Brokenness before wholeness

Few people want to be called a crackpot, or even a cracked pot, but that is something like a major aspect of spiritual growth.

I started my walk with Christ in great confidence. Now that God was on my side, I felt as if I could do anything. Besides, I was in love with Jesus Christ and most of us know the attitude that accompanies being in love. We are optimistic to a fault and failure never crosses our minds!

However, I had to learn a few things. One of them was that I cannot live this new life in my own strength and confidence. God had to break that pride and change my thinking.

And the vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to do. (Jeremiah 18:4)

Brokenness does not happen to all Christians. At least it seems like some of us are more stubborn than others. I feel as if I’m one of the stubborn ones. I know what God wants, but deeply resist it.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51:17)

How does God “spoil” a vessel that He is forming? The process is painful, even embarrassing. For instance, He may throw difficult circumstances at me. Once I saw a potter stand several feet from the pot on her wheel. She picked up lumps from the floor and hurled them at the pot, reshaping it to suit her. God can do that too.

Sometimes failure does it. When I try in my own strength to do the will of God, He does not allow continued success. After a time, I begin to get the message, that I’m trusting myself and not Him. This is also humbling.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6)

Another way God brings brokenness is through great disappointment. He knows how to make me understand that I cannot have my own way or control my own destiny. I’m His child, not His spoiled brat. Even when I want what He wants, I cannot by my own will make it happen. In helplessness and sorrow, I must acknowledge that He is Lord and I am not. In true brokenness, this is not mere words, but a deep change in the way I think.

As a cracked pot, I’m certain that God is not finished with me. However, as long as I am spinning on His wheel and being reworked by His hand, I am increasing in confidence, not in myself but in the fact that He is the Master Potter, and He knows what He is doing.

How to be joyful

Yesterday we attended the funeral of a 93-year old uncle. It was in a city normally a three-hour drive from ours. In our travels, we listened to a sermon on the radio. It was about joy and how the joy God provides does not depend on circumstances. As we listened, the joy of the Lord flooded my heart. Travel was difficult with icy road conditions and blowing snow. Our GPS guided us past the car accidents and heavy traffic through part of the city we would not have otherwise chosen and we made it in four hours. Two cousins we haven’t seen for twenty years were there so we had a good visit. 

Despite a scratchy throat and the hint of laryngitis, I felt fine, avoided handshakes, and didn’t pass on my germs. Again, our GPS took us around the heaviest traffic as we left the city during rush hour. We drove part way home and stopped for the night in a farming community. Their Farm Fair is on, but we got the last room available in the hotel, perhaps the last one in the city. All day I felt the generous provision of God and His joy.

Sitting here, looking out at minus temperatures and anticipating the drive ahead, I again feel needy. I’d like a cup of chicken soup and a hot-water bottle. And again, God is timely with His words to me.

… and for his allowance, a regular allowance was given him by the king, according to his daily needs, as long as he lived. (2 Kings 25:30)

Today’s devotional reading rightly says that the actions of breathing which I performed yesterday will not keep me alive today. Of course, I must continue to breathe afresh every moment, or my life would cease. In the same way, yesterday’s grace and spiritual strength must be renewed. I must continue to rely on the care of God and seek His joy. 

The Holy Spirit will continue to provide what I need. I cannot take God for granted, yet at the same time, I can rely on His care every moment of every day.

Today, as yesterday, if joy depended on circumstances it would not happen. We lost a dear family member. We have a long and arduous drive ahead of us. I have laryngitis and a heavy head cold setting in. Since I’ve not had a cold for about five years, feeling sorry for myself could come easily, more easily than joy.

Yet His joy is here. Yesterday’s sermon offered several things to put in place so joy fills our hearts, but for me, it is almost always there when I am simply yielded to God, accepting my circumstances as part of His plan for me. Having a cold is not fun, but He has kept me healthy for a long time. How can I accept good from His hand and refuse the unpleasant? 

Faith is saying yes to God, no matter what. If I fight every unpleasant thing that comes my way, then I become a very crabby person. Far better to accept His daily allowance, knowing that He knows what is best. Besides, when my heart is filled with joy, it doesn’t really matter that my head is filled with germs!

