Imparting grace

It takes very little to build up someone else. A few weeks ago I spotted someone sitting alone in a room full of people and went over for a chat. I asked her about her work and picked up on what she enjoyed about it. My husband says that person came alive with delight. How hard was that?

I’ve not done any surveys but would not be surprised if most people go days, even weeks, without hearing something that makes them feel good about themselves and their lives. In the past few months I’ve noticed that a kind word, or anything that says “I am thinking about you” brings a big smile to an otherwise gloomy face.

Today’s verse is the same one as yesterday, this time focusing on the last part. It says,

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. (Ephesians 4:29)

Grace is one of those words that most people understand its meaning, but are hard-pressed to write a definition. Some make an acrostic, “God’s riches at Christ’s expense,” or say that it means His goodness to us. I found a definition that sounds a bit technical for such a lovely word, but it enlightens me. Grace is God’s revelation of Christ to my heart, done in such a way that I am changed to be more like Him.

Whoa, does that add implications to Ephesians 4:29! God is saying that my mouth, my words, need to reveal Jesus, but not only reveal Him but do it in such a way that the person who hears is built up to become more like Him. This is a tall order.

The author of today’s reading says that when he was growing up, if he said to his mother something like, “Do you know what So-and-so did?” she would respond, “Is that necessary to know?”

That wise response highlights what part of this verse says about this way of speaking. If I am going to say gracious words, they will be words that are good for “necessary” edification. These words will fit the needs of that other person. Again, a tall order.

Being able to do this presupposes that I’m paying attention and actually recognize needs, even the deeper, unspoken needs. It also presupposes that I’m open and willing to meet those needs, particularly with what I say. This cannot be done unless my mouth is under the control of the Holy Spirit, because I haven’t a clue otherwise. Only God knows what is going on in the heart of someone else, and only God can give exactly the right words to built up that heart.

When my father died, people offered condolences that sometimes pinched rather than comforted. Most of the time, their words added to my grief. Then one morning at church, a young woman came running up to me in her typical zest for life and said, “I know that this is a sad occasion and I should be sad for you, but (and she literally bounced) I am so happy for your dad!”

Her words brought instant joy to my heart. What a perfect example of “necessary edification” and grace! My mind went from “poor me” to imagining my dad enjoying the delight of being with Jesus and living eternally with Him.

She cannot remember saying this to me. That is often true for someone who speaks Holy Spirit words. They come out spontaneously without planning or premeditation from a heart that is filled with Him.

From this and from His constant training in my life, I am learning that the secret of saying words that are necessary, edifying and impart grace to the hearers, is to simply focus on them in the conversation, and stay close to the Source in my heart.