Love is not about my happiness

A childhood friend often said about marriage, “Get him young and train him right.” Both of us later married and soon found out that does not work very well! Today’s devotional explains why. It says:

Many lives are marred and made miserable by the selfishness of (someone ) who, under the plea of exceeding love, will not allow the least liberty of action in the loved one and will do everything possible to hinder development in every area that does not add to their own personal pleasure or is not agreeable to them. Surely such a course, however it may be disguised, can spring from nothing but selfishness.

God’s love is described as giving rather than taking. It wants the best for others and does not do good to anyone for personal gain. This love is both convicting and yet sets me free. If I’m living and abiding in God’s love, selfishness is a non-issue. I must confess, this does not always happen. God reminds me again that His love needs to reign in my life.

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. (1 John 4:9–12)

His love motivated the Father to give up His son that our sin could be forgiven and so He could live in us and even perfect that same love in us. This happens because…

Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:15–19)

First, faith in Christ removes my fear of being punished for sin. Yet not only that, faith in Christ gives me confidence that I am loved by God and therefore have no need to use or manipulate anyone to somehow gain their acceptance. That firm, eternal, and unconditional love of God sets the human heart free to love others. His love is not selfish, and it is inexhaustible. With it, I cannot treat others unselfishly to the point where my ‘love bin’ is empty without any more to give!

The ‘how’ of it is to drop all efforts to manipulate others to be what I want to make me happy. Instead, I must want God’s best for them just as God’s love wants the best for me. Jesus sets the pattern:

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. (John 13:34)

The NT explains how my efforts to care about others fall short without Christ, but as He said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15) and “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.” (John 15:10) Love is not having my way with people. Love is doing what God tells me to do.

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. (Romans 13:8–10)

This is not about trying to earn salvation by law-keeping. It is about living out my salvation by sharing what God has given me — His perfect, unselfish, unconditional love.

PRAY: Jesus, so often I measure my actions by what others will do for me rather than by how I share Your love with them. Years of practicing selfishness is a challenging hard habit to overcome. Great grace and Your incredible patience are needed.