Genuine Forgiveness

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.” (Matthew 18:21–27)

Nearly every movie or television series I can think of involves lack of forgiveness. Someone hurts or betrays another person and retaliation follows. Yet Jesus speaks of the solution for such conflict and His cure rarely makes fiction never mind the reality of daily life.

From the War of the Roses in the 1400’s to the Hatfields and McCoys in the late 1800s, to modern family disputes, there are many feuds over everything from positions of power to who owns what, to what to call a family business, people fight over just about everything. Not only are some spats extremely petty, we travelled Europe several years ago and discovered people groups that held grudges against others for something that happened hundreds of years prior. 

I understand. I’ve been angry over nasty remarks and other less serious treatment, and griped far too long, finally realizing that my lack of forgiveness hurt me far more than it bothered the other person. What Jesus has done is illustrated in the story:

“But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:28–35)

If I could total up my sins, I might go out and hang myself as Judas did, and then not experience the forgiveness offered by Jesus. Like the servant who owed more than he could ever pay, I have no right or reason to not forgive those who owe me or who have hurt me. 

Oh, forgiveness is not forgetting, or putting the injury out of mind. It is choosing not to hold against the other person whatever they did. No retaliation or revenge. No bad thoughts. No complaining or gossip to others.

One thing that helps me forgive someone is think about my own sins and how much Jesus has forgiven me.

Jesus. This is just another way to grow into Your image, to be like You. I’m not to hold grudges, but be quick to forgive. I would love to see that attitude in our selfish world, but right now, the best I can do is have it myself.

 

Forgive but can’t forget?

One of the books on my computer is “Everyday Prayers” and I just read one about forgiveness. The pastor who wrote it described an unexpected encounter with someone who had deeply hurt him, but he thought he had forgiven this man. However, the pain came back and he realized thad he had not truly done so.

Years ago I taught a seminar on forgiveness. One point was that the slogan “forgive and forget” is not true. God does use the word “forgive” but it is usually in regard to Him forgiving us. When “forget” appears, it is often about the feeling of being abandoned. The Bible says my sin was forgiven in that He no longer holds it against me: “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12) But God does not forget anything.

That is, because of Christ, forgiveness is making a choice to not hold the sin of someone else against me. God does not forget and I may not either, but like the choice of not being upset all day against the person who cut me off on the freeway, I can choose to not hold the sin of another against them. The man who wrote the prayer about his own failure to forgive said: “I may never enjoy the gift of my brother’s repentance, at least this side of heaven, but there’s no justification for me tying my repentance to his.”

Years ago, a person I still spend time with told me a lie. When I realized it, trust in that person fell in a black hole and stayed there. I’d hoped for an admission of the lie (it wasn’t about me but about that person’s own mistakes) but it never came. Instead, it grew and became part of many incidents and choices, all based on that one lie.

Most often I think if a person lies about one thing, they will do it with other things, so my trust level could not crawl out of that hole, nor could I enjoy that person’s company. Every statement made me wonder if it was true, or a figment of imagination, or a bald-faced lie.
This morning, that statement from the prayer struck me as vital to my spiritual life: “I may never enjoy the gift of my brother’s repentance, at least this side of heaven, but there’s no justification for me tying my repentance to his.” My lack of forgiveness is a barricade. Jesus says it more than once:

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:12–15)
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Colossians 3:13)

A long time ago, someone else sinned against me in a far worse manner. This person would not respond to or accept forgiveness or even talk to me. So I put a chair in front of me, imagined that person in it, and then described my pain and expressed my decision to forgive. This meant not to hold that sin against that person, not that I could forget that it happened. 
God is reminding me to do this again. The one who lied is His child and He is the Father who makes the decision about what to do concerning that sin — my role is not to play God — as if I could.

PRAY: Thank You. Lack of forgiveness is not always on my mind nor an obvious block to my relationship with You, but this morning I can see it — and also know that Your choice is to remove it from me. Thank You, thank You.

Love Forgives

 

Many years ago, I was given the task of teaching a seminar on forgiveness. Research and prayer revealed misconceptions, such as “forgive and forget” and “I’ll forgive when they repent.” However, does God ever forget anything in the sense that it is totally gone from His mind? Hardly. Nor did He wait for us to change our ways before He sent Jesus? No, Jesus died for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8)

The bottom line for my presentation was that to forgive means to not hold the sin of others against them. Yes, it will come to mind. Yes, the pain may persist or pop up at times, but forgiveness refuses to be angry or resentful toward the person that hurt me. Besides, am I totally innocent of ever doing harm to someone else? Not at all.

