Night turns into day, struggle to a glorious victory . . .

Genesis 41; Job 7; Mark 11; Romans 11

Yesterday was tough. I woke up with a scrambled mind and had trouble thinking straight all day. Truth be told, I felt a bit like Job when he first reacted to his situation. The Bible does say that this man never lost his integrity. He didn’t fake how he felt. None of this, “How are you?” “I am fine” stuff. He expressed how he felt . . .

My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle and come to their end without hope. Remember that my life is a breath; my eye will never again see good. The eye of him who sees me will behold me no more; while your eyes are on me, I shall be gone. As the cloud fades and vanishes, so he who goes down to Sheol does not come up; he returns no more to his house, nor does his place know him anymore. Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. Am I the sea, or a sea monster, that you set a guard over me? When I say, ‘My bed will comfort me, my couch will ease my complaint,’ then you scare me with dreams and terrify me with visions, so that I would choose strangling and death rather than my bones. I loathe my life; I would not live forever. Leave me alone, for my days are a breath. What is man, that you make so much of him, and that you set your heart on him, visit him every morning and test him every moment? How long will you not look away from me, nor leave me alone till I swallow my spit? If I sin, what do I do to you, you watcher of mankind? Why have you made me your mark? Why have I become a burden to you? Why do you not pardon my transgression and take away my iniquity? For now I shall lie in the earth; you will seek me, but I shall not be. (Job 7:6–21)

I did too, not nearly so extreme but I did want to “go home” — a euphemism for desiring heaven. Life ceased to be enjoyable and I felt that God was not listening.

This morning is different. Jesus reminds me that since my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, it is also a place of prayer:

And he was teaching them and saying to them, “Is it not written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations’? But you have made it a den of robbers.” (Mark 11:17)

I found time and space to pray, a bit during the night (long and sleep kept running away) as I struggled to breathe, but more this morning while hubby went down for the hotel breakfast. Jesus reminded me again that my prayers are important, particularly this day as people gather to this funeral celebration . . .

As they passed by in the morning, they saw the fig tree withered away to its roots. And Peter remembered and said to him, “Rabbi, look! The fig tree that you cursed has withered.” And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:20–25)

Faith is not about having clear sinuses, a good night’s sleep, a steady mind, or feeling top-notch. It is about knowing God can do anything, bringing the needs to Him, and leaving the ‘anything’ up to Him. It is not about moaning and groaning either, but even more important, it is not about pretending life is fine when it isn’t. The fine line is expressing myself with integrity without sliding into self-pity or any other sort of ‘look at me’ behavior.

I am glad for the goodness of God. He is merciful to me. “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?” Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” (Romans 11:30–36)

MUCH LATER

How can I express the wonder of how God answered all prayers for this day, for this memorial service. It was a glorious funeral. Jesus Christ was exalted. My sister’s life story pointed to the marvels of His grace. We laughed and cried, shared and rejoiced in His blessing on her life and on ours as we listened and sang. Her grandchildren expressed how glad they were that ‘Nana’ taught them about Jesus. The church was filled with family and friends. At least one person made a decision to trust Jesus for salvation. I’m without words and deeply grateful. It was just as she would have wanted.

More later perhaps, but right now I need some sleep!