Dismayed?

Today, Chambers speaks of a spiritual discipline I’ve not heard of or considered. It comes from a brief description of Jesus traveling with His disciples and telling them that He will be taken by the chief priest and scribes, condemned to death, delivered to the Romans, mocked and flogged, killed, and after three days rise from the dead. They were filled with wonder and apprehension. This amazement and fear is the “discipline of dismay”!

And they were on the road, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus was walking ahead of them. And they were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. And taking the twelve again, he began to tell them what was to happen to him . . .  (Mark 10:32)

I know this feeling of being dismayed concerning other people. A person I thought I knew has taken a path that dismays me. It seems to me the wrong path (and probably is), but this action was so unexpected that I am dismayed. How could this happen?

The disciples felt dismay to the extreme. Jesus would be arrested? Jesus would be condemned and mocked? Jesus would die? That was overwhelming. I wonder if they even heard the last item on the list – that He would rise from the dead.

As Chambers says, we first begin our journey with Christ in a sense of delight and love. We want to cling to Him and do everything He says. However, a time comes when the direction He leads us is strange, filled with pitfalls and difficulties. We wonder and may even ask Him, “Lord, what are You doing?” And into the discipline of dismay we plunge.

My view of the Lord changed over years of multiple disciplines or seasons of dismay. As a new Christian, I thought He was like my earthly father who was a loving dad who gave me pretty well whatever I wanted because he was told I would not live past sixteen. However, God taught me that He is not like that. He would give me what I need, but my wants are not always in line with His will. Sometimes He gives me things I never wanted, and in the process I’ve learned that my Father is much wiser than my father (whom I also love).

The journey of life has been filled with surprising and dismaying circumstances, all designed to discipline me so that I would become more like Jesus . . .

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son . . . . (Romans 8:28–29)

Getting to that “death and resurrection” in my own experience is also called “put off the old and put on the new.” It sounds wonderful at first, but the process of putting it into practice is a great and dismaying challenge.

But it is also filled with wonder, particularly after I realize what God is doing in those life-changing experiences. Hindsight generally comes after those dark places. When in them, I rarely understand the full purpose of God, even though I understood the above verses right after my conversion. When life makes no sense, dismay easily takes over, pushing truth to the side. People say, “Never doubt in the dark what God has revealed in the light” yet that is easier to remember when in the light than when in the dark.

Another danger in dismay’s discipline is being so enamored by the familiarity of “knowing Jesus” that I want to restore that comfortable feeling and try to do it by setting a “little fire” of my own and walk by my own light. One way of doing that is by inventing “truth” which feels better than that awful dismay of not knowing the will of God. But it does not work . . .

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment. (Isaiah 50:10–11)

God is teaching me that when the darkness of dismay comes, endure it, letting it discipline me to simply trusting Him. If I avoid any attempts to create my own light (or try to imagine what is going on), then when dismay has done its work, He gives me an amazing result; I have a deeper understanding of Jesus than before, and along with it a deep and unspeakable joy.

God is in the darkness

Our weekly study group read and discussed the book of Jonah last night. Most of the people there were not impressed with this rebellious prophet and some even mocked him.

However, I saw Jonah differently than ever before. I know what it feels like to say ‘no’ to God and then go into great conflict because of it. Jonah’s emotional state would have mirrored his spiritual torment. Those who know and love God cannot fight with Him without feeling depressing guilt and the pounding of the Holy Spirit. Besides that, when I resist His will, I am left alone to battle with my foolishness, which is a dark place.

Jonah was walking in darkness, wrapped in seaweed in darkness, and in the belly of a fish in darkness. Even after God spoke to him, rescued him, and worked obedience in his life, this reluctant preacher was still turned inward, without humility and without gratitude toward the Lord.

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment. (Isaiah 50:10–11)

What does it mean to walk in darkness? Sometimes God simply withdraws the sense of His presence to test and prove my faith. Will I keep on? Will I seek Him?

Sometimes darkness is my own doing. Like Jonah, I say ‘no’ to something God wants or ‘yes’ to something He doesn’t want, and the lights go out. As these verses say, when that happens, I only add to the problem as I try my own ‘light’ which results in the experience of more darkness. Solutions of the flesh are never solutions and no escape from the torment. Jonah tried to run away from God and that ‘light’ didn’t work either.

In Jonah’s situation, God asked him to do something that repulsed him; he was to take God’s message to his enemies. Another Old Testament saint, Job, was struck on all sides too, without any apparent reason for his darkness. He lost everything but his wife and his life, but did the opposite as Jonah. Jonah ran, but Job stayed. He complained and argued, yet his trust in God remained.

