By Great Endurance

This morning my alarm woke us up and my first thought was, “I don’t want to do today.” Yesterday was long and the weekend filled with sorrowful realities that seem worse than the death of our brother-in-law. He is with Jesus, a joyful thing. That sorrow-stuff is not, and weeping brings no release. Plans and efforts cannot change any of it. It simply must be waded through.

Chambers’ Scripture for today (italicized) is pulled out of this passage. Again, God gives me His Word that speaks to my very deep emotions . . .

We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; (2 Corinthians 6:3–9)

I must quote what Chambers says, for it has my name on it: “It takes Almighty grace to take the next step when there is no vision and no spectator—the next step in devotion, the next step in your study, in your reading, in your kitchen; the next step in your duty, when there is no vision from God, no enthusiasm and no spectator. It takes far more of the grace of God, far more conscious drawing upon God to take that step, than it does to preach the Gospel.”

He goes on to connect this to Jesus: “Every Christian has to partake of what was the essence of the Incarnation; (she) must bring the thing down into flesh-and-blood actualities and work it out through the finger-tips. We flag when there is no vision, no uplift, but just the common round, the trivial task. The thing that tells in the long run for God and for men is the steady persevering work in the unseen, and the only way to keep the life uncrushed is to live looking to God.”

I know that keeping my eyes on Jesus Christ is the way to keep one foot ahead of the other, even when I feel like there is a steep climb ahead. It isn’t the drudgery of the next task or the trivial that burdens me but the days and perhaps years ahead of watching and trying to help in a situation that is not only gut-retching but irreversible.

This is not the first time for me, and for many it is far too common. We have to watch a decline and final chapters of a loved one’s life. Perhaps exhaustion makes it worse. Certainly being there and seeing the large neon signs brought it into focus. Now I just feel helpless, in a calamity, something like watching another person being beaten up or run over, feeling horrid yet knowing the other person is in far greater need than those who helplessly watch.

But as I read the Word of God, I’m thankful too. He gives deep sleep, understanding, patience, love, truth. I desire His patient kindness. It is possible to be filled with His Spirit and power and enable to meet with grace the challenges of my responsibilities for the days and years ahead. As Chambers says, the only way to keep life uncrushed is to live it with my eyes focused on God.

Looking Up

After doing a Bible search for the phrase “looked up” it seems that people didn’t do that very often, or at least they were looking down more than they were looking up. 

I can relate. When I go for a walk, I tend to look at the sidewalk more than the scenery. It could be related to fear of tripping or stepping on something, but metaphorically, it seems a symptom of a pessimistic nature.

Jesus was not like that. He may have been busy with whatever was in front of Him, but He also looked up, indicating His continual communication with God the Father.

And taking the five loaves and the two fish he looked up to heaven and said a blessing and broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples to set before the people. And he divided the two fish among them all. (Mark 6:41)

Logically, anyone who is about to feed five thousand men plus women and children is going to look up. Where else do resources come from to do a miracle? He did the same thing before opening the eyes of a blind man.

And looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, “Ephphatha,” that is, “Be opened.” (Mark 7:34)

Jesus’ most astonishing miracle was raising Lazarus from the tomb after the man had been dead for several days.

So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” (John 11:41–42)

On this occasion, Jesus looked up to show those around Him that He was relying on the power that God gave Him and all He had to do was ask for it. He sets an example for me, but is it that easy? 

Most Christians know that we can look up, pray looking up, do ministry looking up, yet sometimes our problems do not work out the way we hoped. At times heaven seems closed to our eyes and our pleas, as if God the Father is ignoring His children. Does that mean we stop looking up? The psalmist thought not. He knew that there is only one source of help that makes sense and can do whatever we ask. He looked up.

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1–2)

What I need to remember is that I cannot dictate to God the help that He gives. That is, God decides and determines how to answer my prayers. I may need to develop perseverance, thus spend days, even years, looking up. Yet when in dire straits, He also can give me a vision of Himself to sustain me, such as what happened to Stephen when he was about to die for his faith.

