Forgive but can’t forget?

One of the books on my computer is “Everyday Prayers” and I just read one about forgiveness. The pastor who wrote it described an unexpected encounter with someone who had deeply hurt him, but he thought he had forgiven this man. However, the pain came back and he realized thad he had not truly done so.

Years ago I taught a seminar on forgiveness. One point was that the slogan “forgive and forget” is not true. God does use the word “forgive” but it is usually in regard to Him forgiving us. When “forget” appears, it is often about the feeling of being abandoned. The Bible says my sin was forgiven in that He no longer holds it against me: “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12) But God does not forget anything.

That is, because of Christ, forgiveness is making a choice to not hold the sin of someone else against me. God does not forget and I may not either, but like the choice of not being upset all day against the person who cut me off on the freeway, I can choose to not hold the sin of another against them. The man who wrote the prayer about his own failure to forgive said: “I may never enjoy the gift of my brother’s repentance, at least this side of heaven, but there’s no justification for me tying my repentance to his.”

Years ago, a person I still spend time with told me a lie. When I realized it, trust in that person fell in a black hole and stayed there. I’d hoped for an admission of the lie (it wasn’t about me but about that person’s own mistakes) but it never came. Instead, it grew and became part of many incidents and choices, all based on that one lie.

Most often I think if a person lies about one thing, they will do it with other things, so my trust level could not crawl out of that hole, nor could I enjoy that person’s company. Every statement made me wonder if it was true, or a figment of imagination, or a bald-faced lie.
This morning, that statement from the prayer struck me as vital to my spiritual life: “I may never enjoy the gift of my brother’s repentance, at least this side of heaven, but there’s no justification for me tying my repentance to his.” My lack of forgiveness is a barricade. Jesus says it more than once:

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:12–15)
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Colossians 3:13)

A long time ago, someone else sinned against me in a far worse manner. This person would not respond to or accept forgiveness or even talk to me. So I put a chair in front of me, imagined that person in it, and then described my pain and expressed my decision to forgive. This meant not to hold that sin against that person, not that I could forget that it happened. 
God is reminding me to do this again. The one who lied is His child and He is the Father who makes the decision about what to do concerning that sin — my role is not to play God — as if I could.

PRAY: Thank You. Lack of forgiveness is not always on my mind nor an obvious block to my relationship with You, but this morning I can see it — and also know that Your choice is to remove it from me. Thank You, thank You.

WWJD? or How does Jesus think?

 

 

In the months before my sister died, she struggled with knowing what to do in unfamiliar situations. This became obvious when she travelled with us. As we walked from place to place, she lagged behind, watching us so she could copy what we were doing. While this makes me sad, I realize this also revealed her Christian character; she was willing to follow a good example. That is what Jesus wanted and the fruit of her obedience shows up in her sons and grandchildren who also follow Him.

I am also called to follow the EXAMPLE of Jesus, not go my own way or figure out my own path. I’m to watch Jesus and others who follow Him to see how I should live. But this is not merely copying; it goes far deeper.

When Jesus washed the feet of His disciples, He told them, “For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you.” (John 13:15) As humbling as it is to wash someone’s feet, or be washed this way by another, this wasn’t necessarily a ritual. It is more about serving others in whatever need presents itself, doing what I can do to bring blessing to them.

Following Jesus involves denial of self. Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it . . . .” (Matthew 16:24–26)

Giving up what I want is one thing, but admitting my weaknesses also goes against my pride. Jesus asks me to do both. In contrast to following the dictates of my intellect, emotions, and will, I’m to live in the power and motivation of the Holy Spirit. Jesus Christ did that, doing only what the Father told Him to do, even in Gethsemane when He said, “Not my will but thine be done.” All the more outstanding is the fact that Jesus was sinless, without that willful self-centered nature that pits itself against everything God wants.

Romans 15:5 tells me to live in harmony with others “in accord with Christ Jesus” meaning to think and act the same way as Jesus did. Paul lived that example and he encourages me to do the same:

2 Corinthians 10:1–6. “I, Paul, myself entreat you, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ—I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold toward you when I am away!— I beg of you that when I am present I may not have to show boldness with such confidence as I count on showing against some who suspect us of walking according to the flesh. For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.”

This requires a different way of thinking. Philippians 2:5–8 spells it out: “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Thinking like Jesus produces actions contrary to the behavior of selfish me. For instance, Colossians 3:13 tells me to bear with others and if I have a complaint against someone, I am to forgive them just as the Lord has forgiven me. This means obedience also to 1 Peter 2:21–23:

“For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.”

1 John is plain: “If I say I am abiding in Christ, I ought to walk in the same way in which He walked.” Hebrews 12 defines that as an attitude of faith and obedience that can “lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely” and enable me to “run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.” (Hebrews 12:1–3)

GAZE INTO HIS GLORY. ‘What would Jesus do?’ is answered by another question; How does Jesus think? I cannot play-act or fake this stuff. Instead, the Bible says I have His mind and must rely on His thoughts and allow Him to transform me, making faith visible as well as practical. For this, I must keep my eyes on Him.

 

The meaning of Forgiveness

 

Some people assume FORGIVENESS means to forget about it, or to stop hurting, or to diminish whatever was done against them. However, the FORGIVENESS of God is not like any of those definitions.

In the OT, almost every instance of God forgiving others is defined as to stop blaming or taking an offense into account. We might say it means to not hold that offense against them, even if it still hurts, even if we cannot forget it, and even if we continue to recognize the seriousness of what was done.

Sometimes the Hebrew word used is about accepting the other person or conceding to mercy rather than retaliation. Sometimes it is from a word that means to “lift up or remove” but all variations mean the same thing: forgiveness is refusing to hold against a person whatever offense they committed. It is found many times in Scripture. Some examples:

2 Chronicles 7:14. if my people who are called by my name humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Psalm 25:18. Consider my affliction and my trouble and forgive all my sins.

Jeremiah 31:34. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”

(In this verse, remember means to “to keep something in mind for attention or consideration.” God says here that rather than total forgetting something, He will not think about it as something that needs attending to or responding to. Really, God cannot forget anything!)

The NT idea of forgiveness is the same. Almost all the NT references define forgiveness from a word that means “to stop blaming or taking an offense into account.” This includes these well-known verses:  

Luke 23:34. And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.

1 John 1:9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Some examples use a word that refers to forgiving a debt or a release from a financial obligation, suggesting that God’s forgiveness erases our sin debt, forgiving us for not being able to repay Him what we owe Him — that is, our total love and obedience. With His forgiveness, He gives us the Holy Spirit who can help us live as He intended when He created humanity in His image.

GAZE INTO HIS GLORY. Another word for FORGIVENESS has the idea of being gracious. It is defined as “to forgive someone on account of the goodwill one has toward a person.” This goodwill is rooted in the idea of conceding to someone else. I know how difficult it can be to forgive others who have deeply wounded me, yet when I think of Jesus doing that for me, I also know I cannot forgive without God outpouring His Spirit to enable me. This gracious forgiveness word is used in these verses:

Ephesians 4:32. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:13. Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

For this, I must keep my eyes on Jesus, remembering all He has done for me and the forgiveness I experience because of His grace and mercy. Without His forgiveness, forgiving others would be impossible.