Emotional highs and lows

It’s been a week of challenges for my attitude and emotions. Prayer for great needs and experiencing great answers to prayer, feeling helpless and experiencing God’s help, great fatigue yet God’s rest and renewal to keep going. Last night my hubby wanted us to watch a movie. It was a war story based on true events and I usually avoid those but watched it with him. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking of two little Jewish boys in the movie being loaded on a boxcar along with that bin of shoes in the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC.

Part of the night was spent in prayer. I confessed to God the guilt of all humanity for our callous cruelty to one another. World War II is only part of it. The daily news is full of it. I felt broken by the movie and those thoughts and the dreams I had after finally falling asleep. I cannot imagine surviving actual events like these when I am not able to deal with a mere movie about them.

Yet God blesses me with this morning’s verse of the day — a great promise from the Lord:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Concentration camp survivor Corrie ten Boom tells of her fears. She was uncertain about the future and God was not giving her any assurance. Her father reminded her that when they took a train trip, they received the ticket just when they needed it, not before, and that God was like that. She would get the strength when needed, not ahead of the need.

This truth is a learning curve for all of us. In the last part of Philippians, Paul told the church in that city that he was happy about their care for him, yet he had learned something about being needy:

I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:10–13)

He had learned . . . another learning curve because his contentment is not our natural reaction to the demands of life. He learned to be content, not because he didn’t think about the future but because he had learned about God’s care, God’s promises. He knew that God would give him his ticket when he needed it, not before. In that confidence, he rested and relaxed. He didn’t worry about good or bad events for God is in them and would uphold him with His righteous right hand.

The emotions I’m feeling are different from what they would be had I been at that train station watching people being taken to camps and gas chambers. Nevertheless, they are strong emotions. I need to turn to God’s promises and focus on His grace to give me what I need when I need it. Will I soon get over my dismay and feelings of sorrow about what I saw on the screen and in my dreams? I do not know. What I do know is that God is showing me His great heart for the horrors of human suffering. Before Christ came into my life, I didn’t know what godly sorrow felt like.

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Dearest Lord Jesus, Paul also wrote that he suffered loss that for a reason: “I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” Perhaps my deep emotions are Your way of helping me to know You better, to know how You suffer over the folly of sin and the way it destroys our lives. One thing is certain — I’m feeling a greater desire than ever to intercede for others, for believers who suffer and especially for those who are lost and in need of Your great grace.

Today’s thankful list . . .

Freedom to sleep as long as needed.

Hot baths (this will be often on this list).

A long walk through the pedways downtown.

O Henry chocolate bars.

The ability to fix some computer problems.

More rain (we must need it or we would not be getting it).