But he, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. (Acts 7:55)

Looking up, this man saw what he needed. His story reminds me of the beatitude that says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). If I can do anything that makes looking up a purely glorious experience, it is to keep my heart pure, which is both easy and complicated.

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Lord, lately it seems that seeing You has been difficult because there is too many other things in my line of sight. Help my eyes and my heart get beyond my tendency to look down at life’s troubles. Please grant me the grace needed to look heavenward, focusing on You — the only source of the help that supplies whatever I need. 

Looking for love?

Little boys, and big boys too, show off for it. Little girls flirt and hurt and manipulate for it. Children pester for it. Adults crave it. The things we do for love.

How many of my words and actions have been motivated by either a desire for love or to test and see if someone loved me? I’m not sure that I want to know. Even though I have always been certain of my parent’s love, a blessing many others go without, much of my life has been occupied with the pursuit of love. That is, until Jesus Christ.

Yet even knowing His love has had its ups and downs. How often has the enemy successfully convinced me that God does not love me? How often have I wandered in confusion thinking He was not acting in my best interests? Sadly, too often. This should never happen because Jesus said,

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. (John 15:9–11)

The first question then is, “How has the Father loved Jesus?” Before saying a quick, “Forever, of course” I have to consider the Cross. Does a loving father send His Son to death? God did. Then I note that Jesus Himself was certain of His Father’s love both before and after that event. That means that love can include awful circumstances and situations. When I suffer, that is no sign that God has stopped loving me. In fact, He says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3).

I’m supposed to live in that everlasting love, not run around seeking love in all sorts of other places. I might doubt it when times are tough; Jesus thought God had forsaken Him when He was on the Cross, but the love of God is forever and it is enough. He will take care of everything else that I need — and He does — because He loves me.

Living in that love is not a head game though. Going through life chanting “He loves me” isn’t the way to maintain my assurance. This is about obedience, but not to say that God stops loving me when I go against His will. Not at all. However, my sense of being loved stops then. When I sin, I become anxious, unsure. How can God love me when I did that?

Part of this thinking is because all sinners think that our sense of being loved comes from working hard to earn it. For me, every time I sin, my fleshy thinking kicks in. Instead of having the fullness of the Holy Spirit and assurance from God, I become full of me, myself and I. In that tipped-over state, I think I need to earn the love of God. However, abiding in His love is about staying right-side-up, about obedience. Abiding in this way is the only way that I will focus on who God is — instead of what I want. Abiding in Him is the only way to be filled with assurance of His care. As Jesus said, it is also the only way to have fullness of joy.

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Lord, each day brings choices large and small. In those choices I am challenged to seek Your face and look for the options that bring You glory. I’m not to worry about my own needs, for You love me and promise to take care of me. Give me grace to remember this, to be motivated by this. When I abide in Your love, life is a grand adventure. When I don’t, I’m like a hunter in a dark jungle — looking for that assurance that continually eludes my aim. Only in You can I find what I’m looking for, and the best part is that abiding in You means that I no longer need to search for it.

(Photo credit)

On medication

This morning, I felt critical of someone whose conversation is entirely wrapped around themselves. In my not so humble opinion, they needed to quit complaining and take a good look at Jesus Christ. Who can think of “me, me, me” with such a wonder to consider as the God who became man!

This afternoon, I felt weak and dizzy, not wanting to finish my chores. My thoughts became entirely wrapped around my needs and me. Was God laughing? Maybe, because He quickly reminded me that I need to take a big dose of my own medicine. Tonight’s devotional reading says, 

And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. (Luke 2:18–20)

Once more I am rebuked. Spurgeon writes decades ago, yet his words cut to the heart. Instead of pointing fingers and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I also need a deeper look at Jesus Christ.

