Facts, Faith, Emotions

This past month has brought out emotions I didn’t know I had. Our granddaughter’s fall and getting her home to more surgeries is a long story and many days filled with anxiety, but also with joy. Other events and news have made it clear that emotions should be at the caboose end of my train, but that is easier said than done. 

This morning takes me into the first three chapters of Romans, and so much of what God says affects my emotions. Sorrow, frustration, pity, anger, and also joy. This passage alone fills my heart with head-shaking sorrow. 

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, (Romans 1:18–22)

As I read, I know that apart from the grace of God and His goodness to me, I would be among the fools who suppress the truth and reject Him and His Son.

Another emotion hits with that thought, and then swings again with this description of the horror of what I would experience if God had given me up to my sinfulness:

And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. (Romans 1:28–32)

If that would not be bad enough, add the result of rejecting His goodness:

Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. (Romans 2:4–5)

Even as a Christian, at any point in my life with Christ I could harden my heart because some sin or other is so appealing that I don’t want to give it up. Without the promise of God to finish what He started in my redemption, thoughts of where I would be without Him produce more emotions, both great sorrow yet great joy because Jesus died for my sin.

The Bible is clear: “None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” (Romans 3:9–12) and the human way of trying to solve this is to be a “good person” yet that does not do it:

For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin. . . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, (Romans 3:20-23)

Do all these emotions simply happen because I’m older and losing my stoic self-control? I don’t think so. I am getting older, but also thinking much about the Lord and all that He has done for me. And thinking much less about the non-vital, non-eternal stuff of this life. These chapters in Romans speak of far more serious matters.

Besides all that, I just learned of the death of a friend. She is gone from this life, leaving a legacy but not herself. God’s good news has a range of joyful thoughts, yet her death puts deep valleys among the peaks. Today, I’m thankful for this diagram:

PRAY: Lord, it was good to know and spend time with Lezley, but I don’t know if she is now with you for eternity. That lack of assurance adds another set of emotions. Faith in You helps level me, but grief and other feelings urge me to make sure I listen and obey when You tell me to share You with others. Yet I’m not to let feelings be my taskmaster, just You, the truth that You represent, and the faith that You so graciously have granted me.

How to be transformed...

 

Yesterday was filled with emotions. Unexpected help came regarding family reunion plans that thrilled me. Not only new ideas to help people enjoy one another, but a great deal of thoughtful and encouraging motivation expressed with it. Then our team nearly won a soccer match only to have it tied in the last minutes and lost in a shoot-out. And after that, a different kind of shooting with an attempt to assassinate the former US president. Then I had a long dream in which a false teacher, filled with nonsense ideas about the way people think, led two church services filled with thousands of people who thought she was wonderful. I woke up distressed at this depiction of the way our world is going. My emotions threatened to take my focus off Jesus.

Today’s devotional reading echoed some of the low points of the previous twenty-four hours. It speaks of self-centeredness saying again that the great sin that plagues us is our focus on me, myself, and I. To be calmer, more level, I needed to focus on Jesus, not think about me.

However, the Bible does say to examine ourselves. Like emotions, this can also get out of hand. Too much looking at me is not good either. Those emotions did that while biblical self-examination should be motivated by a desire to find and root out sin. Yet today’s reading warned that too much of it, or having a me-focus can lead to making excuses, feeling sorry for me, comparing myself to others less fortunate, or even pride that I am better than so-and-so.

(Jesus) also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 18:9–14)

Even reading this story and thinking I am humble can turn into pride that thinks, “At least I am not like that self-righteous Pharisee.” While emotions can put my focus on me, so can pride. I’m supposed to view life in humility.

Not easy. Rare is the truly humble person. Today’s devotional offers this spiritual discipline to push out those sneaky personal pronouns: “The commands to look to Jesus, to behold His glory, to have our eyes ever toward Him, are literal. When we are looking to Jesus, we cannot see ourselves, for if our faces are to Him, our backs will necessarily be to one another.” The Bible says:

And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3:18)

Looking at Jesus not only takes my eyes off myself, my emotions, and my performance, but as this verse says, it is a transforming process. We are affected by what captures our attention. For instance, our family spent a couple years in a southern state around people with a drawl that produced a ‘you all’ accent in our children. What is fed into our minds does have an effect  on our lives. No wonder Jesus said,

I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and they died. This is the bread that comes down from heaven, so that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. And the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.” (John 6:48–51)

He was illustrating the importance of relying on Him as sustenance for life. Relying on me only leads to more hunger and even starvation. Focus on Jesus feeds me well.