Does God drive a snowplow?

Those who say that being a Christian is boring or not fun have no idea what they are talking about. Today we are heading out to a funeral in another city. I say heading out because the roads are listed as “poor” and if that is true (sometimes it isn’t), we will turn around and come home. However, in this adventure called life, both of us feel that God wants us to go.

Today’s devotional takes me to this Old Testament passage about Elijah. In these few verses, God tells this man to go somewhere, not once but twice. And Elijah does what he is told. 

Now Elijah… said to Ahab, “As the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, before whom I stand, there shall be neither dew nor rain these years, except by my word.” And the word of the Lord came to him: “Depart from here and turn eastward and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, which is east of the Jordan. You shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.” So he went and did according to the word of the Lord. He went and lived by the brook Cherith that is east of the Jordan. And the ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook. And after a while the brook dried up, because there was no rain in the land. Then the word of the Lord came to him, “Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and dwell there. Behold, I have commanded a widow there to feed you.” So he arose and went to Zarephath… (1 Kings 17:1–10)

Obedience does not necessarily mean an easy path. The drought that Elijah predicted affected him too. He was sent into a remote place and fed by ravens. Did he wonder every day if these birds would show up?

Eventually, his source of water dried up and God told him to move on to another place. The widow that fed him had enough for one meal, but under the power of God, she was able to take care of herself, her son — and Elijah for many days. His path was difficult, but the care of God was sufficient.

For us, travelling today is a bit of an experiment. My husband says we will test the road conditions. If we can do it, we will go to the funeral. After reading about Elijah, is this also an experiment in faith? 

Certainly the God of Elijah is also our God and when He wants a path travelled, He is able to make it possible and provide whatever is needed. 

The importance of speaking truth in love

The older I get, the less I feel like talking. I’ve never been much for small talk. Besides, that the tongue is “an unruly evil” and can cause much trouble. I also know the challenges of phrasing truth in an understandable way, never mind the importance of having the right motive for speaking in the first place.

God says to “speak the truth in love.” Those five words are even more difficult than “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” Truth spoken is easier than truth spoken in love, and the mushy kind of love is far easier than the love God wants. Sometimes saying nothing at all is much less complicated.

The passage that tells me to speak the truth in love is set in the context of becoming spiritually mature. It says God gives leaders to equip His people and bring us to the “fullness of Christ”…

… so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:14–16)

I’m a bit surprised by this context. Speaking the truth in love is integral to growing up. It is also important toward unity in the Body of Christ and having each one do their part to the best of their God-given ability. As I ponder that in view of my tendency to be quiet, I realize speaking so the church can grow is the love part. Of course, what I say has to be correct, lining up with the revelation given in Scripture, but the reason for saying it is so others can become more like Jesus. 

Alongside these godly motivations for speaking stands a nasty reason why I don’t. Too often I’m more worried about what they will think of me than I care about their eternal well-being. That is not love but pure selfishness.

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Lord, again Your Word nails my sinful attitudes. While I care about the spiritual life of others, I too often focus on myself and stay quiet rather than risk rejection. You are not like that. Instead, You spoke as the Father gave You words, and were despised and rejected because of speaking the truth. Then, instead of retaliating or hiding in silence, You submitted to the cross, not because You are helpless but because You love us.

Overcoming sin

Years ago, my husband put on one of those very ugly, creepy soft rubber masks and tried to give me a hug. The mask freaked me out. No matter how much he tried to act like his normal self, I still wanted to run away. He had to remove the mask before I wanted to get close to him. 

Act the part or try harder is common advice given when relationships don’t work or other failures occur. However, when trying to be a godly person who overcomes sin, trying harder is terrible advice. It doesn’t work.  

Instead, God has a different way. He says when we sin, trying harder only adds to the problem. Instead of relying on the grace and strength of God, trying harder is trusting myself. Trusting myself is the root of sin in the first place. Instead, the Bible says…

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. (Proverbs 3:5–8)

When I fail, it was my own understanding that led to that downfall. Why then should I trust my own understanding to get me out of trouble? Trying harder will only multiply the problem, not fix it.