Selfish thinking puts a damper on the marvels of God, yet when He fills my mind, I cannot make a distinction between “holy wonder and real worship.” When my thoughts are overwhelmed with His majesty, I may not express this in song, or even prayer, yet this is silent and absolute adoration.

How wonderful that God should consider me, a fallen creature. He could have swept me away in judgment. Instead, He took it upon Himself to be my Redeemer and to pay my ransom price. Because of Jesus, I am set free from the penalty and bondage of sin.

This is a miracle of grace. Jesus left His throne and royalty above and suffered here on earth for me. This fills my heart with head-shaking wonder. And as Spurgeon says, wonder is a practical emotion.

Wonder leads me to gratitude and worship. It produces in me a diligent desire to never sin against this One who loves me so much. It makes me feel as if I am standing on Holy ground. It gives me great hope. It takes my mind off me.

Because Jesus has done so much for me already, I know that heaven and eternity with Him is a future reality. He died for me. He lives forever to intercede for me. One day I will see Him and be like Him, for this is His promise to me. Jesus did this. He is amazing.

Spurgeon asks, “Who can be astonished at anything, when he has once been astonished at the manger and the cross? What is there wonderful left after one has seen the Savior?”

He is so right. I cannot be perfect, but I can look at Jesus. Seeing Him and loving Him takes my mind off the “light momentary affliction” of this day. He gives me a glimpse of the eternal. I imagine His face with a broad smile. He even laughs — because this prescription that I thought was my idea is actually just what He, the Great Physician ordered.

Lifting my eyes

November 14, 2008 in Seoul, South Korea
(November 13 at home)

Yesterday was our first full day in this place we have never been before. We had breakfast with our granddaughter, then she went to work and we walked to a very large trade center, the Kintex. The current event was tourism in South Korea and we learned much about this culture and that of many other countries represented here.

After a short rest and a wrestling match to get this computer working, we met with our granddaughter and took a short taxi ride to an outdoor mall. We had a game of Clue in a “Games Café” then supper in a Korean restaurant. The food is a challenge for us, me always trying for balance and my husband on a heart-smart diet. However, we are managing. At least we know what we are eating. However, I now understand why people from this part of the world often do some sort of exercise as soon as they get up in the morning. The beds are very hard, like sleeping on the floor. We are sleeping well, but everything is sore when we wake up. My variation of Tai Chi may look funny, but it and a hot bath do the trick.

We are amazing at two things. One is that after being in South Korea for three months, our granddaughter (who came here to teach English) freely communicates with taxi drivers and restaurant personnel in Korean. I’m amazed at her ability to learn so much of the language so quickly.

One other astonishment is the joy in this place. We have not seen or heard a quarrel or noticed anyone upset or crying. The Korean people are smiling if they are not laughing and are openly affectionate toward their friends.

My Scripture reading this morning is Psalm 123. It says: “Unto You I lift up my eyes, O You who dwell in the heavens. Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their masters, as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, until He has mercy on us. Have mercy on us, O LORD, have mercy on us, for we are exceedingly filled with contempt. Our soul is exceedingly filled with the scorn of those who are at ease, with the contempt of the proud.”

Today, I cannot relate to the reason for this plea to the Lord to be relieved from the contempt of those who do not believe in Him. South Korea is a strong Christian country and the evidence is everywhere. Many churches are marked by a neon cross high on their rooftops, but more than mere symbols, we are aware of the fruit of the Holy Spirit (love, joy, peace. . .) in the hearts and attitudes of the people, a far cry from contempt.

For example, when we arrived, we took a shuttle bus from the airport to the northeast of Seoul where our granddaughter lives. This trip took nearly an hour. When we arrived at the bus stop in this huge suburb, we felt a bit abandoned. We knew that she lived nearby and our hotel was not far away, but had no idea which direction to go or if anyone could speak English, never mind know and share the location of either.

