A subtle desire for glory

Months ago, I presented an idea for ministry to our church leadership. They were all for it. However, I’ve been wondering if the idea was God’s or mine. Others think it is a great idea, but participation isn’t happening. I suspect I’ve goofed up somewhere, and asked the Lord to show me.

One answer came from today’s reading in My Utmost for His Highest. It is about ‘who gets the glory’ and even though I know this truth, knowing it is not the same as putting it into practice. Chambers uses this verse as his basis for what he says:

“The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete.” (John 3:29)

Jesus is the groom and His friend who stands near and hears Him is like any best man, he is not there to grandstand, but to rejoice in the Groom and hearing His voice. Everything he does is about Jesus.

I’m not always doing that. Chambers says my goodness is not to attract attention to me, but be a magnet to draw others to Jesus. Otherwise, I can be a hindrance because people will glorify me instead of Him. The hard part is liking that attention.

Chambers goes on to say that obedience is occasional while abiding in Christ is a constant. If I’m not called to “do” any good things, I am still called to “be” in right relationship to my Savior. The ‘being’ part forms the greater portion of life. If my ‘being’ is intent on maintaining a close relationship and loyalty to the Lord, then when called upon to act, that focus will come to the forefront. If my ‘being’ is intent on fitting in, doing a great work, being a good prayer warrior, or any other thing, no matter how good that is, then that will be the focus, not Jesus.

I get it. I know it. I’m not there yet.

God shows me how my regular devotional reading is related to what Chambers says. It points out that ‘doing good’ is about the ‘rules’ of Christian life, and in trying to be a good Christian and do good things, my focus too easily slides to that instead of to glorifying Jesus Christ. He is “the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.” (Romans 10:4)

Romans 7:1-13 speaks of the need to be dead to the law so that I can bear fruit for God. It adds, “For while we were living in the flesh, our sinful passions, aroused by the law, were at work in our members to bear fruit for death. But now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code.”

This passage points out that the law is not sin, but it serves to show that whatever we do in an attempt to obey it, we fall short. “Sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, bring death to me? By no means! It was sin, producing death in me through what is good, in order that sin might be shown to be sin, and through the commandment might become sinful beyond measure.”

What then is the point? From this passage and from others, I realize that trying to do ‘all the right things’ is futile because my efforts are my efforts. If this ministry idea is from God (and I’m not sure about that either), then He will work out the kinks and give me whatever I need to do my part. If not, then no amount of human effort will make it work.

^^^^^^^^^^^

Jesus, my efforts at self-glory are subtle, but they show up and, at best, are fruitless. My idea sounds good but its roots are in the wrong place. Instead of grace making it happen, I’ve been relying on my efforts. I’m aware that ‘relying on grace’ can also be a subtle selfish effort to get You to bless this plan. Instead, You have said that I am dead to sin and alive to God. Please turn my focus on the amazing goodness of You and teach me what I need to be so that You receive all glory. 

Jesus and psychosomatic illness

In Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate there was a pool. In Aramaic it was called Bethesda, which meant “house of mercy.” This area had five roofed colonnades and in this semi-protected place lay a multitude of invalids. They were blind, lame, or paralyzed. One man had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. (John 5:2–6) 

This man could have been in an accident, or could have had some disease that left him unable to walk. What was unusual is that he had lived so long in this condition, perhaps longer than a normal lifespan for that time. There were no government medical programs back then either, which meant this man must beg to make a living. Being ill that long would not be an easy life, yet Jesus asked him a strange question, “Do you want to be healed?”

The sick man answered him, “Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, and while I am going another steps down before me.” (John 5:7)

Today’s devotional writer sees loneliness in this statement. Here is a man in a crowd of people who believe that the first one into the pool when the water “moved” would be healed, but this man had no one to help him? 

I’m not sure that he was telling the whole truth. How can an invalid survive that many years without some help? He must have had family and friends that took care of his basic needs. However, he said no one would help him into the pool. Maybe those who took care of him didn’t want him to experience healing? Maybe they thought this “first into the pool” thing was superstition and refused to play along? Perhaps they didn’t understand how illness can be psychosomatic and that he might actually be healed if he thought the water would heal him. 

Or maybe they recognized that his infirmity was not the same as those who has been in accidents or had some disease, and were not impressed. He became tiresome to them and perhaps seemed to be faking it. Maybe he was drawn to this place called “house of mercy” for he longed for kindness and understanding that his ailment had deeper roots.

Those whose illness is emotionally caused could be lonely, but also deeply insecure. I knew someone who became genuinely sick when she didn’t want to tackle a challenge. She would soon be in bed with a fever, too ill to do anything. Perhaps this man was like that and found it easier to be an invalid than to live a normal life. He became comfortable being taken care of others, and was afraid of trying to make it on his own after being so long in this state. Also, even though he was likely not alone, he could have been very lonely. That is what happens to anyone whose focus is “me and my medical problems” — whether they are real or caused by fear or attention-seeking.

Adding to my thoughts about his illness is that the story says nothing to verify that the pool had specific powers. However, the power of suggestion is also noted in modern medicine. If a person has a psychosomatic illness, rather than something physically caused, then Jesus’ question makes even more sense — and it cuts right to the heart of the issue. 

It also convicts me. Haven’t I at times used some sort of personal problem to get attention? Haven’t I been fearful and made up excuses for why I could not move ahead? I also remember a few times when others suggested a simple solution and I was annoyed with them. I didn’t want solutions; I wanted a good excuse for not doing what needed to be done.

Jesus may have had a longer conversation with this invalid man than was recorded by John. The Lord may have talked to him about his fears and encouraged him to think differently about life. He may have challenged him to consider the life he was missing, or even why the people who brought him food were not sticking around long enough to put him into the pool. Whatever else was said, the Lord had mercy on the man.

Jesus said to him, “Get up, take up your bed, and walk.” And at once the man was healed, and he took up his bed and walked….(John 5:8–9)

But afterward Jesus found him in the temple and said something that again seems to cut to the heart of the problem again, “See, you are well! Sin no more, that nothing worse may happen to you.” (John 5:14) 

How does this apply to my life? First, don’t let self-pity and fear keep me from living as fully as God intends. To do so would be sin. He wants me to trust Him, then get up and walk. I must obey Him.

Second, consider others who are like this man and whose infirmities are held on to because they do not want to be well. Jesus was merciful with them, yet direct. He understood their need but also their problems and gave His kind attention to both. Jesus can hug and rebuke at the same time. Does He want me to be like that with the infirm and those who make excuses? I think so and I must obey Him.