Expressing Love?

If a child is disobedient, some think discipline is needed while others criticize discipline as abuse. In today’s devotional, John Piper writes about limits to love. Perhaps a better term would be ‘expressions of love.’ If children are loved, parents do not want them to grow up thinking it is okay to do bad things. God is like that with me. Although He accepted me as a selfish, sinful person, He loves me too much to leave me that way. 

The question is, how does He express that love? I’ve often said, sometimes it is with a hug and sometimes it is with a 2 by 4. For instance, I remember hubby sending me on an errand that I didn’t want to do. When I got to the place of business, the owner came out with the items I was to pick up and he was homely, smelly, and repulsive. Then he said something that glorified God. I felt hugged by his words and kicked in the head at the same time for my attitude. 

In other situations my sinful attitudes were more serious. God loved me to repentance by allowing me to experience the consequences of my selfishness. Ugh! Even though He didn’t publicly shame me (love expressed), He taught me lessons and keeps working to rid me of thinking, saying, or doing things that are shameful. Again, those harsh lessons are rooted in love.

Piper asks, how do God’s command to love others, even our enemies, work toward loving incorrigible sinners? Jesus said, 

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew 5:43–48)

Add to that these words about how to treat those who hurt us:

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:19–21)

God may be planning vengeance according to His wisdom and justice, or He may use acts of love for enemies to turn their hearts toward Him. This is not for me to decide. I’m simply to love others, all of them.

And yet Piper points out that forgiveness has a line that should not be crossed, at least in regard to praying for someone who is in sin: 

If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. All wrongdoing is sin, but there is sin that does not lead to death. (1 John 5:16–17)

God knows who has a heart of stone and totally refuses His goodness and grace. I don’t know that. Therefore, it is not up to me to judge, but pray — at least until He indicates otherwise. His love may mean He is at work in that person to rescue them, but it may mean that He has reserved them for judgment. 

PRAY: Lord, all this means paying attention to Your Spirit and allowing You to direct love and the expression of it. You sometimes surprise me with grace to forgive and even grace to rebuke. I’m to speak the truth in love, and that means knowing truth, and knowing how to express it as You want me to. Sometimes it is the opposite of what I think it should be.

The love of God. . . .

Today is considered ‘love’ day when special expressions of love are offered, expected, and appreciated. This is not a worldwide holiday. Several countries do not recognize it. A few designate it as a private thing, unlike North America where the stores are filled with red, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates.

Biblical love is generally not describe the same way we describe romantic love. Bible love is more about the love of God for those who know Jesus and how that love is expressed.

That said, today’s reading speaks of another idea about love. When Lazarus died, Jesus went to his sisters and one verse says, “Jesus wept.” At this, The Jews said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:36) This is oddly different from the words of both sisters who said, “If You had been here…” perhaps implying His love failed them. In other words, reading this brings out the fact that I cannot see hearts and know why people say or do what they do, particularly about love.

This reminds me of the pastor who saw a woman weeping during his message and assumed she was deeply touched by what he said. After the service, he found out she was crying because her cat just died!

As for the tears of Jesus, it seems wise not to interpret them by saying what made Him weep. Who knows? Sometimes we don’t understand the motivations of others.

The study of love languages gives more examples. One of my family feels loved when given gifts, but she is not greedy in the slightest. I feel loved when listened to and rejected when ignored. Others feel loved when touched, valuing a hug or a touch on their arm. It appears that the Jews interpreted Jesus’ tears as an expression of love but He may have thought something else. He also wept in another situation:

And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, “Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes. For the days will come upon you, when your enemies will set up a barricade around you and surround you and hem you in on every side and tear you down to the ground, you and your children within you. And they will not leave one stone upon another in you, because you did not know the time of your visitation.” (Luke 19:41–44)

His tears did express love, grief, and loss, but not because a friend died. Instead, Jerusalem rejected His arrival as their Messiah and He felt great sorrow for them and for what they were missing. At the grave of Lazarus, He could have wept because of a similar lack of faith in His power to raise Lazarus.

