How to comfort?

Comforting suffering people is not my forte. In myself when I suffer, it is because my thoughts are skewed. Instead of “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8) my mind is believing a lie, or thinking about the evil people do, or some other ugly thing. A friend calls it stinkin’ thinkin’ and it does not give me joy.

God tell me to be a comforter and that is not easy. When my own reason is wrong thinking, I tend to project that to suffering souls and want to correct their thinking so they will feel better. This is not always a welcome way of doing that.

It does work for me though. When in sorrow over the death of my father, a young woman said to me, “This might seem the wrong thing to say, but I am so happy for your dad.” For me, that was exactly the right thing to say. Dad is with Jesus, far better off than in the hospital and in pain. Besides, my grief was mostly feeling sorry for myself. She turned that off and reminded me that my dad was experiencing the bliss of heaven.

Since then, I’ve also noted that in myself, grief is often a pity-party and sad feelings are often unnecessary worries that the God who runs the universe does not know what He is doing. Saying truth tends to be the comfort that I want to offer others.

The NT paints a different picture. Jesus wept with Martha and Mary. Forgiveness comforts. The presence of those who care comforts. Love, affection, and sympathy comforts as does the faith of others. Another passage says weep with those who weep — share their sorrow.
The OT offers this:

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned, that she has received from the Lord’s hand double for all her sins. . . .  The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. Go on up to a high mountain, O Zion, herald of good news; lift up your voice with strength, O Jerusalem, herald of good news; lift it up, fear not; say to the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!” Behold, the Lord God comes with might, and his arm rules for him; behold, his reward is with him, and his recompense before him. He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. (Isaiah 40:1–11)

Remind people of God’s care. We sometimes sin and suffer the consequences. All are terminal so many fear death, but our God is a loving, gentle Shepherd. He is to be trusted. Even when we suffer, He will use it for good. I cannot predict how that will happen, but the hope this offers is a comfort in itself.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3–7)

PRAY: Lord, it seems like the world is filled with many suffering souls. While I sometimes want to hide myself from all the sorrow, You give comfort to me so I can share it, and You also use our struggles for good, to build faith and to draw us closer to You and to one another. Remind me of these truths as You bring across my path those who struggle and need comfort.

Needing some comfort?

 

With the deaths of my sister and her grandson, and the deaths of friends from Covid, I’ve prayed much this year that God would comfort His people. Yet in our human sinfulness, we sometimes turn to other sources. We look for people to do it, or distract ourselves with activities like shopping, baking, even sleep, or try everything from music to chemicals and drugs to calm ourselves instead of turning to the One who has great compassion on His people. As David said, the Lord’s presence has great value, even in the worst discomfort of all — the threat of death:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

He and others who wrote the psalms knew that when they needed His comfort God could bring them strength. They said things like this:

Show me a sign of your favor, that those who hate me may see and be put to shame because you, Lord, have helped me and comforted me. (Psalm 86:17)

When I think of your rules from of old, I take comfort, O Lord. (Psalm 119:52)

O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. (Psalm 131:1–2)

For the Lord will vindicate his people andhave compassion on his servants. (Psalm 135:14)

All these verses use the word “to COMFORT” which means “to alleviate sorrow or distress; give emotional strength to” and describes what many of us need these days — a touch from our Almighty God to give us “gladness for sorrow” and “consolation” in our troubles and confusion.

In the NT, people comfort people yet the greatest source is God whom we bless:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3–7)

This comfort from God not only does its job but gives purpose to itself and to the suffering it alleviates. Because of both experiences, I can have compassion on others who suffer. When I get sick, I feel for others who are sick. When I struggle with problems, I can more easily relate to others who struggle. When I suffer loss, I have greater empathy for others who are grieving. Not only that, whatever God uses to comfort me in those experiences I can use to bless and comfort others.

When my father died, many people tried to comfort me but most of what they said or did fell short. Then an obviously excited young woman bounced up and said, “I know this may sound a little strange, but I am so happy for your dad.” That was comfort! She took my mind off ‘poor me’ and put it on the joy in heaven that my father was experiencing. God bless her. That same thought carries me through grief and it does the same for others whose loved ones have gone into the presence of the Lord.

God comforts the downcast, sends encouraging words and people to us, and gives us whatever we need to alleviate our pain and build us up in truth and in a positive sense that His will is being done and it is right. In trials, the enemy will whisper, ‘God does not love you . . . look what is happening’ but the Spirit of God says just the opposite. For this reason, Jesus called Him The Comforter.

GAZE INTO HIS GLORY. Using Scripture to gaze at the character of the Lord helps me to realize that no matter what is happening, He is with me, He knows how I feel, and He will never stop loving me or caring about my situation, even using it for good — to transform me into the likeness of His Son. His goals give life’s sorrows a great purpose and that purpose gives me great comfort!

 

Sharing with others what God has given . . .

A few days ago God brought to my attention that whatever I go through; trials, joys, challenges and so on, all things help me identify with others. Today, as I begin reading 2 Corinthians, I’m reminded again, this time more pointedly . . .

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3–7)

The Lord makes this practical. Yesterday I talked with someone who struggles with various problems. While I’d not had the same severity, I had enough of those problems to identify and even be a comfort to this person. One of the devil’s lies is making us think we are alone in our struggles. We are not — and this was an important part of that conversation.

This letter, written by Paul to the Christians at Corinth, begins with these verses then goes into the struggles Paul experienced. He begins with . . .

For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. (2 Corinthians 1:8–11)

Odd as it sounds, this may have been Paul’s way of ministering to these believers — by asking them to minister to him! He had been so utterly burdened that he wanted to die, even thought he would. He realized this extreme affliction was teaching him to rely on God. In it all, he saw God’s faithfulness, but he asked these believers to pray for him, to help him by trusting God for him. He could have presented to them his ‘perfect’ life as their example but instead, he identified with them by sharing his weaknesses and struggles.

I’ve asked God to give me an application for today. This morning, I’ll be meeting with a few other ladies for prayer. Will one of them be in affliction? Will I be able to comfort someone? Or will I need to share some of my afflictions (which seem small compared to Paul’s life). I need to pay attention to the unspoken needs behind their prayer requests.

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Lord Jesus, this is a simple passage, yet You give me a good challenge in it. I can comfort others but being ‘on top of things’ is not always the best way to encourage someone. Sometimes they need to hear that everyone struggles and we all need each other, both to give and receive comfort. We especially need to pray for each other. Keep me alert to what You want from me today.

Today’s thankful list . . .  

A wonderful time of prayer with others.

Being back to the gym for a workout with my trainer who is wise beyond her years.

Hot chocolate.

Short rests.

Able to finally get that pink baby quilt on the longarm.

Nearby grocery store and the money to buy food.

God’s Holy Spirit who blesses me with peace, joy, contentment and faith to trust the Lord.