Genuine Forgiveness

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.” (Matthew 18:21–27)

Nearly every movie or television series I can think of involves lack of forgiveness. Someone hurts or betrays another person and retaliation follows. Yet Jesus speaks of the solution for such conflict and His cure rarely makes fiction never mind the reality of daily life.

From the War of the Roses in the 1400’s to the Hatfields and McCoys in the late 1800s, to modern family disputes, there are many feuds over everything from positions of power to who owns what, to what to call a family business, people fight over just about everything. Not only are some spats extremely petty, we travelled Europe several years ago and discovered people groups that held grudges against others for something that happened hundreds of years prior. 

I understand. I’ve been angry over nasty remarks and other less serious treatment, and griped far too long, finally realizing that my lack of forgiveness hurt me far more than it bothered the other person. What Jesus has done is illustrated in the story:

“But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:28–35)

If I could total up my sins, I might go out and hang myself as Judas did, and then not experience the forgiveness offered by Jesus. Like the servant who owed more than he could ever pay, I have no right or reason to not forgive those who owe me or who have hurt me. 

Oh, forgiveness is not forgetting, or putting the injury out of mind. It is choosing not to hold against the other person whatever they did. No retaliation or revenge. No bad thoughts. No complaining or gossip to others.

One thing that helps me forgive someone is think about my own sins and how much Jesus has forgiven me.

Jesus. This is just another way to grow into Your image, to be like You. I’m not to hold grudges, but be quick to forgive. I would love to see that attitude in our selfish world, but right now, the best I can do is have it myself.

 

Love Forgives

 

Many years ago, I was given the task of teaching a seminar on forgiveness. Research and prayer revealed misconceptions, such as “forgive and forget” and “I’ll forgive when they repent.” However, does God ever forget anything in the sense that it is totally gone from His mind? Hardly. Nor did He wait for us to change our ways before He sent Jesus? No, Jesus died for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8)

The bottom line for my presentation was that to forgive means to not hold the sin of others against them. Yes, it will come to mind. Yes, the pain may persist or pop up at times, but forgiveness refuses to be angry or resentful toward the person that hurt me. Besides, am I totally innocent of ever doing harm to someone else? Not at all.

MacArthur’s devotional says, “If you love someone, you won’t keep a record of their offenses.” That means no holding of grudges and being firmly determined that when the offense comes to mind, thinking I have forgiven that offense just as Jesus has forgiven my sins. It also means intercession for that other person, praying that they experience God’s grace in their lives.

One Bible translation says that love “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” (1 Corinthians 13:5) This is an accounting term and illustrates that love is like a bookkeeper’s refusal to enter a transaction into his ledger. Love does not keep a record or hold others accountable for their sins against me. This is what Jesus does:

Blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin. (Romans 4:8)

In Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them . . . (2 Corinthians 5:19)

At the end of this last verse, it says God entrusts to me the message of reconciliation. He charges me to tell others about His forgiveness — and how can I do it if I don’t know it for myself and am not saved, or if I have been forgiven but refuse to forgive others? Jesus even put forgiveness into His teaching on prayer:

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors . . . . For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:12–15)

The NT says many times that I must be like Jesus and do what God did through Him (and still does): “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

PRAY: Jesus, I’m so grateful that You “live forever to intercede for me” because it seems at times that I will forever need it. Yet what hope and wonder to think of living with You in eternity without sin. As I dance around Your throne in the joy of banished sin, I may also chuckle at another reason You have made forgiveness easier for me — holding a grudge takes a lot of energy and I’ve not been gifted with enough stamina to stay angry for very long! This makes me smile too. Thank you. And lest anyone think forgiving others is easy, I can testify to experiencing deep wounds and the struggle to finally forgive, to no longer hold any anger against those who hurt me, even though in some situations repentance and apologies never happened. It helps to realize that You forgive for Your own name’s sake and that I need to do the same, that I might be a forgiving person like You, not  vindictive and wanting to get even. Your grace is sufficient and I am so glad that You remind me often of Your great forgiveness for my sins too.

PONDER: Matthew 18:21–35 again and make sure I am obedient to what Jesus taught in this parable!

 

 

Forgiving others as I have been forgiven . . .

Today’s devotional is much like the thoughts God gave me yesterday! This is affirmation, but also a reminder of the importance of thinking “Our Father” in our individualistic North American culture. We who love Jesus are a family. We are important to each other illustrated by being a Body, and like a human body, if one part hurts, the whole body suffers. Any rift between any part of this Body is painful and impairs the others who are members with us.

This is practical and spiritual. When I suffer, I’m comforted when other Christians suffer with me and pray for me. When I rejoice, my joy deepens when other Christians share it. If I confess sin, and another Christian says they know exactly how I feel because they struggle with that sin too, then I feel part of a larger battle. We are in this together, not alone in our daily challenges, or in our our joyful times.

When we pray as Jesus taught, we use collective words. Our prayers are about US not ME . . .

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:12–15)

Thinking about ‘us’ instead of separating myself from the Body of Christ means this: if I am upset with another Christian, I must pray “forgive us” because the reality is we are both in need of it — that person for whatever they did that upset me, and me for being upset rather than seeking restoration and having a genuine concern for their spiritual well-being. If my big toe hurts, I don’t kick at it or ignore it but do my best to fix the problem or seek the help of someone who can. This is why we pray “Our Father” — that we might act like adopted children in His family, for that is who we are.

Besides that, as MacArthur says, being an unforgiving Christian is a contradiction in terms. We are forgiven and know that freedom. We have Christ in us and know that He does not want us living in guilt and condemnation; He died to free us from that. No wonder the Bible says:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32)

Holding a grudge against another Christian is contrary to who I am. It has happened too often. MacArthur offers three steps to take, the first two are obvious. One, confess it to the Lord requesting He cleanse my unloving attitude, and give me directions on what needs to be done. Two, if the other person is aware of my hostility, go to that person and ask for forgiveness and reconciliation. Use caution if that person is unaware of my attitude. Telling them I’ve been negative toward them might come across as ‘getting even’ and be hurtful if they had been oblivious to my bad attitude.

Third, give the person something I value. It might be time, or a book, or words of blessing for their faith and ministry, anything that requires releasing something I treasure. Since “where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21), then I am giving a treasure AND my heart to that person, and God brings joy and freedom to those willing to make that kind of sacrifice.

Jesus, this is important. In Your instructions for prayer, the “Our Father” comes first. It is vital for healthy Body life. I’m not to ever let a grudge or critical resentment stand between me and another person. Not only will that will rob me of the full joy of forgiveness, it can weaken the effectiveness of Your Body, the church. Right away, I’m thinking of two people that tend to annoy me. I’ve taken the two steps with both, and did the third with one of them. Now You are reminding me how to bless the other one. It involves a sacrifice of both time and funds, but I know it is important. Thank You.

MORE: In the parable of the servant in Matthew 18:21–35, what does the being in jail in v. 34 represent to a Christian who will not forgive others as Christ has forgiven them? How is that debt cleared?