When the Bible tells me to love others, I’m also seeing how love is not always what I might suppose either. One passage says biblical love comes from those who know God and His love — through knowing Christ and His salvation. Love from me is His love in me, not from just me. I must abide in Him, be certain of His love, be confident that I’m forgiven and without fear of judgment. I love God because He loves me, and can only love His way by being certain of His love. (1 John 4:7–19) I need to be filled with His Spirit to love in a way that makes others feel loved by God.

Scripture also describes love in more concrete terms that show how God's love is not about what most people think it is. Instead of loving someone for how good they make me feel, showing His love is an expression of care for others without any benefit in it for me:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:1–7)

PRAY: Lord, Your love is far beyond human description and ability. The closest I can come to understand it is by staying near the cross where You died. You say most of us would likely not  die for a righteous person, or maybe a good person, but in love, You died for us while we were still sinners. Enable me to never turn my heart away from this amazing and gracious ultimate expression of Your love, a love not based on performance or what anyone does for me, except that You love me and You died for me.  (Romans 5:7–8)

Tough love? Or twisted love?

Last week I finished a fiction crime mystery in which the antagonist killed his first wife and tried to kill the second when they were pregnant. He didn’t want children. The odd part of the story is that this man was weeping as he did his evil deeds.

The story has him mentally ill, but it made me think of how twisted human thinking can be concerning love. The word is not only used for chocolate and pizza, but people claim great love for their family members as the reason for putting them to death. Sometimes they do it to ‘spare them’ from suffering. Sometimes they do it because they feel unloved in return.

The love of God is not like that. First and most important, His love is not conditional. That is, it does not depend on what we do or do not do. He loves because He is love and the very source of it . . .

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7–8)

This love wants the eternal best for His people. If His love is accepted, it becomes real and enjoyed. The problem comes when it is rejected. Then Satan’s biggest lie is readily accepted (“God does not love you”) and the idea of love is in danger of being perverted.

For instance, it is possible to discipline children because of love. Parents want their children to be safe, self-controlled, and able to treat others with respect. If love gets twisted, then parents might discipline because their children are annoying them or only because they had a bad day at work. This is not love.

Paul wrote to the church at Corinth with strong words of discipline. He didn’t want them to think he was being mean but to realize his words were driven by love. Love cares that other Christians live godly lives. Love will, if need be, do whatever is necessary to get those who stray back on track. At the same time, the one who is administering that loving discipline may feel conflicted . . .

But I call God to witness against me—it was to spare you that I refrained from coming again to Corinth. Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, for you stand firm in your faith. For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you. (2 Corinthians 1:23–2:4)

I can relate to Paul’s anguish. Who wants to speak harshly to those they love? I don’t. However, there are times when another person is harming themselves and others by their actions. Sometimes God puts it on my heart to say something, to speak the truth in love with whatever level of bluntness is required.

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Lord Jesus, this is always a tough assignment. I’m hoping You won’t test me on it today yet a test would not come as a surprise. Help me remember that love is not mushy nor is it cruel. Your love is about godliness. When I act like an unsaved person, it is love that wants a change. Because I can be stubborn, that change might require a swift kick or a smack to wake me up to my foolishness. Yet You do it in love, hugging me as You discipline me. Grant me the grace I need for whatever comes my way today.

Today’s thankful list . . .

Hot baths.

Apricots.

Visit from another granddaughter who came over on her day off work.

Quick mail order service.

PayPal making it easy to get paid.

Flowers, ferns, herbs and berries.

My incredibly thoughtful husband.

The love of God

How can the love of God be explained? The ‘love chapter’ (below, in part) does it with words, yet as Tozer writes, it is best understood when experienced.

We were members of a large church in California whose pastor is well-known. This church had many elders and deacons. We didn’t know many of these people, but one stands out in my memory because there was something about him that is unforgettable; when standing near him, I felt as if I was standing in the presence of the Lord. I realize now that this ‘something’ was the love of God. This man was so filled with the Spirit of God and cared so much about other people that it seemed to flow out of him.

