What about regrets?

Numbers 33; Psalm 78:1–39; Isaiah 25; 1 John 3

God’s grace enables me to do His will, but sometimes I forget that basic truth and start feeling guilty about all the stuff that fits into that “should have, could have” list as if obedience depended total on me. He reminds me again that idea is false.

In the former covenant, God used His Law to show His people their need of a Savior. Even though the NT covenant is about that salvation by grace, there are patterns in the OT that recur in the lives of Christians. For instance, before the Israelites entered the Promised Land, they were told this:

But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you, then those of them whom you let remain shall be as barbs in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they shall trouble you in the land where you dwell. And I will do to you as I thought to do to them.” (Numbers 33:55–56)

The pattern of God is that He gives new life to those who believe and then proceeds to rid us of our old ways. Like the Israelites, we are to reject, resist, and rid ourselves of all that defiles. If this is not done, then those sinful habits will be a snare to living for Christ. 

This battle to do well takes focus off the One who fights for me and reveals that I’ve lessons to learn. The most important lesson is to understand and practice is that I cannot be a godly person apart from total reliance on my Savior. And I’m a slow and stubborn learner.

This, coupled with being saved as an adult, means that most of what I learned was not made available to my children when they were small. They grew faster than I did; my ignorance and stubborn ways lasted too long.

Under the OT covenant, these verses always send me on a “should have, could have” guilt trip:

He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers (and mothers) to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God. (Psalm 78:5–8)

This and other laws reveal human inadequacy and the reason He sent Jesus. Isaiah rebukes his readers for their rebellion and stubborn ways, but he also points to the One who would change our lives:

He (the Messiah) will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken. It will be said on that day, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.” (Isaiah 25:8–9)

I can suffer overwhelming regret that my children did not learn much from me to pass on to their children so that all would put their hope in God and not be like me. However, God is sovereign and His power to save is unlimited. All that His people in the OT were unable to do, He did for them. He rescued them repeatedly, making and keeping promises, being faithful to fulfill His will for their lives. This encourages me. The NT backs up the greatness of His faithfulness. He hears and answers prayer for my family.

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us. (1 John 3:18–24)

Abiding in Christ is the new covenant. I cannot do anything apart from Him — sadly learned by experience — but He says that by believing in Him and loving others, whatever I ask from Him I will receive.

APPLY: Trust and obey. Do what I know. Listen for guidance concerning what I don’t know. Rely on Jesus for everything because He is the Savior — and I am not. He also loves my family and cares more for their eternal destiny than I do!

God’s Word on despair

If I had to choose the three saddest words, it would be a toss-up between “I should have . . .” and “It’s too late.” Failures produce regrets and dwelling on regrets is far too easy.

Just before the crucifixion, Jesus asked the disciples to watch and pray with Him. But they fell asleep. In the moment, and certainly later, they must have experienced incredible despair. They failed Him at the time of His greatest stress.  

Chambers points out that this is a very ordinary human experience; not doing what we had opportunity to do. Sometimes I feel like my whole life is made up of missed opportunities. I should have said this. I should have done that. Certainly I cannot go back and change my responses, no matter how much I would like to. However, what Jesus said to His disciples gives me a strong word of encouragement.

Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.” (Matthew 26:45–46)

In other words, ‘sleep on now . . . that opportunity is lost forever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the next thing.’ Let the past go. Share it with Jesus and then go into the future with Him. He did not berate His disciples for their failure. Instead, He took them forward.

Right now I cannot think of one specific example from my life, maybe because there are so many. I feel an ache in my heart from the memories of all of them. Like Chambers says, this is an ache that comes from actual events and I cannot lift myself out of it.

The disciples must have felt that their failure was unforgivable. Going to sleep instead of praying with Him? How terrible, yet He said—‘Arise and do the next thing.’

This reminds me of Elizabeth Elliot. She was asked how she managed her busy schedule. She said, “I always do the next thing and as a Christian, I always know what it is.”

Sometimes God is silent on that next thing. In that case, we wait for direction but even waiting on Him is a ‘next thing’ and such waiting is just as important as doing something.

Jesus wants His people to know that the horrid sense of failure after missing an opportunity is not supposed to ruin our lives. Chambers says not to let the sense of failure corrupt my next action. God’s Word says:

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13–14)

This is another reason, among many, why I love Him so much.

To Live is Christ — in assurance of the Father’s power

If I were selecting the verses for daily devotional readings, I would likely not pick the passage featured today. It fills me with regrets.

Listen, Israel! The Lord our God is the only true God! So love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength. Memorize his laws and tell them to your children over and over again. Talk about them all the time, whether you’re at home or walking along the road or going to bed at night, or getting up in the morning. Write down copies and tie them to your wrists and foreheads to help you obey them. Write these laws on the door frames of your homes and on your town gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4–9, CEV)

I became a Christian as an adult when my children were preschoolers. I didn’t know anything about Christian living or how to raise my children according to the will of God. I came into the kingdom of God with a great deal of pride and arrogance. I thought I knew what to do, but whatever that was, it did not include teaching them what the Bible says.

The New Testament commands for family life are a bit different than those from the Old Testament law from Deuteronomy. The part about children says this,

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)

I didn’t have a clue what kinds of behavior would exasperate my kids. I also had no idea what it meant to bring them up in the discipline and training of the Lord. In those early days, I struggled a great deal with leaving my past behind and moving forward into a new life. His discipline and training of my own life seemed more than enough challenge.

It is said that hindsight is 20/20. I agree. Now, after my children are grown and my grandchildren are having babies, my heart has many “I should haves” when I read verses like these. I also struggle with trying to balance my failures and responsibilities with the fact that God is the major player in bringing anyone, children or adults, into a saving faith and the joy of walking with Him.

Some parents do all the right things and their children walk away from God. My parents taught me very little about the Bible, yet God saved me. Adam and Eve were under the care of a perfect Father, yet they fell into sin. There seems no magic formula for parents. All I know is that I am responsible for loving and obeying God, and leaving the results with Him. I often get this backwards and blame myself for any negative results in the lives of others. Instead God wants me to take responsibility for my own obedience and disobedience and not beat myself up concerning the choices of other people.

One reality gives me comfort. When my children were little, I never scolded them for ignorance or blamed them for what they did not know. Also, if they did know what to do and refused to do it, the issue became their rebellion — for which I did hold them accountable.

Does God think of His children the same way? Does He make a distinction between ignorance and disobedience? This seems simple on paper, but easily clouded by the emotions of regret and those ‘I wish I had . . .’ thoughts. We do not live in a perfect world with perfect answers to every question.

Nevertheless, this morning I’m thinking also of a greater reality that gives me greater comfort. The Bible says that God “is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that I can ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20). I know that is true regarding the spiritual needs of my children who are now adults. I still need to do all that He asks me, but at the same time must remember and rely on the fact that nothing is too hard for God.