Ouch!

 

1 Samuel 20; Psalm 36; Lamentations 5; 1 Corinthians 2

Today the Lord speaks to me from another place. I ordered something online and was disappointed. It did not even come close to what was expected. I let the seller know that the product fell short. In the process of trying to do that, I saw that he was very rude to another negative response. I should have let that be a warning but instead said in my response that it was possible that customers that had not said anything were chalking it up to a waste of money.

The seller didn’t offer to fix the problem with his product. Instead, he attacked me with a few names and said he had a “companion” to this product but he definitely would not send it to me. I am puzzled by this. I never asked for that, just told him that there were errors in the product. I suggested he fix it, rather than blame the people who order it as being the problem. It seemed to me that selling his “companion” with the product would make for happy customers. Instead, he attacked again, with more name-calling.

I prayed about this. Was I rude? Or was this something else? Here’s what I found in God’s Word: “A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke . . . . (Proverbs 13:1) A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool . . . . (Proverbs 17:10) Better is open rebuke than hidden love. (Proverbs 27:5)

God’s ways are so different than my fleshy ideas. At first, I wanted to defend myself, tell the guy he was being rude, give him a real earful. Then I realized the seller of the product has trouble accepting any suggestion that he has made a mistake. To that other comment on his website, he was quick to blame the person who said the product was bad rather than taking responsibility for his own workmanship.

I’ve not had too much experience with this sort of person. I felt bad that he thought I was being rude, but then read what God says about rebuke. I’m not certain that the seller could be called “wicked” but the principle is here:

“Whoever says to the wicked, ‘You are in the right,’ will be cursed by peoples, abhorred by nations, but those who rebuke the wicked will have delight, and a good blessing will come upon them.” (Proverbs 24:24–25)

That said, God cares that I am not rude. He says in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is not rude. The Greek word used means: to act in defiance of social and moral standards, with resulting disgrace, embarrassment, and shame. The Bible is clear that rebukes are important but not to harm rather than restore.

Technically, my conversation with the man is private. I did not disgrace or shame him publicly. As for social/moral standards, in the family of God we are encouraged to restore those who are in error. My problem is knowing how to do that without being harsh. However, I also realize from these verses in Proverbs that no matter how a rebuke is given, a person who is self-defensive may perceive it as an attack no matter how it is presented.

I feel badly that my words were taken as a personal affront rather than an expression of disappointment in a shoddy product. I reread what I said and tried to imagine how I would react if this had happened the other way around. I may have flew off in a snit, but maybe not. The words were about the product, not the person. Any criticism I’ve received about what I offer for sale I take seriously; when my product was faulty, I fixed it.

My error is thinking that everyone responds that way instead of realizing that some people have a lot of trouble dealing with any suggestion that they are less than perfect.

APPLY: Humility is a challenge for everyone. In this situation, I need to remember that my thoughts and opinions are not as important as the well-being of others, even those who do not realize their pride is causing them to be inconsiderate. Oh Lord Jesus, enable me to be more like You.

 

Can righteous people be too nice?

Someone at his workplace told my husband that he is “too nice.” Hubby has learned that harshness can bring out rebellion in employees while kindness results in cooperation. He does not do this to be popular. He is projected-oriented and wants the job done.

However, many people are “too nice” because they want others to like them. Being popular is more important that taking a stand against anything that is wrong. For instance, most of us learn that telling the truth can result in losing friends!

Tozer takes a shot at the Christian church in this regard. He says, “We are too nice! We are too tolerant! We are too anxious to be popular! We are too quick to make excuses for sin in its many forms! If I could stir Christians around me to love God and hate sin, even to the point of being a bit of a nuisance, I would rejoice.” This seems in contrast to the verse he quotes:

“Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.” (Proverbs 21:21)

God says the pursuit of righteousness results in finding it, plus life and honor, not in becoming the object of persecution. However, the NT says: “Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.” (2 Timothy 3:12) 

Is this a contradiction? I looked again at the proverb and see that word “kindness.” Is there a way to be righteous and kind at the same time? While kindness is not guaranteed to win friends and influence people, it seems to me that if I am both righteous and kind it would make a difference in how I am treated.

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15)

“Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart.” (1 Peter 1:22)

Righteousness does make a person the object of scorn if their righteousness is deeply convicting. Jesus is the supreme example. In my own life, I’ve had non-Christian friends make fun of me because I drink water when they have liquor. Even if I wanted alcohol, health issues say otherwise, yet they express that I make them feel guilty. It’s not a stretch to imagine what purity and godliness do to the conscience of others. I knew a man who received a lot of flack when he wore a t-shirt with “I love my wife” written on it.

Christians do need to stand up for good and for God. However, we do not need to do that in an obnoxious way as if we are better than everyone else. Self-righteousness has done far more harm to the reputation of the church than silence. Paul preached the Gospel far and wide, but he also admitted he was the worst of sinners!

I know how to tell others about sin and godliness. I’ve done it in pride — and been obnoxious. I know God wants humility. I’ve also realized that sharing my trials and struggles has gained far more ground to the hearts of others than telling them about my victories, never mind telling them what to do about their problems. God keeps showing me that being a godly person isn’t just about my mouth.

Valid criticism is not the same as persecution and rejection. The church is being criticized for not taking a stand against evil and that is valid. Christians can be a pain in the neck. 

However, some criticize Christians because they are against Jesus Christ and not at all interested in the solution He offers for the human dilemma. When we share the Gospel, some of them will persecute us for speaking the truth, even speaking it in kindness and love. 

Going beyond that, the Bible says our enemies are not flesh and blood, but evil powers in the spiritual realm. Our weapon against them is wearing our spiritual armor and fighting evil with prayer . . .

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” (Ephesians 6:11–20)

^^^^^^^^^^

Lord Jesus, forgive me and forgive Your people for trying to demonstrate righteousness by telling others they are evil — as if we never sin. Forgive us for our pride and lack of love. Forgive us also for not taking up what You have given us: the armor of God and the power of prayer. As Paul said, keep me alert and in prayer, and give me boldness to open my mouth as Your Spirit leads and gives opportunity. Also keep me from desiring others to like me more than I desire them to know and love You.