Instead, the solution to failure is confession and repentance. Confession is agreeing with God that I messed up. It can be as simple as getting angry in traffic or as complex as years of bitterness against someone who hurt me. Yet no matter the sin, God wants me to call it what it is. His response is always amazing.

Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. (Proverbs 28:13)

Confession is important, but so is repentance. This includes renouncing sin, but repentance is more than that. I can admit I did something bad, but keep on doing it. Instead, God wants me to forsake that sin. Try accomplishing that without help! Just as trying harder does not keep me from sin, trying harder does not help me forsake it. God’s solution for sin is far more radical. He first forgives, then cleanses, then replaces.

Forgives: When iniquities prevail against me, you atone for our transgressions. (Psalm 65:3)

Cleanses: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Replaces: You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. (Ephesians 4:22–24)

In the kingdom of God, the children of God are never to wear masks. God asks us to be transparent before Him and before one another. We cannot conceal our sin before Him and why would we try? He offers atonement and mercy, forgiveness and new life. He also gives us the Holy Spirit that we might have power to say no to sin and yes to righteousness and holiness. 

Pride makes me want to try harder, to do it myself. But I’ve tried harder against sin, in dieting, in keeping an exercise routine, in teaching, using other skills, even in keeping my house clean. None of that works. Just as I cannot overcome sin by myself, I cannot do anything without the help and grace of God. Others might call this a crutch, but I’ve learned that using crutches is far better than wearing a mask.

Levels of faith

Oswald Chambers describes three levels of faith. He says the first level is mental belief. This can be mere assent that something is true, but also a commitment that abandons all things not related to that commitment. For example, after a brief discussion on the difficulty of faith, I asked a man about his faith. 

He said, “Sure, I believe that Jesus died for the sins of the world. What is so difficult about that?”

I replied, “But what about your sin?”

He paused, then said, “Oh. I see what you mean.”

I don’t know if he ever abandoned his commitment to his mental belief and moved to the next level of faith — personal belief. Had he done that, he would have realized that this truth about Jesus is deeply personal. He would have made a moral commitment that refuses to compromise with any other ideas. 

When I believed that Jesus died for my sin, I experienced a life change. Jesus offered me Himself and in that, I was reborn, entering a personal relationship with Him. This is a huge leap involving confession of sin and repentance, but making the leap cannot happen without the power of the Holy Spirit. 

The third level is about particular belief. This goes from acknowledging and receiving Jesus as Savior and submitting to His Lordship. After I was reborn, I soon realized that most of what I did was at my own direction. God called me to trust Him by doing what He says — all the time. This is the most difficult level of faith, and again, leaping there requires the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. 

But this is the level God wants me to live on. I see it in the account of Lazarus. After his death, Jesus came to his sister Martha and talked to her about her level of faith. He asked her a question…

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25–26)

Martha believed in the power of Jesus Christ. She told Him if He had been there, He could have healed her brother. She also believed that Jesus had a peculiar intimacy with God and that whatever He asked of God, God would do. Yet she needed a closer personal intimacy with Jesus, trusting Him even to raise the dead. 

These levels of faith apply to all issues of life. For example, I’m praying for the salvation of family members. Some of them are not even at the first level. They think Jesus is a swear word and that He never existed. Some grant that He was a historical figure, but that is all. They reject Him without even knowing very much about what they are rejecting.

I believe that He died for them. I believe He has the power to save them. I believe that He could say the word and the Father would release the power of the Holy Spirit and change their lives. But… 

But when I see no progression, when I see nothing happening, then my faith falters. Whether it is this issue or any of other doubts and worries, Jesus says to me, “You know what I can do. You know my power to answer prayer. Do you really believe in me? Or is your confidence in what you can see?”

Walking by faith is part of that third level. I know what God can do, but can I live fully committed to trusting in His Lordship and in the decisions that He makes? Without ever seeing what He is doing? 

The last lines of today’s devotional reading are about this leap from personal faith (I know it is true) to particular faith (I KNOW it is true)…

When I stand face to face with Jesus Christ and He says to me—“Believest thou this?” I (will) find that faith is as natural as breathing, and I will be staggered that I was so stupid as not to trust Him before.