Curing ‘I don’t want to-itis’

Some mornings I don’t want to approach the Word of God. I don’t want to pray. It isn’t that my to-do list is long or that I’ve done something that makes me feel ashamed. It’s more like a hungry child that does not want to eat his supper. He knows it is good for him, but he’s had enough of the discipline of doing the right thing.

This is the biggest reason I appreciate this passage from the New Testament. It speaks to me about what is going on when I am reluctant toward spiritual disciplines . . .

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 5:6–11)

Humble yourselves. Prior verses talk about pride. Humility is knowing how badly I need God. Humility recognizes that His Word is vital to my spiritual strength, daily attitude and general well-being. A friend used to say: “Miss devotions for a day and God knows it. Miss two days and I know it. Miss three days and everyone knows it.”

Mighty hand of God. Dare I forget that He is sovereign and controls whatever comes my way? Dare I forget that I am His child and He wants the best for me? Dare I forget that the best days of my life are about Him?

Casting all my anxieties . . . on who or what else? Where can I take the things that worry me? Can anyone else do or fix the problems? Most people don’t even want to listen to them, never mind help me out!

Be sober-minded. As Tozer says, this is the attitude of mind when calm reason is in control. The Spirit of God gives this amazing peace that can face life without getting in a flap. He not only gives love, joy, peace and the other fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), but also a sober mind from an enlightened ability to be rational and think through whatever I am feeling and doing. Life has clarity, not a dull sense of ‘I don’t want to’ but an eagerness to spend time with the One who created me and wrote the instruction book for living.

Your adversary . . . prowls. This is the biggest key to my negativity. Somehow, the devil gets into my head and twists my thinking. If he cannot create rebellion, he creates complacency. If he cannot build my pride, he makes me feel like a doormat. He does not want me to trust God in my trials but become discouraged and start thinking that God does not care.

God of all grace . . . will restore . . . It helps to know that others experience the same trials, but the greatest blessing is that ‘this too shall pass’ — for God Himself has a plan. When my trials have fulfilled their purpose, He will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish me. One of those words means to give me a firm determination — take away the lackadaisical and bad attitudes and produce in me a great desire to give Him greater dominion in my life.

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Jesus, thank You for this wonderful reminder of how much I need You. I am not mighty. I need someone to talk to about things that trouble me and give all things rational thought. I also must realize that my adversary is putting clouds into my thinking, but You are firming my resolve to build my faith and resist him. The only way to do that is by keeping my sWORD sharp and my eyes on You.

Worship and rabbit trails

My Uncle Edward was a storyteller who at the same time built patience in those who listened. His stories were worth hearing to the end, but he had a habit of going down rabbit trails. That is, parts of his story would remind him of events or people somewhat related to the story, but he had to put them in. A yarn that could be told in five minutes might require an hour.

This morning’s devotional verse seemed at first to take me down a rabbit trail. It is the same verse as yesterday and the reading is about worship. My Bible has “cross references” which means there are numbers on words and phrases with corresponding links to other verses with the same or similar words and ideas. God seemed to prod the reading of them, and one thing led to another. This is the path that I followed…

Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness; tremble before him, all the earth! (Psalm 96:9)

Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness. (Psalm 29:2)

Tremble, O earth, at the presence of the Lord, at the presence of the God of Jacob. (Psalm 114:7)

All these things my hand has made, and so all these things came to be, declares the Lord. But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word. (Isaiah 66:2)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

After reading these together, I’m wondering about the connections in my head. How did I get from the first verse to the last? What does God want me to understand from these verses?

The reading asks, “What is worship?” Its answer is “prostration, bowing down” with the attitude that recognizes His throne and superiority, and that takes the low place of reverence in the presence of God. It is also speaking from that attitude in words that ascribe to God what is due Him. He is splendid in holiness (and so I am to be as I worship). That is the bridge from the first verse to the second.

Both were in mind when I read verse three. Worship is about trembling in the presence of God, and the Bible calls the whole earth to this act of reverence. Why tremble? There is something about the majesty of God that is so awesome, so beyond all else, that my trembling can be related to sheer amazement and delight.