A young woman from the same shuttle bus ride approached us. With perfect English, she said, “My mother is here to pick me up. We will take you to your hotel.”

We got in her car. Hanging from the rearview mirror was a cross with the name Jesus on it. We didn’t say anything at first, and then my husband mentioned that we like the name on the cross. She asked, “Do you believe?” and after we answered her, she smiled broadly and told her mother that we were Christians too. We are certain that God sent an “angel” to welcome us to this enormous city.

As I reread Psalm 123, the first verse captures the way that I feel, even though we are not experiencing a shred of contempt. I am lifting up my eyes to God who dwells in heaven. He has shown us mercy and is merciful to our unbelieving granddaughter. He has saved millions of people in this Asian land for Himself and to bring glory to His name. Even though He lives in heaven, He is not confined to that place – we are enjoying His presence here in this place also.

Where I am today on this mountain

Last night I called home to tell my husband I would leave here today around noon. Classes end at 4:30 but I’ve done as much as I can without being able to dig into my own fabric stash. Besides, today’s temperature is supposed to go up to a mere -15 C. At home on Monday, with the wind chill factored in, it was -55 C. We have not had such severe weather for many years, and with a slight break, clearer skies, and the roads clear of snow, I am taking advantage before the temperature drops again.

My quilt design is done and ready for fabric. I will be a fairly literal mountain. Since this is an art quilt conference, we were instructed to begin with a concept, then depict that concept in whatever way works. The class I am in is privileged to have an instructor that is not concerned that all the quilts look like hers or that we use the same style of construction. She understood my concept (she was raised in the church but admits she has “lapsed”) and suggested a construction method that not only suits the work but also my personality and way of doing things.

My concept is about looking up to God, that He is there for me. No matter what obstacles lie in my path, I can reach out and find Him. I might be lifted over or above those obstacles, or He may require that I go through them or climb them or somehow experience them. Whatever happens, He is still there and I can look up to Him.

My devotional reading today asks the question, “Is God over-advertised?” Everything else is; is it the same with God? Has He used gimmicks like waffle words and celebrity endorsements to make Him look better than what He has to give? Of course we would say not, but the reading suggests that many of His people seem to live this way. They have not realized or experienced all that the Bible says is ours as God’s people.

Along with the devotional, I also ask why is this so? I’ve noticed it with the few Christians I’ve met here at the conference. It seems as if they do not have His joy, or they are angry with people and not living out the forgiveness He gives to those who ask for it. Some of them seem to worry about many things or complain about their lot in life.

Before I fall into the sin of comparing, I also have known times of sorrow, struggle, and being angry and upset with people or events. I know that these things are not the fault of God, and part of the problem is that I am still (and always) learning that He is enough.

The verse quoted today is 1 Corinthians 2:9 that says, “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

Is that lack of vision because we fail to look up to God? We don’t see the things He gives us because we are too busy fighting life’s circumstances, or worse yet, wallowing in self-pity? My devotional book hints at that, but that isn’t the reason God gives. Verse 10 says, “But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit.”

The things of God, the reality of His care, the notion that God is enough are things we ‘know’ (but they seem to take lifetimes to really ‘know’) are all revelations from God. If a Christian is walking in a fog, it could be that is just where they need to be. Only God understands what is going on in each heart. Only God understands how some of His children might profit from a struggle before He brings them up and over those big boulder in their lives into a greater understanding of Himself.

Today I rejoice that He has helped me look up, and not only that, that He lets me see His care for me, and His supply, and all that He is and does is enough for me. Here in the Rocky Mountains I feel as if I am standing on that mountain in my quilt design, not stumbling over a boulder somewhere down in the foothills. However, I dare not let my heart be lifted up by a sense of personal achievement. Here, or wherever I might be standing, is entirely the Lord’s doing. He knows what is best for me. Tomorrow is another day and who knows what challenges it will bring. Today, I am joyful and content, again because right now I know that God is enough.