Much is said about unconditional love, but is it? Are there absolutely no conditions tied to God’s love for me? Or to the love that I am supposed to have for others?
I suppose the answer depends on some definitions. I watched two small children playing in a waiting room while their mother and father were in an inner office. Obviously the boy, about six, loved his sister, who could have been two but she was very tiny. He teased her and made her laugh, but he was not tormenting her or picking on her. Others in the waiting room smiled at their giggles and enjoyed their good relationship. When their parents came out, there was no sign that they worried about the behavior of their children when they were absent. Their eyes said I love you to those loving little children.
Contrast that with children who yell and demand in public places. I’ve seen frazzled mothers and fathers struggling with whining children who fight with their siblings and complain about everything. These children are out of control and the parents are upset, even angry.
Which children are loved the most? Do parents feel less love for a misbehaving child than if that same child is being ‘good’? As a parent, I would answer that question by saying my love for them is the same, regardless of what they do. Actually, it is because I love them that I get upset when they misbehave. If I didn’t care, what they do would not matter.
Love isn’t a mushy sentiment that says, “Oh, isn’t that sweet” whether a child is sleeping or running out into traffic. Love is wanting what is best for the child, caring that they learn to be kind and good, caring that they are patient and content. My love is distressed at sinful selfishness and responds differently to it than I do to goodness and obedience.
Philippians 1:9-10 is part of a prayer at the beginning of Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi. It says, “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ.”
Doing a little digging, I read that “knowledge is from a Greek word that describes genuine, full, or advanced knowledge. Biblical love is not an empty sentimentalism but is anchored deeply in the truth of Scripture and regulated by it.” Love knows what God wants and wants the same things for myself and for other people as He does. He wants me to be like Christ. His love works in my life to make it so.
A parent who loves their child certainly wants that child to be a good person. Love applauds obedience and chastens willful and stubborn behavior. Should it be any different with God’s love for His people? Or my love for others?
The discernment in these verses is actually the source of our word aesthetic. It is about “perception, insight, and the practical application of knowledge.” In other words, love is not blind nor does it turn a blind eye to sinful, selfish behavior. Instead, love carefully discerns what is right and what is wrong—according to the Word of God, then acts in harmony with that.
I would say that this discernment is also caring about others according to the heart of God, having a sense of what God is thinking. He reveals His heart to those who want to obey the instruction in these two verses. If my love is to abound as Paul says, then God will show me his heart and will help me applaud that which is excellent, biblically excellent, yet not be nearly so excited about those things that fly in the face of what He teaches.
For instance, if someone is greedy, bragging about the raise they wrangled at work, and boasting of the bargains they keep finding, can I be as happy for them as I am for the person who is content yet surprised and humbled to find themselves in similar circumstances—without the wrangling and boasting?
God tells me to “seek first His kingdom and His righteousness” (Matthew 6:33), then He will add everything else that I need. His love is never indulgent to my selfishness, but it is lavish beyond my wildest expectations. He wants me to be like that, even abounding in that kind of love. Today, this is my challenge!
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