Face to Face

We used to attend a church where the pastor gave a verse for the year to each member of the congregation. That set a habit in my life. I not only select one for myself, but give each child and grandchild their personal verse for the year.

This year, my verse is Psalm 27:8, “When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”

This verse became even more meaningful to me after earlier this year reading a book about the importance of eye contact to a developing child. If a small child has that face-to-face, eye-to-eye connection with its parents, particularly the mother, the child is more apt to be happier and healthier. Children who miss this are far more prone to everything from emotional disorders to ADD (attention deficient) problems.

When I read the book, I realized that I was ADD. I also realized that even though I was loved and cared for, my mother seldom looked me in the eye. I’m sure it was because of issues of her own, but it had an effect on me and my ability to form and maintain relationships.

Today I looked again at Psalm 27: and read the next two verses, “Do not hide Your face from me; do not turn Your servant away in anger; You have been my help; do not leave me nor forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.”

It seems to me that I can read that as, “Even if my parents hide their face from me, You my God will look me right in the eye and give me that nurturing connection so needed to help me grow and develop as Your child.”

God knows we need that special intimacy that is signified by unwavering eye contact. Those with ADD often have problems with this, as do others who have missed it during their infancy and childhood.

Today’s devotional reading is based on another verse in the Psalms, 119:176. It says, “I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek Your servant, for I do not forget Your commandments.”

My commentary says that though a wanderer from God, a truly pious person will always desire to be drawn back to Him. I know that is true. I might mess up, neglect obedience, and wander away for a time, but I never forget the commandments that He has taught me.

The commentary also says that lost means being utterly helpless to recover myself. Not only was I lost as a sinner before Christ came into my life, but even after that experience, I am not able to recover myself when I fall into disobedience. I know that I must look to God for restoration because I cannot save myself.

The devotional reading adds another reality, “If the Lord did not seek us, we should never seek the Lord” and I picture the helpless feeling of a child who can never catch the eye of its mother. The mother must seek the child because the child cannot make it happen.

If I could gaze into the face of the Lord without looking away, I would never stray, yet I cannot keep that gaze. For one thing, the awe of God is too much for me. My emotions cannot bear a sustained look at the reality of His glory.

Another thing that stops me is that His holiness exposes my sinfulness. In the light of His perfection, I see my sins and flaws most clearly and the closer I move to Him, the worse I feel about myself. In that human (and sinful) desire to protect myself, I turn away.

In the book I mentioned earlier, the author explains that when a baby and mother have that special eye contact, the baby becomes highly excited and must look away. However, the little one’s eyes will soon turn back to seek its mother’s eyes. But, and this is significant, if the mother turns away her gaze while the baby is looking into her eyes, the child becomes agitated and distressed.

When I read that, and read these verses, I realize why the psalmist asked God to “seek Your servant.” I can seek His face, but unless He seeks mine, all my searching does not satisfy that deep longing in my heart for intimacy with God.

Now when I read my verse for the year, I can renew my whisper of gratitude. I will seek His face, but I am so grateful that He never takes His eyes off mine.