add to the problem. The way of God is to restore the relationship by dealing with the sin. He isn’t as concerned about legalities as He is about keeping my heart clean and clear and united with others who follow Christ.

One good example of this is when Jesus was asked to settle a dispute. Instead, He got to the heart of the problem:

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” But he said to him, “Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?” And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” (Luke 12:13–15)

While the brother may have been stingy or unfair, this man had a heart problem too. He was coveting what his brother possessed and in the mind of Jesus, that was far more important than an equal division of money or stuff.

This story and the other verses give me a strong application for my own life. I need to consider my own issues when I’m feeling wronged. If someone upsets me, what sin in me is being exposed? Am I jealous? Am I being slighted for something I’m proud of and my pride is a bigger issue in God’s estimation than what the other person did? Do I think I am more worthy than others and someone has put me in my place?

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Jesus, I can think of dozens of situations where I’ve been ticked off at someone else and missed the reality of my own sin in that reaction. Instead of realizing selfishness, or pride, or a thoughtless demand for ‘my rights’ I have blamed the other person for poking at me. Instead of seeing how selfishly I want what I want, I’m upset with someone who fails to give it to me. I need to wake up, to confess this junk, and become more like You — never demanding that which is due and always thinking of the needs of others.