Emotional highs and lows

It’s been a week of challenges for my attitude and emotions. Prayer for great needs and experiencing great answers to prayer, feeling helpless and experiencing God’s help, great fatigue yet God’s rest and renewal to keep going. Last night my hubby wanted us to watch a movie. It was a war story based on true events and I usually avoid those but watched it with him. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking of two little Jewish boys in the movie being loaded on a boxcar along with that bin of shoes in the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC.

Part of the night was spent in prayer. I confessed to God the guilt of all humanity for our callous cruelty to one another. World War II is only part of it. The daily news is full of it. I felt broken by the movie and those thoughts and the dreams I had after finally falling asleep. I cannot imagine surviving actual events like these when I am not able to deal with a mere movie about them.

Yet God blesses me with this morning’s verse of the day — a great promise from the Lord:

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Concentration camp survivor Corrie ten Boom tells of her fears. She was uncertain about the future and God was not giving her any assurance. Her father reminded her that when they took a train trip, they received the ticket just when they needed it, not before, and that God was like that. She would get the strength when needed, not ahead of the need.

This truth is a learning curve for all of us. In the last part of Philippians, Paul told the church in that city that he was happy about their care for him, yet he had learned something about being needy:

I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:10–13)

He had learned . . . another learning curve because his contentment is not our natural reaction to the demands of life. He learned to be content, not because he didn’t think about the future but because he had learned about God’s care, God’s promises. He knew that God would give him his ticket when he needed it, not before. In that confidence, he rested and relaxed. He didn’t worry about good or bad events for God is in them and would uphold him with His righteous right hand.

The emotions I’m feeling are different from what they would be had I been at that train station watching people being taken to camps and gas chambers. Nevertheless, they are strong emotions. I need to turn to God’s promises and focus on His grace to give me what I need when I need it. Will I soon get over my dismay and feelings of sorrow about what I saw on the screen and in my dreams? I do not know. What I do know is that God is showing me His great heart for the horrors of human suffering. Before Christ came into my life, I didn’t know what godly sorrow felt like.

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Dearest Lord Jesus, Paul also wrote that he suffered loss that for a reason: “I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” Perhaps my deep emotions are Your way of helping me to know You better, to know how You suffer over the folly of sin and the way it destroys our lives. One thing is certain — I’m feeling a greater desire than ever to intercede for others, for believers who suffer and especially for those who are lost and in need of Your great grace.

Today’s thankful list . . .

Freedom to sleep as long as needed.

Hot baths (this will be often on this list).

A long walk through the pedways downtown.

O Henry chocolate bars.

The ability to fix some computer problems.

More rain (we must need it or we would not be getting it).

No complaining . . . none . . .

My daughter once said that she finally figured out what is wrong with the world: “Everybody is selfish.” Wise words for a young girl. I already knew how selfish I can be. God is working on that. Also, it is not hard to find more examples.

For instance, in our city, a young man applied for a babysitting job. The parent had already hired someone else and he was not accepted. Instead of continuing to look for work, he filed a human rights complaint that he was being discriminated against based on family status, because he had no children. He earlier filed another complaint of discrimination based on age and gender when another job was cancelled.

This complaint seems like too much focus in the wrong place. Complaining in general usually gives evidence of ‘me, myself and I’ being the center of the universe. Besides that, every time I complain it is rooted in not agreeing with the decisions and actions of the Sovereign God that I claim to worship. Really. If God is sovereign, then all that happens is under His will and permission — so who am I to bellyache about what He is doing? Today’s reading is blunt yet also gives good reason to not gripe about anything:

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world. (Philippians 2:14–15)

I know a few very shiny people. One of them is the man who heads up brunch in our church. He is not young, walks with a shuffle, has thirteen stents for heart issues, was on dialysis a few months ago for kidney failure (and remarkably recovered) and has other health issues. He goes once a week to Costco to buy food and other brunch supplies, looks for bargains elsewhere (we feed several hundred people each Sunday), is responsible for giving financial reports, has a wife who leads a thriving ministry for single moms and helps her with that, and makes meals for various groups that meet in our building. This man never complains about anything. He actually glows.

