Ouch!

 

1 Samuel 20; Psalm 36; Lamentations 5; 1 Corinthians 2

Today the Lord speaks to me from another place. I ordered something online and was disappointed. It did not even come close to what was expected. I let the seller know that the product fell short. In the process of trying to do that, I saw that he was very rude to another negative response. I should have let that be a warning but instead said in my response that it was possible that customers that had not said anything were chalking it up to a waste of money.

The seller didn’t offer to fix the problem with his product. Instead, he attacked me with a few names and said he had a “companion” to this product but he definitely would not send it to me. I am puzzled by this. I never asked for that, just told him that there were errors in the product. I suggested he fix it, rather than blame the people who order it as being the problem. It seemed to me that selling his “companion” with the product would make for happy customers. Instead, he attacked again, with more name-calling.

I prayed about this. Was I rude? Or was this something else? Here’s what I found in God’s Word: “A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke . . . . (Proverbs 13:1) A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool . . . . (Proverbs 17:10) Better is open rebuke than hidden love. (Proverbs 27:5)

God’s ways are so different than my fleshy ideas. At first, I wanted to defend myself, tell the guy he was being rude, give him a real earful. Then I realized the seller of the product has trouble accepting any suggestion that he has made a mistake. To that other comment on his website, he was quick to blame the person who said the product was bad rather than taking responsibility for his own workmanship.

I’ve not had too much experience with this sort of person. I felt bad that he thought I was being rude, but then read what God says about rebuke. I’m not certain that the seller could be called “wicked” but the principle is here:

“Whoever says to the wicked, ‘You are in the right,’ will be cursed by peoples, abhorred by nations, but those who rebuke the wicked will have delight, and a good blessing will come upon them.” (Proverbs 24:24–25)

That said, God cares that I am not rude. He says in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is not rude. The Greek word used means: to act in defiance of social and moral standards, with resulting disgrace, embarrassment, and shame. The Bible is clear that rebukes are important but not to harm rather than restore.

Technically, my conversation with the man is private. I did not disgrace or shame him publicly. As for social/moral standards, in the family of God we are encouraged to restore those who are in error. My problem is knowing how to do that without being harsh. However, I also realize from these verses in Proverbs that no matter how a rebuke is given, a person who is self-defensive may perceive it as an attack no matter how it is presented.

I feel badly that my words were taken as a personal affront rather than an expression of disappointment in a shoddy product. I reread what I said and tried to imagine how I would react if this had happened the other way around. I may have flew off in a snit, but maybe not. The words were about the product, not the person. Any criticism I’ve received about what I offer for sale I take seriously; when my product was faulty, I fixed it.

My error is thinking that everyone responds that way instead of realizing that some people have a lot of trouble dealing with any suggestion that they are less than perfect.

APPLY: Humility is a challenge for everyone. In this situation, I need to remember that my thoughts and opinions are not as important as the well-being of others, even those who do not realize their pride is causing them to be inconsiderate. Oh Lord Jesus, enable me to be more like You.