We do not grieve as others do . . .

Genesis 32; Esther 8; Mark 3; Romans 3

How is it possible to have grief and joy at the same time? Could that be the same as Jacob’s experience of having faith and fear at the same time? He was traveling to his homeland and realized he would meet up with his brother Esau who had threatened his life years prior. He was afraid for his life and the lives of his family even though God promised to do good to him and give him many offspring:

And Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O Lord who said to me, ‘Return to your country and to your kindred, that I may do you good,’ I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant, for with only my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps. Please deliver me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, that he may come and attack me, the mothers with the children. But you said, ‘I will surely do you good, and make your offspring as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.’ ” (Genesis 32:9–12)

This is the odd experience that people of faith often have. Life is given to us and we enjoy and believe the promises of God but at the same time, the curves that life throws often put us in an emotional place that God does not author. What is going on? Why the dual responses?

I’ve had nearly a month of these opposing ups and downs. One is sorrow, grief, fatigue and even anguish and denial of events. The other is joy, worship, energy and sharing the wonder of God with others. Can I say this is due to the spiritual life of walking with Christ compared to the fleshy life of letting my sinful self be in control? Part of it could be that for during the times of grief I am often thinking of my loss instead of my sister’s great gain. However, I also think of Jesus who is God in human flesh, human without sin, and realize that He felt some of these emotions that seem so negative, so untrusting.

I like what Jacob did about it. He rehearsed the promises of God. I’ve been doing that too. I have a folder on my computer with pictures that emblaze Bible verses and passages over landscapes and other scenes. This is my ‘slideshow’ and as it changes, the Lord continually reminds me of what He says He will do. Often my mood is lifted even though situations remains the same. It is not a ‘perfect life’ that gives joy but the words of the Lord that tell me what He is and how He cares.

Jacob went on to wrestle with God and in that found the assurance that he needed:

And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.” (Genesis 32:24–30)

He still needed to face Esau, and the danger was still there, but he could now say he had been delivered.

My sister is still gone. The memorial service will still happen in a week. The sorrow of this loss will return from time to time. My hope and peace of mind cannot happen by her returning to this world — but it will come from Almighty God and the promises He makes. I know that she is with Him — to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. The ache is because she is gone from here and the joy is that she is fully present with Jesus.

I might wrestle at times, but if I say, “I will not let You go until You bless me,” then He does just that. Applying this is not as easy as saying it.