Revealing myself

After hearing several speakers at a conference this weekend, I noted that some seemed more ‘real’ than others. I heard other attendees say this also. No matter the topic, it seems a few of us were looking for speakers who are transparent, who reveal themselves without pretense, or holding back, or covering up with any sort of layers.

This is not easy. Most people fear some things about themselves will cause rejection. Instead of being open, we will create a persona that we hope is more acceptable. However, in the process we might seem less authentic.

What is it that makes me want to see past the layers or feel perturbed by a facade? Why do I want others to be open about themselves? I think this is partly because I want to know if they are like me, if we have the same struggles, temptations and fears. When someone conveys that their life is perfect and I know I’m not, I feel disconnected from them.

But there is another reason. I cannot really know someone if they fake it or cover up what is going on inside. That doesn’t mean I need their deepest secrets or to know ‘all the dirt’ in their lives, but that I do want to know the real person. I want to be close to them. It goes both ways. Larry Crabbe’s book on encouragement says that most of our relationships are layer to layer rather than heart to heart, yet we long for that deeper intimacy.

So did Moses. God had given him the stone tablets with the commandments, spoken to him on the mountain, appeared to him in fire and a cloud, and spoke to him face to face in the ‘tent of meeting’ outside the Israelite camp. As Moses talked with God, he asked various questions. God promised His presence with him, but Moses wanted more. He wanted to have something from God that would distinguish him and his people from all others. God reassured him. Then Moses asked, “Now show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18).

According to my Bible dictionaries, glory means all the manifestations of God’s power and presence, the showing of His attributes. So hadn’t Moses already seen the glory of God?

Alan Ross, in his book Recalling the Hope of Glory, says something I didn’t know before. In this verse, the normal word for glory is not used. Instead, it is a personal pronoun, which means that Moses actually said, “Now show me Yourself.” Ross says Moses wanted to see past the bright cloud and the fire to the real person, even though he knew that “no one sees God and lives.”

God had appeared in various ways, and of course the cloud and the fire were not layers that He used to protect Himself. He appeared in these ways to protect His people. Had they looked upon the actual Person, they would die, and even though we as sinners deserve to die, God didn’t want that to happen.

With Moses, He replied, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you. . . . But you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.” He then placed Moses in the cleft of a rock, covered him with His hand as He passed by, then removed His hand and allowed Moses to see His back, but not His face.

Aside from the wonder of God doing this, even aside from the marvel that He appeared to us again in the form of a man, Jesus Christ, I’m struck by the idea of how God demonstrates the one legitimate reason for hiding anything that is true about me from another person. In my case, it would not be usually be glory, but the opposite, yet it could also be the good stuff.

Using God’s example, if there is any covering up to be done, it has to be because the revelation would harm the other person. For instance, if I just won an award and am talking to someone who just lost their job or was disappointed in their own personal performance, telling that person all about my win would be totally inappropriate. I’m not hiding it to protect me but to protect that person.

If someone suffers loss, is hurting from mistreatment, or is sad and upset for any reason, I don’t need to tell them all my woes. In this case, being transparent is unloving and adds a burden to their already overburdened heart.

The Bible says that as we gaze into the glory of the Lord, we are changed into that same image. My idea of the glory of the Lord is so lofty that I’ve feared such a spiritual discipline would be highly impractical, but this is not true. In showing His glory with fire and a cloud, God reveals enough about Himself to turn people from their own problems and struggles, but hides enough that they are not harmed by His revelation. His motivation in how He communicates is never self-focused but directed by a deep love that protects and wants the best for others, a very down-to-earth lesson for me today.