PRAY: Lord Jesus, looking at You instead of at myself changes my days and my dreams. Your will and responses affect me, even bring great joy at the good ideas of others instead of envy, and glad for fair play instead of being a sore loser fan, also upset at violence instead of thinking a victim gets what they deserve (as some do), and make me upset with false teaching and the harm it does rather than dismissing a dream as only a dream. Keep my eyes and thoughts on You. Only You can transform my selfishness into clear thinking — and help me with humility.

Emotional highs and lows

It’s been a week of challenges for my attitude and emotions. Prayer for great needs and experiencing great answers to prayer, feeling helpless and experiencing God’s help, great fatigue yet God’s rest and renewal to keep going. Last night my hubby wanted us to watch a movie. It was a war story based on true events and I usually avoid those but watched it with him. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking of two little Jewish boys in the movie being loaded on a boxcar along with that bin of shoes in the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC.

Part of the night was spent in prayer. I confessed to God the guilt of all humanity for our callous cruelty to one another. World War II is only part of it. The daily news is full of it. I felt broken by the movie and those thoughts and the dreams I had after finally falling asleep. I cannot imagine surviving actual events like these when I am not able to deal with a mere movie about them.

Yet God blesses me with this morning’s verse of the day — a great promise from the Lord:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Concentration camp survivor Corrie ten Boom tells of her fears. She was uncertain about the future and God was not giving her any assurance. Her father reminded her that when they took a train trip, they received the ticket just when they needed it, not before, and that God was like that. She would get the strength when needed, not ahead of the need.

This truth is a learning curve for all of us. In the last part of Philippians, Paul told the church in that city that he was happy about their care for him, yet he had learned something about being needy:

I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:10–13)

He had learned . . . another learning curve because his contentment is not our natural reaction to the demands of life. He learned to be content, not because he didn’t think about the future but because he had learned about God’s care, God’s promises. He knew that God would give him his ticket when he needed it, not before. In that confidence, he rested and relaxed. He didn’t worry about good or bad events for God is in them and would uphold him with His righteous right hand.

The emotions I’m feeling are different from what they would be had I been at that train station watching people being taken to camps and gas chambers. Nevertheless, they are strong emotions. I need to turn to God’s promises and focus on His grace to give me what I need when I need it. Will I soon get over my dismay and feelings of sorrow about what I saw on the screen and in my dreams? I do not know. What I do know is that God is showing me His great heart for the horrors of human suffering. Before Christ came into my life, I didn’t know what godly sorrow felt like.

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Dearest Lord Jesus, Paul also wrote that he suffered loss that for a reason: “I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” Perhaps my deep emotions are Your way of helping me to know You better, to know how You suffer over the folly of sin and the way it destroys our lives. One thing is certain — I’m feeling a greater desire than ever to intercede for others, for believers who suffer and especially for those who are lost and in need of Your great grace.

Today’s thankful list . . .

Freedom to sleep as long as needed.

Hot baths (this will be often on this list).

A long walk through the pedways downtown.

O Henry chocolate bars.

The ability to fix some computer problems.

More rain (we must need it or we would not be getting it).

God is not silent!

Today, Tozer does his best to describe that most marvelous event —communication with God. This is not like hearing voices claimed by the mentally ill or those with demonic problems. His voice comes inside my mind yet it is not like me talking to myself either. For one thing, because I know God I also know His voice. Jesus said:

“When he (the good Shepherd) has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” (John 10:4–5)

When am I most apt to hear Him? Usually when I am reading the Bible or praying, and when I am actively trusting Him instead of being fearful or anxious. The Bible calls this ‘waiting on the Lord’ as the psalmist describes:

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.’” (Psalm 91:1–2)

Waiting on the Lord is learned by being still and listening for Him. After a time of doing that and getting to know how God speaks, I can now hear Him when I am busy, sometimes even when I am not thinking about Him. His voice is like that of a friend who brings assurance, a warning, a word of guidance, a comfort.