I read yesterday a news clip from a celebrity that said, “Try going one whole day without criticizing someone.” It is like the above Scripture verses and prompt me: “Try and go an entire day without complaining or arguing about anything.” This is God’s challenge to me.

It goes deeper. These verses also challenge my faith. Do I really believe in God’s sovereignty? That He knows what He is doing? This is not an exercise in self-control of the mouth. It is a test of what I think about Almighty God. Can I be content and happy, no matter what happens? If I really trust Him, I should never grumble.

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Lord Jesus, this had been an emotional week. A near-death situation, constant prayer, a remarkable answer that brought recovery, some personal issues with another person that taught me much, You know all this and the rest of life’s challenges. I’ve no idea what today will bring, but I do believe that You are in charge and that I can trust You. Will that be tested today with negatives that could bring grumbling or disputing? I hope not, yet no matter what, grant me the grace to remember You — and remember to shine so that You are glorified.

Today’s thankful list . . .

God’s goodness.

Made a few goof-ups with my sewing machine and didn’t gripe.

Hearing others give thanks.

Life made easier because of a Google alarm that is easy to set.

My hubby had a good golf game on this day off work.

Angel food cake with peaches and ice cream.

Challenge to Imitate the very best example . . .

Children are natural imitators. Our youngest great-grandson copies what he sees, and because his parents are loving and thoughtful, he is doing as they do as well as doing what they say (well, most of the time; he is only two).

Christians are to be imitators too. The New Testament tells us to imitate good not evil, the faith of our leaders, the life of Paul, and to be imitators of God. To do this, I need to know good from evil, read and understand biblical examples, and most of all understand what the Lord is really like.

I’ve known people with a one-sided view of Jesus, mostly the ‘gentle, kind, never hurt a flea’ side, or the ‘meek, mild, always smileing’ persona. This is what they hope to imitate. This morning, I read the following verses and thought of the image it gives, a Jesus that exemplifies much more than those simple perspectives.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:1–8)

Jesus was never selfish. He was never filled with empty pride. He always considered others more important than Himself, putting their needs above His own. He came to earth with a mission, but He looked after the needs and interests of others as He did the will of God. This is the mindset I’m supposed to have and part of how I should imitate Jesus.

His motivation goes even deeper. He is God in human flesh (I am not) and yet never held on to that claim for His own advantage. Instead He became a servant, the immortal stepping into a mortal body! Even more than that — He obeyed His Father (and mine) by dying on a cross for sin He did not commit. How am I supposed to imitate that? Or even that attitude?

The passage says “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” meaning that I have the mind of Christ. His thoughts are in me. No matter who or what I am, the primary thing is that I am a mere mortal in a mere body that was created to serve God, no matter what He asks me to do. Death to my own desires. No pride. No selfishness. The needs of others come first. Think His thoughts and obey Him. In this way, I will imitate Jesus.

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Lord Jesus, while this is a lofty calling it is also a challenging ambition. I once thought being like You was a totally lovely thing, a goal that would put me on a pedestal. This passage and some careful thought turn that notion upside-down. Being like You goes far deeper. It is humbling, even humiliating in human terms. Yes, You are now exalted, but for me and in this world, exaltation is not in the equation. I first must be dedicated to the needs of others, wholly and totally obedient, willing to die — perhaps to physical death but certainly putting self to death. Besides that, the transformation will not be complete until I see Your face . . .

Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:2)

Enable me to gaze on You as much as possible, today and every day — until that glorious day.

Today’s thankful list . . .

A wonderful time of prayer with a few friends.

A good workout with my trainer alongside a goofy soccer team and their trainer.

Laughter.

Grocery shopping that wasn’t as hard as I expected.

A good news text message from our daughter.

Sunshine and soft breezes.