MacArthur’s devotional says, “If you love someone, you won’t keep a record of their offenses.” That means no holding of grudges and being firmly determined that when the offense comes to mind, thinking I have forgiven that offense just as Jesus has forgiven my sins. It also means intercession for that other person, praying that they experience God’s grace in their lives.

One Bible translation says that love “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” (1 Corinthians 13:5) This is an accounting term and illustrates that love is like a bookkeeper’s refusal to enter a transaction into his ledger. Love does not keep a record or hold others accountable for their sins against me. This is what Jesus does:

Blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin. (Romans 4:8)

In Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them . . . (2 Corinthians 5:19)

At the end of this last verse, it says God entrusts to me the message of reconciliation. He charges me to tell others about His forgiveness — and how can I do it if I don’t know it for myself and am not saved, or if I have been forgiven but refuse to forgive others? Jesus even put forgiveness into His teaching on prayer:

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors . . . . For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:12–15)

The NT says many times that I must be like Jesus and do what God did through Him (and still does): “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

PRAY: Jesus, I’m so grateful that You “live forever to intercede for me” because it seems at times that I will forever need it. Yet what hope and wonder to think of living with You in eternity without sin. As I dance around Your throne in the joy of banished sin, I may also chuckle at another reason You have made forgiveness easier for me — holding a grudge takes a lot of energy and I’ve not been gifted with enough stamina to stay angry for very long! This makes me smile too. Thank you. And lest anyone think forgiving others is easy, I can testify to experiencing deep wounds and the struggle to finally forgive, to no longer hold any anger against those who hurt me, even though in some situations repentance and apologies never happened. It helps to realize that You forgive for Your own name’s sake and that I need to do the same, that I might be a forgiving person like You, not  vindictive and wanting to get even. Your grace is sufficient and I am so glad that You remind me often of Your great forgiveness for my sins too.

PONDER: Matthew 18:21–35 again and make sure I am obedient to what Jesus taught in this parable!

 

 

Blessed are the merciful . . .

 

God delights in mercy and gives me the privilege of showing mercy to others. In the physical realm I can give money to the poor, food to the hungry, or a bed to the homeless:

If among you, one of your brothers should become poor, in any of your towns within your land that the Lord your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart or shut your hand against your poor brother, but you shall open your hand to him and lend him sufficient for his need, whatever it may be. (Deuteronomy 15:7–8)

But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him? (1 John 3:17)

If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. (James 2:15–17)

From these three passages, mercy is an act of obedience, a demonstration of God’s love, and visible proof that I trust God and am willing to give whatever I can because He will take care of my needs.

The Bible tells other ways to show mercy. One of them is by forgiveness. “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14). Too often our forgiveness is conditional. That is, ‘I will forgive her when she says she is sorry’ as if lack of forgiveness will punish the offender. This doesn’t hurt others as much as it hurts me . . .

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. (Titus 3:3–7)

When someone sins against me and I get riled up, God reminds me that I’m just as guilty or more; I have no reason or right to put others down. He uses Gospel truth to put lack of forgiveness in perspective. I cannot claim that I am forgiven because of my goodness — salvation is by grace and mercy so who am I to withhold forgiveness from others!

We have a great high priest . . . Jesus, the Son of God . . . . For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14–16)

My only claim to the blessings of God is in what Christ has done. The above passage reminds me of that, but also that He sympathizes with my weaknesses because He knows what it is like to be tempted. I need to remember that truth when others fall into sin. Instead of condemning them, I know what it is like to be in their shoes. They need mercy, just as I need mercy. Because of God’s grace to me, I can show grace and mercy to others, no matter what they have done or are doing.

For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. (James 2:10–13)

We tend to categorize sin in a rating system, but God does not do that. Mercy realizes that my ‘little’ sins make me just as guilty of sin as the ‘big’ sins of someone else. Mercy thinks, ‘We are in this battle together’ not that I am better because my sins seem less serious to me.

Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Peter 2:10)

Jesus, your mercy put me into God’s kingdom. Otherwise, I’d not be here nor have any mercy for others. Mercy is not pity but a compassion that wants people to be God’s people. Enable me to see the needs and human hearts the way You see them, and to be merciful to them.

MORE: List the ways God has shown mercy to me. Think of others who are in those situations and how I can show His mercy to them.