Beware of trusting myself…

The battle pressed hard against Saul, and the archers found him, and he was wounded by the archers. Then Saul said to his armor-bearer, “Draw your sword and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised come and mistreat me.” But his armor-bearer would not, for he feared greatly. Therefore Saul took his own sword and fell upon it. And when his armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he also fell upon his sword and died. Thus Saul died; he and his three sons and all his house died together. 
And when all the men of Israel who were in the valley saw that the army had fled and that Saul and his sons were dead, they abandoned their cities and fled, and the Philistines came and lived in them. The next day, when the Philistines came to strip the slain, they found Saul and his sons fallen on Mount Gilboa. And they stripped him and took his head and his armor, and sent messengers throughout the land of the Philistines to carry the good news to their idols and to the people. And they put his armor in the temple of their gods and fastened his head in the temple of Dagon. But when all Jabesh-gilead heard all that the Philistines had done to Saul, all the valiant men arose and took away the body of Saul and the bodies of his sons, and brought them to Jabesh. And they buried their bones under the oak in Jabesh and fasted seven days. So Saul died for his breach of faith. He broke faith with the Lord in that he did not keep the command of the Lord, and also consulted a medium, seeking guidance. He did not seek guidance from the Lord. Therefore the Lord put him to death and turned the kingdom over to David the son of Jesse. (1 Chronicles 10:3–14)

This passage confused me. Saul committed suicide yet the Word also said that the Lord put him to death. However, Spence’s thorough commentary cleared it up. Here is what he said:

He who had often conquered the Philistines and other hostile nations, with little of material help, fell before them, because he had guiltily forfeited the Divine help. He had presumed on himself — it brings him to make an end of himself! As repentance had been the stranger of his company, so now despair is the bosom friend he hugs. And trace as best we may the course he ran, his character, and the end of a life which had opened in providence so abundant and so encouraging, the skilled pen of Scripture guides our last thought, and reveals the just conclusion of the whole matter: “Saul died for his transgressions which he committed against the Lord, even against the Word of the Lord, which he kept not, and also for asking … of … a familiar spirit, to inquire thereof, and he inquired not of the Lord” — this low-lying epitaph, a beacon of warning set up aloft to all time.

The timing is perfect. I know a “Saul” whose efforts are commendable, yet she often takes credit that belongs to the Lord and praises Him for her mistakes. When she relates what happened, it is clear she acts first without consulting Him then shares how she is helping Him rather than the other way around.

Spence speaks of how Saul presumes he is doing the Lord’s work without seeking His way or waiting for His instruction to obey. Only by God's grace does that ‘method’ work for those of us who presume our way is God's way. He keeps bailing us out.

For Saul, this behavior eventually put him into a frame of mind that he was better off dead than being mistreated by his enemies. Instead of realizing and repenting of his lack of faith, in despair he took his own life, a final act of God-playing. 

While I cannot know the motivations of anyone’s heart, I’ve taken the glory when God did the deed. I’ve also gone ahead without consulting Him. I recognize when others do it for I have done it. However, God is gracious and teaches me, usually by failure, that what I am doing is not acceptable. Not only must I seek His will rather than assume it, I must also never take credit when He uses my folly for good. That is a comfort and His glory, not a brag for my boasting, nor a reason to keep up any God-playing.

Lord Jesus, forgive me and all who know You for acting like Saul with the assumption we know what You want without speaking to You and act according to our own grand ideas as if they came from You when they really were a way of glorify ourselves. Stop all slides into self-effort that masquerades as following You.