Death to self = alive to God

Besides the Bible, there is one book that I’ve read many times. It is “Born Crucified” by L. E. Maxwell, founder of Prairie Bible Institute. This book is about dying to self, a topic seldom preached, and even less lived out.

I know the doctrine of personal revival and victorious living under the rule of the Holy Spirit. At times, God has blessed me with the experience of it. However, this has not been a constant. Like a young missionary once said, the trouble with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the altar.

Tozer uses terms like taking our cross (a cross is a place of dying), and ‘plodding on to the dark and bitter hill of self-renunciation.’ He says many are called to this, but few are chosen. I realize the truth — few are chosen because it is not in self-effort that a person can deny self. This is the work of God.

What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. (Romans 6:15–18)

These verses sound as if I can present myself as an obedient slave and therefore become free from sin and a slave to righteousness — in a one-time offering, a major decision that changes life’s direction. I’m not speaking for others here, but for myself, I am very aware of the living sacrifice that keep crawling off the altar. This is a decision that requires frequent renewal.

Tozer says, “The meaning of self-denial is not an infliction of personal torment nor penance, but it is simply the giving up of the very principle of living for ourselves. It is completely changing the direction of our being and will, so that no longer in any sense do we act with reference to how anything will affect us, but our one thought is how it will affect God or others.”

For years, I’ve tried to do that, but the principle of sin kept yanking me back from it. Only in the last couple of weeks have I had the sense that God is working this in my heart. I nearly died in the first weeks of January. This was a physical thing, but also spiritual. In those days, something happened to the way I think. It is hard to describe though. The best I can say is that I no longer have any ambitions or plans of my own. I’m thinking ‘whatever God wants’ about all that happens, and not thinking ahead on anything. My focus is on hearing God’s direction and doing whatever is the next thing, which He faithfully puts into mind so I will know what it is.

These days, presenting myself as a slave of righteousness seems easier. Waiting on the Lord seems easier. Dismissing any ‘I wants’ seems easier, even saying no to ‘have another cookie’ seems easier. What happened? I’m not sure, but also not stressed about it or about anything else. The King is on His throne. I just need to pay attention. If He is silent, then I wait without planning until He speaks.

^^^^^^^^^^^

Jesus, life has changed by this threat to life. I’ve not been able to accomplish this self-denial thing, but You know how to make it happen . . . and so You should. You are my Savior. I’ve never been able to save myself. Sin is powerful to drag me away, but You are more powerful and know how to keep me. The enemy has tried to stop me from praying, even from breathing, but You have him on a short leash. He can do only what You allow and for Your purposes. I rejoice in Your goodness and am thankful for Your wisdom. Bless Your holy name!