Life is not a straight line…

Today will be difficult. We say goodbye to a friend who died in her sleep. No warning, too young, leaving husband and family in numbing shock as well as all who knew her. Even after two weeks, most of us have not realized the reality of what happened.

We knew her well. Her oldest lived with us while in university. The other daughter’s hubby handles financial matters for us. Their son has been on our prayer list for years. My husband and hers have breakfast together every few weeks.

To add to the pain of this loss, we just experienced the most wonderful family reunion that I cannot describe without awe for God. He graced us with His presence and even the many who are not believers still speak of the event with superlatives, not fully understanding what made it special but realizing it was a deep blessing.

And now we go to another extreme. I realize the Lord is in this too, but the feelings are not the same. Today’s reading reminds me that no height of spiritual blessing can absolve me from obedience and watchfulness. While I would like to dwell on the joy of the reunion, He wants me to share the sorrow of the bereaved. My stomach even churns with the swing from joy to overwhelming sorrow, from enjoying those deeply blessed to comforting those deeply grieving.

Yet the reading reminds me that Jesus is here in both extremes. He never stops wanting me to obey Him and never stops supplying what I need to do it:

… walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; (Colossians 1:10)

For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me. (Colossians 1:29)

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12–13)

It is folly to think that the heights of blessing will keep the enemy from trying to topple me from that mountain top. Usually his attacks are unexpected and differ from the last time he went at me. This past few days, the distraction has been physical as well as emotional. Praying this morning helped a great deal. Also my mom’s words, “We must need it or we wouldn’t be getting it” often give motivation to simply trust God. If He wants whatever is happening, I need to accept it. If He doesn’t want it, that attack stops as He goes to bat for me.

In other words, I can fight, but it is a fight of faith not of effort, for my God fights for me, and therefore I can be at peace. The externals may not change, but again, it is the peace of God who makes this change inside of me.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6–7)

Understanding this peace may not happen, but experiencing it is a reality.

PRAY: Lord, even my devotions this morning were a turmoil and interrupted several times, but You are here with me and Your presence makes such a difference. Fill me with Your Spirit that I might glorify You today and not be absorbed today with the ups and downs of this past week. Thank You!

Waiting is the hard part!

 

In a group of Christians I once asked what would be their first question for Jesus when they finally see Him. One person said, “Why did it take you so long to get through to me?”

I feel like that some days. It reveals a lack of patience. He saved me and is saving me, but I’m tired some days of the cycle of victory, then realizing more incompleteness in my transformation, then another win, then more conviction of sin. I want what is promised: “obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:9) Like a child, sometimes it seems time is either ‘right now’ or ‘forever’ and I’d like the ‘right now’ instead of waiting.

Today’s devotional reading points to the future goal of what is going on every day:

For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. (1 Corinthians 1:18)

MacArthur writes: “You rejoice because you have and continue to hold on to the logical result of your proven faith—your ongoing deliverance from sin. ”

The battle is real. I know that I need ongoing deliverance because sin is an ongoing problem. Fifty years or so ago, I was given new life in Christ and made a new creation by Him. I am no longer a slave to the penalty and power of sin; but I am certainly not yet fully glorified and still subject to sin’s influence. I can relate to Paul’s description of the struggle between the flesh and the spirit:

For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Romans 7:19–24)

There are days when I can say with him: “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin” (Romans 7:25) yet there are days when that deliverance seems impossible. It is something like a roller-coaster ride when the ups and downs never end and the ‘right now’ is too strong to let me even think about the end of the ride that is certain to come. No light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.

PRAY: Lord Jesus, I know You are my Savior and You are the Great Deliverer. It is only through You that I have victory over sin, death, and eternal judgment. I’ve not stopped loving and trusting You yet some days am just tired of the ups and downs. Is this is why Your word says:

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:28–31)

I need to wait on You, even if it seems too much for my energy levels to simply hope for Your help and trust that You will renew me again. Normal fatigue is okay, but spiritual fatigue is not.

PONDER: Waiting is the hard part but if I am waiting for myself to be perfect, or waiting for answers to long-prayed prayers, that could be a long wait. Instead, I need to be waiting on the LORD, enjoying Him rather than in experiencing anything else. He is always with me, even in these times when patience seems a foreign language.