Forgive but can’t forget?

One of the books on my computer is “Everyday Prayers” and I just read one about forgiveness. The pastor who wrote it described an unexpected encounter with someone who had deeply hurt him, but he thought he had forgiven this man. However, the pain came back and he realized thad he had not truly done so.

Years ago I taught a seminar on forgiveness. One point was that the slogan “forgive and forget” is not true. God does use the word “forgive” but it is usually in regard to Him forgiving us. When “forget” appears, it is often about the feeling of being abandoned. The Bible says my sin was forgiven in that He no longer holds it against me: “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12) But God does not forget anything.

That is, because of Christ, forgiveness is making a choice to not hold the sin of someone else against me. God does not forget and I may not either, but like the choice of not being upset all day against the person who cut me off on the freeway, I can choose to not hold the sin of another against them. The man who wrote the prayer about his own failure to forgive said: “I may never enjoy the gift of my brother’s repentance, at least this side of heaven, but there’s no justification for me tying my repentance to his.”

Years ago, a person I still spend time with told me a lie. When I realized it, trust in that person fell in a black hole and stayed there. I’d hoped for an admission of the lie (it wasn’t about me but about that person’s own mistakes) but it never came. Instead, it grew and became part of many incidents and choices, all based on that one lie.

Most often I think if a person lies about one thing, they will do it with other things, so my trust level could not crawl out of that hole, nor could I enjoy that person’s company. Every statement made me wonder if it was true, or a figment of imagination, or a bald-faced lie.
This morning, that statement from the prayer struck me as vital to my spiritual life: “I may never enjoy the gift of my brother’s repentance, at least this side of heaven, but there’s no justification for me tying my repentance to his.” My lack of forgiveness is a barricade. Jesus says it more than once:

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:12–15)
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. (Colossians 3:13)

A long time ago, someone else sinned against me in a far worse manner. This person would not respond to or accept forgiveness or even talk to me. So I put a chair in front of me, imagined that person in it, and then described my pain and expressed my decision to forgive. This meant not to hold that sin against that person, not that I could forget that it happened. 
God is reminding me to do this again. The one who lied is His child and He is the Father who makes the decision about what to do concerning that sin — my role is not to play God — as if I could.

PRAY: Thank You. Lack of forgiveness is not always on my mind nor an obvious block to my relationship with You, but this morning I can see it — and also know that Your choice is to remove it from me. Thank You, thank You.