His school of higher learning…

A childhood illness kept me out of public school and away from other children for most of grades one to seven. Later, I realized how much I did not learn from being with my peers, particularly the people skills that are learned by experience. I didn’t know what to say or do in many normal situations. I felt the awkwardness of having a blank mind or no opinion rather than knowing what my peers learned from growing up in a social setting. 

When I became a Christian in my late twenties, this lack became an acute reality. However, it was not totally negative. Instead, God used it to His advantage. I did not have many worldly ideas to unlearn. I also felt like a servant coming to Him eager to learn how to live.

Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us. (Psalm 123:2)

Many other verses became a comfort to me and an encouragement when I felt stupid or not like other people, verses like these:

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. (Psalm 25:4)
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. (Psalm 32:8)
I am your servant; give me understanding, that I may know your testimonies! (Psalm 119:125)
So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:12)
Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law! (Psalm 119:29)

The image of having an empty platter for Him to fill became particularly strong. Many times I’ve felt like that, particularly after seeing other Christians who seemed to know very easily what to do and say, even in awkward situations. 

Struggling to be more like that, I realized two things: one is that this is not about learning it in school but about relying on the Holy Spirit. And secondly, even when feeling blank about many things, I have a great deal of pride and can be stubborn about having ‘my way’ instead of obeying God. Doing and saying the ‘right’ thing involves being humble and lowly, teachable and willing to listen to and obey the Spirit. This is not learned in grade school either.

My part involves spiritual disciplines such as Bible reading, study, and prayer, being alone with God, asking for His wisdom and trusting what He says. It helps to pray His Word, and learn of Him. Obedience is an intentional choice, but it can be stalled by unforgiveness, failure to confess my sins, and failure to be accountable to others. 

While I might have learned many things from my peers in class and on the playground, I would not have learned obedience from a changed heart. That involves lessons that come only from the Lord because He is the only one who can make the changes. This is certainly why this verse has always part of my learning experience:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

PRAY: Lord, would being in school as a child made learning about You easier? I don’t think so. It might have given me more worldly notions that require ‘mind renewal’ (Romans 12:2) and deepened my stubborn pride, but I can’t know that. I just know that You governed my life from birth to this day, and You know what still needs to be done to transform me into the image of Your Son (Romans 8:28-29). For all that You do as my Savior and Teacher, I am deeply thankful even though I realize how far I am from that goal.

My empty platter

When I was a child, I had an illness that was life-threatening. The doctors told my parents that I would die before my 16^th birthday. Because of that, I was sheltered and not given much instruction on how to live.

Years after proving the doctors wrong, I felt like I was missing out. I didn’t know how to deal with many issues of life and was unprepared for things that happened in school and after school. Constantly feeling like I was flying by the seat of my pants was at first ‘normal’ but after a while I realized that for me, this was a deeper issue than it was for my siblings and others. I continually felt as if I had nothing to offer.

During a class at Bible school, when I was already a grandmother, this verse made an impact on my life. I suddenly became aware that the way I felt was not as bad as it seemed. In fact, it was good preparation for a life of following Jesus Christ . . .

Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us. (Psalm 123:2)

As Chambers says, this verse is a description of entire reliance upon God. I’d felt like a servant with an empty platter, but realized all God wanted from me was to wait for Him to fill it, then deliver what He put on it to others. What a relief!

Of course that emptiness was partly due to being a spoiled child. My parents thought I would die young and over-compensated by indulgence. After I became a Christian at age 29, I thought God would do the same. Feeling empty was not a good motivation for telling God what to give me. I also needed to realize that God was always the One to decide what I should do. He knew what I needed to fill my sense of uselessness. I only thought I knew what I needed.

I learned the hard way that the human spirit has this “I will do it myself” attitude that God calls sin. Feeling empty didn’t fix that; it only made me try harder, at least for awhile. At the same time, God gave me a desire to serve Him and do it according to His way, not my way. These also have been difficult lessons.

In the final analysis, God says I must keep my eyes on Him — like the servant looks to his Master — and when He fills my empty platter, that is a mercy; I do not deserve nor can I earn even the least of His blessings.