Tough love? Or twisted love?

Last week I finished a fiction crime mystery in which the antagonist killed his first wife and tried to kill the second when they were pregnant. He didn’t want children. The odd part of the story is that this man was weeping as he did his evil deeds.

The story has him mentally ill, but it made me think of how twisted human thinking can be concerning love. The word is not only used for chocolate and pizza, but people claim great love for their family members as the reason for putting them to death. Sometimes they do it to ‘spare them’ from suffering. Sometimes they do it because they feel unloved in return.

The love of God is not like that. First and most important, His love is not conditional. That is, it does not depend on what we do or do not do. He loves because He is love and the very source of it . . .

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7–8)

This love wants the eternal best for His people. If His love is accepted, it becomes real and enjoyed. The problem comes when it is rejected. Then Satan’s biggest lie is readily accepted (“God does not love you”) and the idea of love is in danger of being perverted.

For instance, it is possible to discipline children because of love. Parents want their children to be safe, self-controlled, and able to treat others with respect. If love gets twisted, then parents might discipline because their children are annoying them or only because they had a bad day at work. This is not love.

Paul wrote to the church at Corinth with strong words of discipline. He didn’t want them to think he was being mean but to realize his words were driven by love. Love cares that other Christians live godly lives. Love will, if need be, do whatever is necessary to get those who stray back on track. At the same time, the one who is administering that loving discipline may feel conflicted . . .

But I call God to witness against me—it was to spare you that I refrained from coming again to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith. For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you. (2 Corinthians 1:23–2:4)

I can relate to Paul’s anguish. Who wants to speak harshly to those they love? I don’t. However, there are times when another person is harming themselves and others by their actions. Sometimes God puts it on my heart to say something, to speak the truth in love with whatever level of bluntness is required.

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Lord Jesus, this is always a tough assignment. I’m hoping You won’t test me on it today yet a test would not come as a surprise. Help me remember that love is not mushy nor is it cruel. Your love is about godliness. When I act like an unsaved person, it is love that wants a change. Because I can be stubborn, that change might require a swift kick or a smack to wake me up to my foolishness. Yet You do it in love, hugging me as You discipline me. Grant me the grace I need for whatever comes my way today.

Today’s thankful list . . .

Hot baths.

Apricots.

Visit from another granddaughter who came over on her day off work.

Quick mail order service.

PayPal making it easy to get paid.

Flowers, ferns, herbs and berries.

My incredibly thoughtful husband.

Speaking the truth in love?

Sunday’s sermon addressed the issue of shooting our own wounded. That is, Christians in the church hurting or offending other Christians. I’m certain that every one of us would say that is an awful thing and it should not happen, but it does. In fact, it could be the most off-putting thing about the Christian faith.

The pastor did a remarkable job of explaining why it happens and what we need to do about it. As I listened, I thought how easy it is to be offensive, to argue over matters of opinion that do not matter, or get into serious discussion about important issues and state our views without considering how our language and intensity can be viewed as a personal attack rather than a defense of the faith.

This morning, my devotional guide says, “In one sense, the book of Acts is simply a defense of Christianity. That believers need to defend and contend for the faith is clear.” What that means and includes is just as great a challenge as the people who need to hear such a defense. Also, what is the difference between defending my faith and getting into a conversation that offends others?

 . . . but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil. (1 Peter 3:15–17)

In this passage, Peter is telling persecuted readers what their attitude should be. They should always hope in God and be prepared to explain why — without harshness or any disrespect for those who listen. As he says, I’m to live righteously and do nothing that offends my own conscience. If someone slanders me, it should always be their problem and not mine. If they are inclined speak evil of me, I’m not to have done anything to bring it on. This includes the way I share my faith or speak up for truth.

In last night’s Bible study, someone said the God of the Old Testament was much harsher than how He is revealed in the New Testament. At that, I defended grace, that the OT stories showed God’s grace as much as His wrath. He hates sin and yet when His people sinned, He didn’t slaughter the entire human race. He forgave and stuck with them until He sent Jesus who died for all that sin and disobedience. We try to understand why God had many groups of people wiped off the face of the earth, but my point was that without grace, why does He allow any of us to live? We are all sinners.

