How to comfort?

Comforting suffering people is not my forte. In myself when I suffer, it is because my thoughts are skewed. Instead of “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Philippians 4:8) my mind is believing a lie, or thinking about the evil people do, or some other ugly thing. A friend calls it stinkin’ thinkin’ and it does not give me joy.

God tell me to be a comforter and that is not easy. When my own reason is wrong thinking, I tend to project that to suffering souls and want to correct their thinking so they will feel better. This is not always a welcome way of doing that.

It does work for me though. When in sorrow over the death of my father, a young woman said to me, “This might seem the wrong thing to say, but I am so happy for your dad.” For me, that was exactly the right thing to say. Dad is with Jesus, far better off than in the hospital and in pain. Besides, my grief was mostly feeling sorry for myself. She turned that off and reminded me that my dad was experiencing the bliss of heaven.

Since then, I’ve also noted that in myself, grief is often a pity-party and sad feelings are often unnecessary worries that the God who runs the universe does not know what He is doing. Saying truth tends to be the comfort that I want to offer others.

The NT paints a different picture. Jesus wept with Martha and Mary. Forgiveness comforts. The presence of those who care comforts. Love, affection, and sympathy comforts as does the faith of others. Another passage says weep with those who weep — share their sorrow.
The OT offers this:

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned, that she has received from the Lord’s hand double for all her sins. . . .  The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. Go on up to a high mountain, O Zion, herald of good news; lift up your voice with strength, O Jerusalem, herald of good news; lift it up, fear not; say to the cities of Judah, “Behold your God!” Behold, the Lord God comes with might, and his arm rules for him; behold, his reward is with him, and his recompense before him. He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young. (Isaiah 40:1–11)

Remind people of God’s care. We sometimes sin and suffer the consequences. All are terminal so many fear death, but our God is a loving, gentle Shepherd. He is to be trusted. Even when we suffer, He will use it for good. I cannot predict how that will happen, but the hope this offers is a comfort in itself.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. (2 Corinthians 1:3–7)

PRAY: Lord, it seems like the world is filled with many suffering souls. While I sometimes want to hide myself from all the sorrow, You give comfort to me so I can share it, and You also use our struggles for good, to build faith and to draw us closer to You and to one another. Remind me of these truths as You bring across my path those who struggle and need comfort.