Faith is easy when all goes well and my tasks are pleasant. Could I have faith if my children were buried, my home desolate, my health and prosperity gone?

Today’s devotion (again by Spurgeon) asks if my easy faith is really faith in God at all. Or is it only a cheerfulness that rises out of my surroundings? He grabs my heart by saying, “Fair-weather faith is a poor imitation of the real grace. I entreat you to be stalwart, for if you cannot do so, your strength is small, and your faith is questionable.”

Not only that, this preacher (who has become a friend!) says to remember one more thing: My blessed Lord and Master was not spared the blackest midnight that ever fell on any human. He was exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. How can I expect to be treated better than God’s dear Son, the Lamb of God?

What will come of it if I can trust God in the dark? I will discover again that He will not fail me. Even before the light comes and while it is still dark, such faith declares it. He is God of light and God of darkness.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. (Psalm 139:11–12)

Trusting God in the dark is also a humbling thing. Spurgeon says that by walking in darkness and seeing no light, “You will form a very low idea of yourself, and this will be a superior blessing.” I wince, but know it is true.

Further, if I can trust God in dark trials, I will prove and enjoy the power of prayer. The person who has never needed to cling to God in prayer cannot declare the wonder of being able to pray, or to say with Job, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him…” (Job 13:15)

It is in these struggles that Christians mature. Faith in the dark changes my life, even brings greater light than was hoped for and a fuller reward than was expected. This means that being in the dark is not a bad thing. God uses such trials for my good and for His glory. I can trust Him in the light — and when the lights go out.

The Lord is my Strong Tower

When I get to heaven, there are many people I anticipate meeting and telling them how much I have appreciated their ministry here on earth. One of them is Charles Spurgeon. His language and writing belong to another era, but his love for the Lord and his attitude of worship have blessed me. I want to thank him for being an encourager who urges me to press on and to keep trusting the Lord.

Spurgeon’s words for today are based on the this command to trust God, even when all is dark. Most of my thoughts are a paraphrase of what he says, for all I can say is, “Amen!”

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. (Isaiah 50:10)

I understand that “trust in the name of the Lord” means relying on the revealed character of God. When I cannot see my way, then I can open the Bible and take a fresh look at what sort of God I am trusting. I can recall what He did in the past, and be refreshed by His promises for today. I can see His infinite love in the gift of His dear Son and my Savior, Jesus Christ.

The name of the Lord also means God the Son, for it is in Jesus Christ that Jehovah God has proclaimed His name. When it is dark around me, even within me, I can go to my Savior, and think of Him. I can remember His suffering and His sacrifice for my sin. I can remember His death and hear His cries. I can recall the flowing of His blood and gain comfort, even joy that will turn my darkness into day, not that His agony is comforting, but I am blessed because His suffering became triumph and His death became life everlasting.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

I am also blessed when I think about the name of the Lord and remember that it signifies what God has shown me of Himself in my past experience. He created a memorial for me, memories that are a great encouragement whenever I am in a dark place, or struggling with some sin or challenge. He has helped me over and over in years gone by. I have been able to say, “What deliverance… I will never doubt him again!” Yet such a stupid one am I — forgetting that in every dark time I will doubt Him again!

But why? Jehovah God is with me. I do not need to fear. I can rely on God. I can lean on Him and let Him be my support. He made a covenant with me. He promises to never leave me or forsake me. I can be foolish, confused, uncertain, doubting, questioning, even rebellious, and He never lets go of my hand. I can fully trust in Him even in the darkness because He has never, and will never, let me down.

He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and merciful. He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever. He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the inheritance of the nations. The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy; they are established forever and ever, to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness. He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name! (Psalm 111:4–9)

Light in darkness

Darkness and light are metaphors God uses to bring home the difference between blind spiritual ignorance and His amazing spiritual enlightenment. Yet even when the Holy Spirit opens a Christian’s heart and mind to the light of God, we are not guaranteed perfect vision or entirely sunshiny days.

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment. (Isaiah 50:10–11)

These verses could be talking about those who have no fear of God and are not obedient to Him, but today’s devotional writer links the first sentence with the rest and writes about Christians who spend most of their lives without that special sense of God’s presence and light. As I recall when this darkness has overwhelmed me, I shudder at the idea of it being a major portion of life.

The last few weeks have felt like a revolving door between darkness and light. For one day or sometimes only one minute, God would enlighten my thinking and grant a strong sense of His nearness. Then my spiritual senses seemed plunged into a pit where God was gone, grace had departed, and I was blind and helpless. Worse than any roller coaster ride, these times of darkness robbed me of sleep, never mind peace of mind. Darkness is horrible.