I’m not sure if I offended anyone. I hope not yet I realize the Word of God clearly says that any discussion with anyone about faith requires that I be nice about it.

Paul was in prison when he wrote to the Philippians. He became aware that others were glad he was put there because they could move ahead in the “most popular preacher” race, a very self-centered motivation that still can affect how some people contend for the faith. Paul was not playing that game. He said:

“The former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice.” (Philippians 1:17–18)

Rather than get into a contention about who was the best, or the most successful, he was glad that they were doing what he was limited in doing; Jesus was being preached. For him, this was far more important. This tells me that any competition in rhetoric or to be the ‘winner’ of a debate is not the issue. The glory of God is the issue. So be nice.

Jude also warned his readers to speak up about their faith. In his admonition, he was concerned about false teachers who denied Christ and promoted sensuality.

Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints. For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ. (Jude 3–4)

Sensual means sinful abandon, indulgence in sensual pleasure unrestrained by convention or morality. It can be as simple as focusing on the comforts of this world (God wants you healthy, wealthy, etc.) to more obvious wickedness. Christians today need to defend our faith against those who assume God will give them whatever they want, not realizing that being like Jesus means “not my will but Thine be done.” At the same time, be nice!

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Lord, I can easily offend non-Christians but also those who believe in Christ as I talk about my faith. Sometimes I open my mouth without putting my brain in gear, or without knowing where others might be sensitive or have painful issues that I’m hitting on. Grant me an ear to listen before speaking, to love people and care about them, but also to put Your glory ahead of everything else, including my own wants.

Disappointed with God?

A few years ago, I was sharing with my sister the frustration I felt about witnessing or telling others about Jesus. It cannot be done properly without the leading and enablement of the Holy Spirit. In my strength it becomes forced, pushy, awkward and without results. She wisely said, “. . .where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17) reminding me that the power to witness is a God-thing. Good advice.

However, there is a paradox here. On one hand, I need the Holy Spirit to help me tell others about Jesus, but my silence is not always about His absence. Sometimes it is about my cowardice.

If I am walking with the Lord as I should, witnessing to His grace and goodness is the norm and should simply be happening. Just before ascending, Jesus told His disciples:

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.” (Acts 1:8)

The disciples were still concerned about the kingdom being restored to Israel, but Jesus had a different plan. His kingdom is not political but spiritual. His rule is not over territories, nations and cultures but over human hearts. The expectation of a political Messiah caused most of the Jews to miss who He was. They wanted a white knight on a white horse who would deliver them from the dominion of Rome, not a suffering Savior on a rugged cross who would deliver them from political oppression. They even missed identifying Him because of false expectations.

Reflecting on that, it seems to me that any disappointments I’ve felt about God were for the same reasons. I was a spoiled child — and expected God to indulge me. He does, but not in the ways I’ve wanted or demanded. I’ve had to learn to let God be God. His thoughts are higher than mine; His purposes far different than anything I might determine.

As for the witnessing part, what is it that God wants me to witness to? Christians need to be careful here. If we think differently about Jesus’ mission than what the Bible describes, then we will tell others our version and eventually they will be disappointed. For instance, if my version of the gospel is that Jesus will solve all problems and drive away all discomfort, I can tell others this, but it will be without the authority and power of the Holy Spirit — and it simply isn’t true. They will be disappointed.

In reading the Bible through each year, the bigger picture is far different than my first impressions. In the beginning, I saw only what I wanted to see — the indulging God who would answer whatever I asked in the name of Jesus. However, I’ve learned something about what it means to pray in His name. Most of the time I was using it as a magic formula, not at all as God intends.

I’ve done that with witnessing too, that is, tried to persuade people in the power of logic and rhetoric. This is not what God meant when He promised the power of the Holy Spirit.

The other lesson in all of this is realizing what people expect from God is not always the same as what He is offering them. The Bible says that the flesh (or natural person) resists the Spirit and this is true. The gospel is offensive and rejected unless the power of the Spirit is at work. No amount of persuasion or reasoning will do it when a “I want” blocks the will of the Lord.

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Jesus, help me remember these things as I pray and as I share Your message with others. Keep me from false expectations and from trying to talk to people with my ideas of what they need to hear. May I always realize my own helplessness and rely instead on Your loving power.