Under His gaze

Last night I blew it. One of my library books went missing and after thirty minutes of searching for it (when I had lots of more important things to do), I started to rant, accuse everyone in the house and out of the house of stealing it, and then slamming things in frustration.

When I found it (not where it belonged), I started to feel foolish. After yesterday’s beautiful call to “go higher” I dropped a few notches lower and felt the Lord’s gaze on me, probably like Peter did after he denied Him three times.

This morning takes me to Revelation 1:14. It describes John’s vision of Jesus, “His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes like a flame of fire.”

The typical understanding of that first glimpse of Jesus is not at all like the one John had. Most of us think of the Jesus in a Greg Olsen painting, a mild face, a smile, a welcoming hand reaching out to take ours, and a shoulder to lean on. Jesus is all that, but He also is blazing holiness with eyes like lasers that penetrate our sinful hearts.

After praying about being such a ninny, I realized the supposed loss of that book was a symbol of the other losses I am experiencing during this unexpected change in our lives. Instead of grieving those, I poured all my frustration into an innocent book and at anyone who happened to be within earshot.

This morning I think about the glowing white light of the glory of God, of His fire that burns away impurities, of the grandeur of who He is. He has called me closer to that, closer to His greatness, His holiness. I know today that getting there means letting His eyes examine me, letting His fire at me.

Hebrews 12:11 says, “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

This isn’t fun, yet Hebrews 12 also tells me to keep my eyes on Him, the One with the laser eyes who is the Author and Finisher of my faith, because He loves those He chastens. He also promises me that “kingdom which cannot be shaken” and encourages me to serve Him "with reverence and godly fear."

Pressing on . . .