The ‘love chapter’ begins with the importance of love in a description of how it changes lives . . .

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:1–3)

Wonderful speech is not a bad thing, but without love it has little value. Noise can be loud and important, but ineffective. Prophetic power and doctrinal acuity mean nothing without love. Faith that changes things, even moves mountains is nothing without love, as is great generosity and personal sacrifice.

In other words, the very best a person can do, the most miraculous and self-effacing actions and offerings are possible without love, but God says they have no value unless the love of God is in them. I can be motivated by many things, selfish or noble, but love outshines them all.

Of course this pushes me to ask myself how to know what is love and what isn’t. The description in verses 4 and forward are helpful, but not quite enough. I know patient people whose kindness comes across as having personal motives. I can rejoice in the truth and be a pain in the neck doing it. Love goes beyond that because it is not a surface action flowing from any source other than the heart of God. I cannot ‘make’ love come out of me because it is something that God does.

In thinking about those who display the love of God, my best thought is that they love God with a depth that many people never reach. Their humility and sense of His grace in their lives is so powerful that it permeates all that they think and do. This love is about experiencing His love in the greatest and most sincere way possible. It comes to those who realize just how much they have been forgiven and blessed. No pride, no self-glory, nothing in their lives is about them. It is all for Jesus.

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First, I thank You Lord for the examples of those who love You in this way and hold up a standard of love that can be sought after and reached. Second, I know I’m not like them, and even making that evaluation proves it. Love is not focused on self or comparing myself with others. God is the focus. I pray You will persist with transformation that I might be more like You. Keep my thoughts and concerns focused the way You want them to be . . . that I might glorify You and more deeply love You.

This is love-month?

Today’s flyers are filled with hearts. One of them calls February the month of love. Another features jewelry that is heart-shaped. The stores are filled with chocolate and other gifts in red, heart-shaped containers.

All this is good, yet my question this morning about Valentine’s Day was why should this be only one day a year? Shouldn’t I express my love for others all the time?

This is a challenge because biblical love or the love of God is different than human affection and passion. It is action that expresses God’s desire for the best in the life of another, especially their eternal well-being. God’s love, as expressed in Christ, includes personal sacrifice. That is, if I love people as I ought, then I will be willing to act on their behalf even when it costs me something.

This kind of love comes only from God. For most people, the best love without Him is loving our children, yet all who have children know that there are limits. Our love can ebb and flow and is not eternal. Instead, I am to love others as God loves me, and respond to His love by loving Him in return. This is not emotional even though emotions are involved. Instead, as He says, obedience is the only way to express this love:

“Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.” (John 14:21)

What happens to love when people resist and reject God and will not obey Him? This happens, even to Christians. For those who have that relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ, the relationship is not broken nor is His love affected by our lack of obedience, but sin messes with our fellowship. Prayer stops. Listening stops. Yet God’s love never stops.

So, what happens if I am obeying God and loving others, but someone resists or rejects God? Will they reject me too? Do I stop caring about them? Do I stop communicating with them? Surely communication will be affected, but if the source of my love for them is the love of God for me, then His love will not grind to a halt. It is still there, hoping for a response, hoping for reconciliation and restoration, hoping for an even deeper relationship than before sin messed with it.

Tozer says God loves me because of something in Himself, and so if Christ is dwelling is me, I will love because of the Christ within. He is right. If I try caring about people on my own, I can do it as long as they please me, but if they sin against me, or others, or God, that love is inadequate. It quits. Only the love of Christ never quits.

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Lord Jesus, thank You for loving me. Thank You that Your love is eternal and no matter what I do, it will never drop away or pull back. I also thank You for showing me how to love You in obedience, experiencing that open, sweet fellowship that is like no other. In the Body of Christ, that same love is a wonderful expression of You in our midst. It can be marred by sin, but Your love does not stop. My prayer is that I will keep on valuing it so much that it will never cease to flow through me either!