Dealing with conflict

Our church, only 16 years old, held its first evening congregational meeting last night rather than the usual Sunday after church meetings. We have four pastors who preach in rotation between us and another church we started two years ago. One of the pastors is leaving his senior position here to take a leading role in our daughter church so we needed to have an official vote to put one of the other pastors in his place.

It was a congenial meeting with lots of laughter and as many predicted, a unanimous outcome. One hundred percent of the voters said YES to this transition. There will be small changes, but rotation will continue. Everyone is okay with that.

I have been in churches that did not have that kind of unity. In one of the discourses recorded in the New Testament book of Matthew, Jesus gives instruction on what to do when conflict happens. While He is speaking of individuals, the principles apply, mostly because church spats start with individuals.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15–17)

Most conflicts can be resolved by following this process, but the problems usually begin with the first step. When someone sins against us, our human (and sinful) response is to go tell someone else what happened. We look for a sympathetic ear, a person who will justify our pain and take our side. Instead of gaining back that other person as a brother or sister in the Lord, now two people are upset. From that point, it escalates.

This is serious for several reasons. I know one family that has never seen their two grandchildren. I‘ve no idea how the rift began or who sinned against who, but all these folks are in the family of God besides being an earthly family. The idea of letting something do this to their relationship is heart-breaking.

Another reason is that in-fighting gives the world a reason to judge us as not being Christians at all. Jesus said:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34–35)

Choosing to be hurt, angry or bitter instead of reconciling and caring for someone who sinned, regardless of who was sinned against, gives the world a message. Instead of affirming that we belong to Jesus, they assume we are hypocrites or worse.

Another reason for following Jesus’ directions on how to heal this problem is that it will make a difference in our relationship with God. In just a few verses, Jesus says this:

“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:19–20)

Harmony means power in prayer. I see that in our church. Instead of being busy dealing with spats and selfishness, the Lord is actively hearing and answering our requests.

The directions Jesus gives are always sound and practical. Most of the time they are difficult, but the difficulty level is more to do with my pride level than anything else. If I want to be right, want to lord it over others, want to appear needy or whatever else I might think will profit me, then that attitude makes reconciliation a tough assignment, no matter what the other person may have done.

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Jesus, You just make sense. At times someone comes to me with something like, “You won’t believe what she did to me” and when I stop them with, “You need to talk to her, not me” they are totally dismayed. Reconciliation is a challenge, yet You set the example. When I sin against You, You never yap to others about it. instead, You come to me and tell me what I did so I can confess and repent, putting our relationship back on track. What a wise and wonderful God You are!

God’s acceptance is not about performance

After I became a Christian, the local church I attended knew of my past. I’d been divorced. In their eyes, this was like a virus and most of them thought I should be disqualified from doing anything in the church, even that I should not be baptized.

Sometime later, my hubby and I attended a teachers’ banquet at the invitation of his cousin. Everyone talked to me like I was an equal. I’d only taught Sunday school and Bible studies, but I knew the joys and challenges of their craft. Conversation came easy. Then one of them asked me where I obtained my degree. At that time, I didn’t have a degree and the strangest thing happened; as soon as I told them, everyone stopped talking to me.

Both incidents describe the human condition. We have criteria or value systems to define others. If they don’t fit, they are disqualified. However, this is a hurtful bias. It should never happen in the church. Our acceptance of people should be like that of Jesus Christ.

The Apostle Paul expressed this attitude when he wrote to Christians about their practice of relying on outsiders to settle their disputes. He reminded them . . .

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9–11)

We are all in the same boat. We have all sinned, regardless of our employment, history, or present circumstances. Even though faith changes our lives, Christians must never forget that our justification is not about those changes; it is because of what Jesus has done for us by the power of the Holy Spirit. As I often say to people, my acceptance of others is not based on their performance. If it becomes that, then I’ve forgotten who I am. I’ve also forgotten the foundation of my acceptance with God. It is about His grace, not my performance.

Tozer exalts the church today because it is the only institution that can claim a heavenly origin. Without the work of the Lord in our lives, we would not exist. However, those outside the church have their criteria or value systems and will point to the flaws. Because of our sinfulness, the church and individual believers battle and to the world, that appears to be a failure.

However, outsiders also realize that our faith has imitators, false teachers, and includes people who make a profession of faith but do not live it. Because of this, they wonder who or what is the true church. Christians might also wonder.

Some of the criticism and rejection people have toward the Christian church is valid. We do not measure up, yet our relationship with Christ is not based on our performance. If it were, no one could be saved. Instead, it is about faith, and faith expressed in various ways. One of them is our agreement in prayer . . .

Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:19–20)

Despite the claim of some, large groups are not the criteria. As Tozer says, “The Church is found wherever the Holy Spirit has drawn together a few persons who trust Christ for their salvation, worship God in spirit and have no dealings with the world and the flesh.”

The Church is not like other organizations that depend on structure, goals, and people-power. The church as defined above is people gathered to pray and worship in total dependency upon the Lord. We know that we would not exist apart from His grace, and we know we cannot function without His power. Because of that, there ought never be any rejections for any people based on any human value system.

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Jesus, faith in You levels the field. The Bible speaks of not knowing people according to the flesh. You do not evaluate people based on their education, background, or behavior. Anyone who belongs to You is in Your Church and highly valued. May I have Your attitude, not forgetting Your criteria, not putting people into human or temporary categories, but considering each one part of Your Body and beloved by You, our loving Savior.

God is with us

Yesterday my husband read a selection from a book by Max Lucado that I discovered on a blog. As he read, a stillness filled the room and the presence of Jesus became obvious. We experienced a surprising moment of awe and worship.

Today I’m reading verses where God promised to be with His people. Most of these are the words of Jesus, but they begin with the promise of His coming and the amazing idea God becoming man and entering our world.

Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel (which means, God with us). (Matthew 1:23)

We have been singing the carols and enjoying that sense of Him being with us. For many, this “magic” is gone by now for thoughts go back to their normal busy lives, focused on other things. But Jesus He has not gone. His presence with His people is as real every day as it is on Christmas day. He said it would be so, emphasizing various contexts.

IN PRAYER: Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them. (Matthew 18:19–20)

IN OUTREACH: And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:18–20)

IN MINISTRY: If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. (John 12:26)

IN THREATENING SITUATIONS: And the Lord said to Paul one night in a vision, “Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you, for I have many in this city who are my people.” (Acts 18:9–10)

IN ETERNITY: And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. (John 14:3)

Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world. (John 17:24)

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Emmanuel, how wonderful! You are with me all the time. All I need to do is remember Your words; You promised to be with me and I believe You. When I think about this, it becomes a reality, an experienced sensation like the solemn stillness of a holy place, or the joy of a thousand voices singing Your praises.

On those few occasions when, no matter what I thought or tried, that sense of Your presence didn’t happen (very few times), even then I knew. Because You said You would be with me, I knew You were, even when I could not “feel” it. Thank You for such incredible assurance. Thank You that Your Word and promises are true and that You allow Your people the reality of You, God with us, every day and in all that we do.