Submission is not a bad word . . .

The meanings of words change across time and cultures. ‘Homely’ is an example. In North America today, it usually refers to a person who is unattractive in appearance. In Britain, it refers to a place that is simple but cozy and comfortable, as in one's own home.

Another example is ‘submission’ — a word is about yielding to someone else. However, some assume this is like a servant or being subservient, with images of a doormat for others to walk over. This is not the way the term is intended. In Scripture it is about yielding to God and trusting Him, a decision that sets people free from the tyranny of always needing to have their own way. One example is a strong-willed child who has temper tantrums every time his parents say he cannot have a candy. The child is ruled by his ‘I wants’ and a sweet tooth. Yielding means trusting his parents to make the best decisions.

Submission to God is about trusting Him. So is submission to those God tells us to submit to, like governing authorities. We do it, not because they are trustworthy but because we trust God who gave the command. However, if this word is interpreted as being a doormat, then God is not trusted at all. Instead, I would be trusting my own way according to my ‘I wants’ just like a child.

In passages like the following, many read ‘submission’ as ‘doormat’ and shut down the entire passage as being anti-freedom for women, thinking the Bible puts women into a sub-servient role and makes us less of a person than men. This is not the intent here, but years of misuse and abuse of what submission means makes the freedom God offers from self-centeredness look like slavery.

But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. (Titus 2:1–8)

In other passages, God says that marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church. He is the ‘groom’ and we are the ‘bride.’ Using that image, the idea of submission is a bit easier to understand. He loves us and wants the best for us. Any Christian who is growing in their knowledge of Him realizes that ‘the best’ is walking in His way, not insisting He allows me to do my own thing.

The problem is that the average husband is not like Jesus. He has desires to do his own thing too, and if the wife is in tune with God, she will see the sinfulness of those desires. Some men will ‘sell the farm to buy a folly’ or go for a lifestyle that causes suffering for his family. What then is she going to do? Give in to what he wants even if it means hardship and all sorts of problems?

When our children were small, my hubby would not let them ‘what if . . .’ partly because one of them had an imagination that would go on and on with his ‘what if.’  This sort of thinking can translate into anxiety, worry and a total lack of faith in the loving providence of God. God does not want women to ‘suppose’ themselves out of a submission that trusts Him and worry themselves with, “What if my spouse . . . .”

However, God does not want wives to submit to sin either. If they are being abused, lied to, or mistreated, saying yes to all of that is the same thing as telling their hubby that it is okay to sin, to be selfish, to ruin their relationship. Any man that is not ‘loving his wife as himself’ is totally unlike Jesus. Enabling this by nodding and saying, “Yes, dear” is not a loving response either.

All this said, how to work it out in day to day life is not about a set of rules. The deeper my relationship with Jesus, the more I understand what to say and do when people, not just my hubby, go contrary to what I think is right. Sometimes they are in the will of God and I am not, but if the opposite is true, God is able to give me the responses that fit with His wisdom. Submission is not about trusting other people who are in authority (including policemen, etc.) but about trusting God. He can change the situation so that His will is done, regardless of any stubborn insistence of someone wanting their own way.

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Lord Jesus, I know that many people are not going to agree with this, no matter how I understand or explain it. The idea of ‘having our own way’ is so deeply part of our sin nature and the battle is constant. The world, the flesh and the devil make strong appeals to trust ourselves and not let You govern our lives. Forgive me for taking so long to learn this and for the times I still stumble over it. Fill me with Your Spirit so I will be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, love and steadfastness. Enable me to model good works, integrity and sound speech that You will be glorified in my life.

Today’s thankful list . . .

That I can trust God about all things.

Wonderful time of worship and fellowship this morning.

A lovely drive in the green and gold countryside.

Ice cream cones on the beach.

Italian dinner with family.