Two Heart Attacks

Because marriage makes “two people one flesh” (Genesis 2:24), what happens to my husband affects me. Whatever happens to me, affects him. We share our lives, and this past week that sharing has become more distinctive in several ways.

For one thing, the hospital nutritionist said that his diet was pretty good, but suggested he follow the Mediterranean Diet, good to promote a healthy heart. It makes sense that both of us eat the same things, so I’m also following the same diet. Already, we have both dropped a few pounds and feel really good.

I’m also seeing that his heart attack is my heart attack, but not the physical kind. God is using what happened to my husband to show me how to improve some of my heart’s attitudes. One of them involves submission.

I’ve often said that submission means being free from the tyranny of always needing to have my own way. However, being a “kept woman” who does not work outside the home and most of the time has freedom to plan her own day, by default, I usually have a lot of freedom to make my own choices. This is not in a sinful sense since God overrides and is my constant Guide who directs my decisions, but unless He tells me otherwise, my days are routinely predictable.

All that has changed. I am now chauffeur and errand runner. Every day brings trips, errands or appointments that I normally would be involved in, as well as lifting, carrying and so on, all things that my husband would usually do for himself.

Normal-me would find this role irritating to say the least. After years of being alone most of the day, even having someone around all the time takes adjustment. But the heart attack, both his and mine, has an effect of changing normal. I’m noticing an unexpected lack of feisty in me, a surprising willingness to go along with this without impatience or annoyance.

Some might think, Of course. You should be darn glad you still have your husband, glad that he is here for you to help. They are right, and I am, but I am also aware of my own selfish and proud heart. I like to decide my agenda and plan my activities. I like to pace myself, think of what comes next. Now all of that is impossible, and I know without a doubt that apart from grace, I couldn’t accept these changes, at least not easily.

Today’s devotional verse is 1 Peter 5:5. It says, “Likewise, you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’”

This tells me the reason I need to submit to my circumstances. It is not only to be helpful and generous with my time and energy, but also that pride does not have an opportunity to interfere with grace. If I refuse submission, I would dearly miss out on a great blessing from God.

My husband needs me right now, but I know how much I need grace all the time. This verse shows me that if I, in stubborn pride, refused to yield to his needs (even in my thoughts) and insist on having my own way, I would cut myself off from the grace of God and nothing gives me a greater horror. I see grace as God revealing Jesus Christ to me in such a way that I am changed to be like Him. Apart from grace and apart from seeing Jesus, I would be stuck in the tyranny, stuck in the darkness of a selfish heart. Again, the thought of losing grace is a great horror.

Bob’s heart will heal, but forever bear a scar. That is the way of a heart attack. My heart will never be the same either. That is the way of grace. Through my heart attack, the old me is losing something in it’s struggle to have control. That is a good thing.

It also puts a different spin on Psalm 73:26 which says, “My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Today, the new me rejoices that the Lord is the strength of my heart. Because that is true, the normal me is failing but He is stepping up to take His place and be what my heart needs.