These verses from Isaiah describe what to do, and what not to do in such situations. I’m supposed to trust in the Lord and rely on Him, even when all seems dark. I’m not supposed to come up with some sort of ‘light’ of my own and let that guide me through this sense of darkness, for doing that will only bring torment.

Sometimes I learn the hard way. I tried my own light. It didn’t work, just as God said. I know torment. However, I did find promises from God that gave me something to cling to, promises like…

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly. (Psalm 84:11)

The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:10)

I cannot imagine spending my entire Christian life walking in faith without any sense of light, only clinging to what God has said without some kind of subjective evidence. That is, He promises to supply all my needs but could I endure a perpetual sense of being needy? Would I question even His existence? Or would I be like Job who proved that God’s gift of faith makes it possible to cling to Him even in darkness?

Without light, there is no comfort from the Holy Spirit. I read the Bible and am not joyful in its truths. I go to church but the music is dull and the message is blurry (or sharp and unbearable). Yet during all of this, I see what God is doing, so there is some light. He seems to leave me alone for a time so that I might know how useless and vulnerable to sin and death I am without Him. In the darkness, I realize more deeply that without His divine presence, even His blessings are bland and meaningless.

Of course, Satan makes use of such darkness. If he could, he would bring spiritual and even physical death. If not perishing, he produces bewilderment designed to destroy any power or desire to keep holding the hand of God. Yet even with all his destructive power, he is weaker than God who graciously says…

I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. (Isaiah 42:16)

For the record, the consistent light of life is again my portion. God “has redeemed my soul from going down into the pit, and my life shall look upon the light” (Job 33:28). Actually, that light is Jesus who said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

For that, I reply, “I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life” (Psalm 56:12–13). 

God’s light is better than darkness

Why do terrible things happen? Today’s devotional says that darkness, suffering and tears furnish an occasion for God to bestow his grace. This is not sadistic, like “let me hit you so I can comfort you.” It is more like a lawyer who is knowledgeable and has a deep burden to help the downtrodden, but if help is to be given, he must first have a case. That is, someone must bring him their troubles so he can help.

Most of the time, those who know and love God look for the good that He can bring out of tragedy. We bring our trials to Him and sometimes He explains the ‘why’ by giving us verses like these…

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. (2 Corinthians 1:3–6)

Those who suffer empathize with others who go through the same tragedies. It can even happen on the spot, like the many in Boston who were injured themselves but did not run from the danger. Instead, they stayed to help others who were more injured.

However, there are other reasons for suffering besides God’s plan to use it for good. Sometimes I can bring it on myself. That is, foolish choices can have injurious consequences. If I want to walk in disobedience, I will also walk in darkness, not seeing truth or purpose in any events in life. Nothing will make sense to me and confusion will reign. How do I know this? Experience sadly proves it, and the Bible also says it…

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Behold, all you who kindle a fire, who equip yourselves with burning torches! Walk by the light of your fire, and by the torches that you have kindled! This you have from my hand: you shall lie down in torment. (Isaiah 50:10–11)

Further, as these verses say, if instead of heeding God and obeying Jesus (the servant mentioned above), I decide to formulate my own rules for life in an attempt to create ‘light’ for myself, there will be additional consequences. If I try to walk by the light of my own reasoning that is motivated by thinking I know better than God, or I will go my own way and ignore Him, then I will “lie down in torment.”

Reading on in Isaiah, God speaks first to those who determine to obey and tells them of the blessings that will bring to their life. Then He addresses those who have decided to walk in darkness or kindle their own light. This “torment” is explained as being like a drunk person with no one to guide her among her children. Then God says…

These two things have happened to you — who will console you? — devastation and destruction, famine and sword; who will comfort you? Your sons have fainted; they lie at the head of every street like an antelope in a net; they are full of the wrath of the Lord, the rebuke of your God. (Isaiah 51:19–20)

This seems extreme, yet the consequences of turning away from God can be devastation, poverty, violence, all without comfort or consolation. It can bring loss of family, even God’s anger visited on them also.

I know that not all tragedy is a result of personal rebellion. Job is the biblical example. He did nothing against God who called him, “My servant, Job.” Yet this godly man suffered terrible loss in a long ordeal that eventually proved that the faith he had from God was strong and sufficient to help him persevere. He trusted the Lord even as he complained, even under the most severe suffering.

This is heavy-duty stuff. The bottom line, at least as I see it, is that no matter what happens, I need to trust the Lord. The situation may be very grave, but far better to walk by His light than fumble around in the darkness or face more torment by trying to makes sense of it without His light and consolation.