Feeling Blank . . .

 

READ Psalm 120–124

The past few weeks have been filled with problems, too many to list and besides, who wants to review all my problems? I am content to review the solutions because, “In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.” (Psalm 120:1)

One night, one of those problems had me awake for a long time. It was foolish to mull it over because I had no idea what caused it. It involved another person and I was not informed enough to know what was wrong or what I was up against. I asked a few people and their response was basically, “Get used to it. This is the way it has been and it will not change.”

So in my distress, I called to the Lord. The psalmist verifies that is the solution, not only for the unsolvable problems but even those for which I can think of possible solutions. In my distress:

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (121:1–2)

So I prayed something like this: “God, fix this. I don’t know what caused the problem and have no idea what I could do about it. Only You are aware and only You know what to do.”

The next day, the issue was resolved. My advisors were startled. I was overjoyed. I have no idea what God did in the life of the person that was part of the problem, but that person’s attitude changed and suddenly the issue did not exist. It was amazing.

Another verse from this reading has amazed and comforted me many times. It says:

To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us. (123:1–2)

When I first read it, I imagined a servant coming to her Master with an empty tray. In order to feed the people around her, she needs something in the tray but only the Master can fill it — with the right things in the right amounts. She has no resources yet He mercifully does what is needed so she can fulfill her tasks.

I often feel like a person with an empty platter. I grew up in a loving home but my parents had been told that my childhood illness was fatal and I would die in my mid-teens. They did not raise me to live. My grandmother taught me some basics, but my parents protected and cared for me without preparing me for life. I didn’t realize this had ramifications; when older, I felt blank in so many ways. As a Christian, reading about a servant and thinking of an empty platter, I felt like God knew my innermost self-view, but not only that, He told me the solution: look to Him and He would fill in the blanks. I’ve been a slow learner at times, but know the power of God to come to my side when I’ve no clue what to do or how to do it.

Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (124:8)

Jesus, without You, these feelings of inadequacy would be overwhelming. Where would I go? Who would even listen to me? At my age and with my education, no one would think that this is even a problem. Yet it is, and at the same time a blessing. Feeling empty and without resources has given me the wonderful joy of knowing Your supply, of knowing that You hear and answer prayer, often in mysterious and amazing ways. I’m glad to be a servant and even more joyful to know that You are my Lord. You fill my platter, take care of all my needs and fill my heart with joy as I serve and worship You.