But there is another reason to tremble in worship. As I realize my sinfulness and total lack of anything in me that I should even be able to worship this Holy God, I know that it is by mercy that I am in this place. I stand before God because of Jesus Christ, with no other reason or claim. He died that I can be brought into a saving relationship with my Creator, and for this I tremble.

Again, the whole earth is called to tremble at the presence of God. All these things His hand has made, yet all can see that not all people in the earth are in that saving relationship with their Creator. This relationship is enjoyed by those to whom God has revealed Himself. He has shown us our sinfulness and we have responded with “Yes, God” to truth about ourselves and our need of grace. The rest of the world shakes its fist at God. Only the contrite who are brokenhearted over sin and crushed in spirit will feel the eyes of the Lord upon them and sense His presence near them.

This runs full circle back to the first verse. Holiness is about being set apart for God. This happens when God opens our eyes to His great love for us and when we respond to that love by giving ourselves back to Him in humility and with a contrite spirit. The reading describes how I feel as the Spirit mixes these thoughts into my mind.

I worship in the presence of God as I recognize that in him I find everything that my life demands, that in myself I am incomplete. A sense of my need and his resource, a sense that my life finds its heights and its best and fulfills itself in relation to him produces the act and the attitude of worship. The attitude of worship is the attitude of a subject bent before a monarch; the attitude of a child yielding all its love to a parent; the attitude of the sheep that follows the shepherd and is content in all the pasturage that the shepherd appoints. It is the attitude of saying yes to everything that God says.

Guard my mouth

The prophet Jeremiah was hated during his years of ministry. He had one servant that stuck by him and one man who pulled him out of a pit. Everyone else tried to shut him up or kill him.

Few Christians in North America can relate to Jeremiah. Our lives are seldom in danger and even if we are disliked, the laws in our land protect us from the physical harm of persecution.

Yet I understand and identify with Jeremiah. No one has thrown me down a well or ripped up my words, but I’ve felt the same confusion and fear as this one who has been called the “weeping” prophet. I’ve had a small taste of rejection because of my faith or my expression of it. I’ve also wondered if God had abandoned me when everyone else seemed to have turned their backs.

God reminded Jeremiah of his initial commission to his prophetic ministry. He’d told him in the beginning that no one would listen, that he would be rejected. When circumstances became difficult, Jeremiah faltered and God spoke.

Therefore thus says the LORD: “If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them. And I will make you to this people a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you, but they shall not prevail over you, for I am with you to save you and deliver you, declares the LORD. I will deliver you out of the hand of the wicked, and redeem you from the grasp of the ruthless.” (Jeremiah 15:19–21)

Even as a man of God, Jeremiah could turn away, stop declaring truth from God and be a victim of his enemies. To avoid that, he needed to stay close to God and allow the Lord to continually refresh and restore Him. This is one reason for having daily devotions. I need daily power to stand before God. Without His Word to me, I’m side-tracked at the least and overcome at the worst.

Jeremiah also needed to say precious truth, not utter worthless words. God wanted to use his mouth, but he had to cooperate. Paul wrote the same command in the New Testament. 

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:29)

if I want to be a mouthpiece for God, then I must watch my mouth. Worthless chatter is just as contrary to His speech as coarse talk and filthy language. When I open my mouth, He wants me to say things that build the faith of others in a suitable way. Grace, amazingly, is imparted through words. The unconditional love of God can be conveyed by how I talk. If I want God to use me, then idle speech must give way to precious words.

Some people don’t like to hear spiritual truth. Sometimes God wants me to say it in gentleness and use words that are gentle. On other occasions, I must speak firmly and perhaps become that fortified wall that others resist. Fear can keep me from doing this, but God told Jeremiah that He would deliver him from those who fought against him. Jeremiah suffered but God protected him. I can claim the same promise . . . as long as my words are precious and not worthless.

Of course my life and ministry are not even close to that of Jeremiah or any other of God’s prophets. I teach a Sunday class. Almost all who attend it are on the same page in their desire to serve God. Seldom does anyone come in with a personal agenda and a mean-spirited desire to prevail over me or spiritual truth. However, when that happens, I have God’s promises. He tells me to stand before Him and utter words of value. He will take care of those who do not like what I am doing.