He also speaks through other ways; the voice of a pastor preaching, the voice of a Christian friend who is Spirit-filled, the words of a song. Yesterday He used all three to guide me in what He wanted me to say as I stood before several hundred people. He came through loud and clear.

I’ve thought that only those who know Him by grace through faith can hear God speak, but that may not be correct. Missionaries and others tell of people in war-torn parts of the world who hear the Word of the Lord in dreams and visions and because of it, experience faith and are brought into the kingdom of God.

God spoke to me yesterday afternoon in a dream. The dream was about a car accident. The driver did not see a barricade in time and drove through it unto a partly constructed bridge. We were suspended over water. My unsaved granddaughter in the front seat flipped over the open convertible dashboard and fell a long distance into the darkness. Soon we were down there looking for her. We found a square place that was below the car. It appeared to have cardboard across the bottom. I cried to remove it, and there she was, huddled on a construction beam. She leaped into my arms, then told me that God was there, and He spoke to her. She was calm — and I woke up. I wept for a long time; the dream was so real and while the accident was traumatizing, so was my joy in her confession of faith.

After the dream, the Lord assured me that He can do things like this. While I messaged her to make sure she has not dropped off a bridge, I keep praying He will speak to her, and He used this dream to tell me He can answer my prayers for her.

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Oh Lord Jesus, yesterday was filled with emotion. Several people said the quilt presentation put them in tears. The dream put me in tears. The day was filled with You speaking to me in varying ways. I am in awe of Your ability to put Your heart into our heart. How wonderful and a wonder. Thank You!

Faith — no matter what?

Sometimes trouble comes and it seems like God is looking the other way or has gone for a long walk and is out of sight. This is only a feeling and not reality. The Bible is clear that He will never leave or forsake me. However, that does not exclude the horrid feeling that He has!

“And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. And they went and woke him, saying, ‘Save us, Lord; we are perishing.’ And he said to them, ‘Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?’ Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm . . . .” (Matthew 8:23–27)

The disciples saw Jesus sleeping. They also saw the danger they were in, but in Luke’s account Jesus told them they were going to the other side. He didn’t say they were going to capsize. Which option would they believe — their fears or Jesus’ words?

Chambers adds that when a crisis comes, Christians should be so confident in the Lord that we are the reliable ones when others are losing their calm. We tend to trust Him up to a certain point, then go back to elementary panic prayers — just like people who do not know God.

I know that feeling. A problem becomes intense. At first I trust Him (I get in the boat), but after a while the problem intensifies and my heart starts racing. He seems to be asleep and the problem begins to wash over me. I begin to think without faith and forget His sovereign grace.

At some point, I begin to realize that I’ve added my own wants and wishes to His promises. He said to the disciples that they were going to the other side. He did not promise easy sailing. He tells me that He will never leave or forsake me, but He didn’t say that I would always experience that delightful and comforting sense of His presence. Either I have added stuff that He didn’t promise, stuff that I want for me, or I have paid too much attention to my fears and my feelings and not enough to what He has said.

“O you of little faith” must have produced an awful feeling in the hearts of those men who thought they could follow Him no matter what happened. It gives me an awful feeling too, even though I realize that my disappointment is not in Him, but in the reality that He will not always grant what I want. Instead of trusting in Him and His wise and sovereign rule in my life, I continually fall into the trap of adding my desires to His promises and thinking He is my servant instead of the other way around.

The problems and crisis situations instantly reveal upon what or whom I rely. In some of these situations, my faith rises like the waves of the sea and easily overcomes the test. In some of them, I fail miserable, and am miserable when I do. Like the disciples, I cry out for Jesus to calm the storm rather than calm my heart and take me to the other side.

Trusting God means just that — reaching my breaking point and still remaining confident that God will stay close and take whatever action needed to show me that He loves me, He is still in charge, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.