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Father, I’m always amazed at Your power to protect those who are bold and stand for You. The prophets of the Old Testament and the faithful disciples of the New Testament (and beyond) have met opposition, yet You deliver all from the hand of evil and ruthless people. This deliverance can be literal in this life, or it could mean removal from their presence into Your eternal realm. Either way, no enemy or person who hates truth can prevail over Your people when we stay close to You and do what You tell us to do. No one can separate us from Your love. Thank You for this reminder to watch what I say — and for Your promise to continually save and deliver me.

My “Calling”

As the oldest person in a seminary class, I was challenged when one of the young students asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was his way of trying to find out why I was taking a masters degree at my age.

The problem with his question is that I’ve never been able to figure out what I want to be. Others have a sense of career or calling, but I never have. When people ask me what I do, I try to pick one of my many activities that might aid our conversation. Since I’ve not had a formal job since marrying my dear hubby, I sometimes quip that I am a “kept” woman.

Spurgeon’s devotional for today is about the calling of God. He uses a passage that describes Jesus’ selection of the twelve disciples.

And he went up on the mountain and called to him those whom he desired, and they came to him. And he appointed twelve (whom he also named apostles) so that they might be with him and he might send them out to preach and have authority to cast out demons. (Mark 3:13–15)

The first part of this passage shows that Jesus is sovereign. He called those He wanted to call and they came. Right away He reminds me of what He has been saying to me all week, that my life is in His hands and that I need not be anxious about it. He will tell me what I need to do and to know, and for that, I need to “be with Him.”

Spurgeon says, “Impatient spirits may fret and fume, because they are not called to the highest places in the ministry” but adds that I ought to rejoice that Jesus calls whomever He wills, and if He leaves me to be a “doorkeeper in his house,” I must cheerfully obey and do just that. It is by grace that anyone is permitted to do anything small or great for Him.

Further, the call to Christ’s servants comes from a high place. The mountain in these verses represents staying above all that is in the world. Jesus is above in holiness, zeal, love and power. When He calls someone to service, that person must go up the mountain as it were, seeking to rise to His level by constant communion and total obedience.

This leaves out other things such as any honor a person might seek such as excellence in career, or scholastic eminence, or recognition in other pursuits. Also, the call of God to service is like the experience of Moses who went up into the mountain of God and had communion with the unseen God. Otherwise, there is no power or anything else needed to do the job. This is not a part-time occupation.

Jesus often went apart from others to have deep fellowship with His Father. Those who are called to serve God must also do the same if they are going to bless humanity and heed that call on their lives. The calling of God is not without cost. While it seems a noble thing to be sent into the world to preach and cast out demons, the disciples needed to be clothed with power and able to do the job that He called them to do. That power is perfected only in weakness. Weakness is not much fun.

Not only that, spending time with God is essential to any ordination to a lifework. No one can be a blessing to others until they see and spend time with Jesus. No one can cast out devils or work wonders unless girded with divine energy. All human ability and resources must be abandoned for total dependance on that which Christ alone can give.

I know that I cannot do anything apart from Him. I cannot fight spiritual battles without heavenly weapons, nor speak to others about Jesus without His grace and power. This is not the issue for me today. The issue is the idea of being “called” to something. He says to me that He does the appointing and sending. I cannot come up with my own life plan and then ask Him to give me what I need to carry it out. What I want to be when I grow up is not my call; it is His.

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Father, You warn against selfish ambition. This can apply to any desire to rise above the ordinary and be more than You have asked. I know that I must see Jesus and spend time with You for the power to do anything that each day demands. I must do the same for the direction that doing takes. If You do not call me to a “career path” or a lifetime on one particular track, then I must listen to You every moment of every day simply for Your will for that moment or that day.

As I think about my tendency to not listen very well and do my own thing, I can see Your wisdom in this for me. Without that sense of needing to hear from You almost all the time, I’d not walk as close to You as I should. I’m thankful that You call me up the mountain often, even if You send me back down with rather ordinary tasks that seem to have little significance. I am glad that You know what is best for me and that includes learning how to listen and obey in what seems like a very ordinary life.

The tests of poverty and riches

When Christ came into my life, I was recently divorced, without a regular income, had two little children and a farm to take care of, and was rapidly learning how to make do with very little. Through this, God taught me that He was going to take care of my financial well-being too.

For instance, in the sermon on the mount, Jesus told His listeners that God cared about sparrows and the lilies of the field. If He cares about that which is here today and gone tomorrow, He cares so much more for His own. 

Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:31–33)

During those very lean years, God had me spend a great deal of time in His Word. He used it and my circumstance to teach me much about the value of poverty. Even after I remarried, together we had very little. I made night tables from cardboard boxes and tried not to waste anything. Yet God always made sure I had what I needed.

After ten years or so, God called my husband into His family and he became a Christian. One of the first things God taught him was that He is his resource and could be depended upon to take care of his needs too. He experienced amazing things. For instance, each time he increased his giving at church, he afterward received a raise at work. Together we learned that we cannot out-give God.

Paul wrote about this test of trusting God in hunger and in need, but there is another test in what he had to say.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11–13)

The second test is learning to live with plenty, even abundance. Obviously, the cares and riches of this world are enough to draw people away from Christ. In the parable of the soils, the seed (Word of God) that was planted among thorns (the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches) choked the Word so that it bore no fruit. Paul also wrote in 1 Timothy 6 that the love of money is the root of all evil.

The author of Proverbs knew the dangers too. He asked, “Give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny You and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God” (Proverbs 30:8-9).

One danger of being blessed with plenty is thinking I can get whatever I want without relying on You. Another danger is turning my attention to the baubles of the world and neglecting my relationship with You.

You have taught me so much or I never could pass both ends of this teetering test. My sinful human heart cannot be needy or wealthy. When I was poor, had I not known Christ, I shudder to think what I might have done. Now, with more than adequate resources, You continue to keep my priorities in order. You show me others with great needs and direct me to bless them. You draw me again and again into Your Word. You have taught me to hate even a moment out of fellowship with You.

Perhaps first being poor makes the second test easier, yet with Christ, those who lose all they have will still find You faithful. You ask me to pray for my daily bread, but you continually remind me that I cannot “live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

Plugged in

I don’t know what is more amazing, how much energy I had yesterday or how much my joints hurt this morning! One thing is certain; the more I prayed committing the work I was doing to the Lord, the more He filled me with enthusiasm for what I was doing, even going up and down the ladder to edge in along the ceiling (I’m challenged by heights, even low ones) or painting inside a small, very warm bathroom with a lot of edges that could not be taped.

My verses are the same again today as yesterday, only this time with an emphasis on a different phrase, “continuing steadfastly in prayer.”

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. (Romans 12:10-13)

Prayer is the connection to God and God is my resource. Apart from Him, even those human qualities of kindly affection and brotherly love will come and go. Apart from Him, I know I will be inconsistent in giving preference to others, particularly when there is nothing in it for me. He is my diligence and enthusiasm, my joy and hope, and certainly my source of patience. Without Him I can do nothing. However, to stay connected and have those inner resources, I must pray.

Prayer can be a natural as breathing, but sometimes it is hard work. I’m easily distracted and today, I might easily fall asleep. Other days my to-do list is so long that it takes much determination to first pray. If I have a period where it seems there are no answers, I feel like giving up.

My attitude toward God is also important. I need the qualities in these verses toward Him as well as toward other Christians. I cannot pray as easily if my heart lacks affection for the One to whom I pray. Love and gratitude make prayer easier.

He must also come first in my life because my prayers become filled with gimme, gimme when I do not give preference to Him in praise and yielding to His will. Diligence, fervency of spirit, hope and patience have a great deal to do with how I am relating to Him. If my heart is humble and trusting, these things just happen. If not, they fly out the window.

Despite wanting a long soak in Epsom salt water, my first priority this morning is prayer. After I’m finished, I’ll no doubt pray again in the tub and throughout the day because I want to continue steadfastly in prayer. More than that, I want to, and need to, stay connected.